Friday, June 7, 2013

How do you feel loved?

Being really, truly, loved is one of life's greatest gifts.  The kind of love that embraces your...good, bad, and ugly, and yet loves you still.  I love the quote, "You are the type of friend that makes me better just for being with you."  They love you, but still help you to stretch, reach upwards towards being more than just average. 

There is a book that I can't remember the title but it's something about 5 ways to feel love.  It's quite brilliant.  It speaks of the ways that we feel loved.  Mine is most positively words of affirmation.  Nyle was wonderful at every single way of giving love...affirmations, gifts, and the other methods as well.

Imagine my surprise after his passing to discover that even though he showed, said it, every single way he gave love to me.  I just didn't seem to feel in...deep down inside my soul.  I had experienced so much of cruelty and criticism in my youth that even when my sweetie, or anyone send love my way it just couldn't quite reach all the way to my heart. 

Before I am with my darling again I WILL conquer that problem...the inability to feel loved.  Nyle was SO GOOD at being romantic and showing love that some of my friends asked if he would teach their husbands.

For my 40th birthday he was very sick, stuck to his bed 24/7.  I was at church teaching the Women's Group.  Suddenly there was my own personal incarnation of Sir Galahad, Sir Lancelot, and Arthur, all rolled into one giant of a man, Nyle.  He was in one of his beautiful pin stripe power suits, and he was so handsome the room grew lighter because of the power of his presence.

He lovingly interrupted my teaching, and handing me an armful of flowers, he announced, "Ladies, I apologize for interrupting.  CJ's 40th birthday is next week.  I want to invite all of you and your husbands to join us to party that night."  He then dipped me and kissed me.  "Oohs, and aahs, went all around the room."  Then he said, "We will see you next week," and left.

Well getting back to a spiritual lesson was pretty much impossible at that point.  I stumbled through, finished, and went home.

To fully understand how amazing what Nyle did was you need to know that he couldn't dress himself at that stage...he was too weak.  He couldn't really walk, it made him desperately sick to his stomach.  If he started to cough (he had incurable lung disease), it dropped him to his knees his cough was so deep and hard.  He needed oxygen, but he didn't have any.  He dressed himself, went and bought me flowers, drove the car, and came in and performed like he was the healthiest man in the world.

Then he orchestrated a huge party for me with printed banners, 40 balloons, cake, and food to eat.  It was a glorious party.  It is a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life.  Then he asked everyone to come outside.  He gave each one a balloon, until 40 balloons were in 40 hands.  He explained, "CJ has experienced a lot of challenges in her 40 years of living.  Each of these balloons represent a challenge, or trouble that she has experienced.  Now we're going to release those balloons, and anything negative from the past will go with the balloons."

Up, up, up went the balloons and I had the impressive sensation of being BRAND NEW. that moment I DID feel cherished, loved, and precious to my darling husband.  Who wouldn't?

What makes you feel loved?  I would love comments, ideas, thoughts about those experiences and reasons for feeling loved.  Pretty please?

No comments:

Post a Comment