Thoughts and Jots

It came...even though we wished that it wouldn't, Father's Day.  A Father's Day that finds us without my beloved husband, my daughter's beloved Father.  Each and every celebration seems harder as we strive to find a "New normal."  I have climbed through the "Valley of the shadow of death," many, many times before as friends and family have passed away.  I do know how this works.  At their death, the shock, the numbness, the ability to reach out to others seems enhanced.  Then everybody goes home to their lives, their families, and you have the task of trying to figure out how to live without your loved one.

At that point the reality becomes horribly apparent.  Often long past the time that others think you should be grieving you feel as though your heart is lower than your feet!  I have a personal witness that Nyle goes on...he still lives...and we will be together again.  The problem is that one night away from Nyle was too long!  I have a sneaking suspicion that I will probably live many, MANY more years and in this place and space I DON'T find that a happy thought.  Right now I take life one minute at a time, doing my best to not think about the heart wrenching separation that looms before me. 

I affirm the sacred and precious opportunity that this life gives us.  It brings us ways to learn even through opposition.  Learning about this particular type of grief is helping me to be more sensitive to others facing this challenge. 

Life is an oxymoron...we learn about joy as we grieve.  We recognize blessings after they have been taken away.  "There is an opposition in ALL things!"  There is always the choice of agency.  We can choose to wallow in self-pity, bitterness, or other negative choices, or we can make a conscious choice to reach for something higher.  I do love the little quote that says, "It's better to aim for the stars and miss then to aim for the gutter and hit."

 Of course my favorite quote comes from Nyle, "Happy Not Crappy."  That means don't let circumstances dictate your happiness.  You can choose to be happy in spite of those circumstances.

Well I've cheered myself up enough to go wash some clothes, (Today that took lots of cheering!  lol)  What does this Monday of sunshine bring to you?