Saturday, June 8, 2013

Fears or Faith

Is there one human being on this lovely planet that does NOT have any fears?  I believe that if you think that is true you are lying to yourself.  Fear is a natural method that our body has for self-preservation.  Fear coaxes us to be aware of danger and do everything that we can to prevent injury or accident.

Yes, there are even positive qualities in fear.  Fear can teach us to be prepared...for anything...for everything.  Fear can drive us to save food and water in case of emergency.  Fear can cause us to take a self defense class.  Fear can keep us from walking too far out on that cliff with loose rocks.  Yes, fear can definitely be a trait that develops self-sustenance.

I'm afraid of SO MANY THINGS!  The following is a list of my fears:

The dark      Being raped
Heights        Sometimes just leaving my house
Depression   Abandonment
Crowds        Diabetes
Theft            The death of those I love (like my sweetheart, Nyle)

I am no longer afraid of my own means reunion with my beloved.  I am not doing things to hasten my own demise, but I look forward so poignantly for that time.

To me, the truest definition of courage is to do those things that frighten you most.  For example, any sane individual would feel frightened when involved in direct hand to hand combat.  It takes very real courage to face your fears in this setting.  Indeed it takes courage always to face fear.

Some fears are rational...things that you can battle back by reasoning within your mind.  Nyle LOVED to go on Ferris Wheels.  They cause me to be nauseated and panic filled. (Fear of heights)  Yet, I would face that fear and go with my darling.  Of course, I had the benefit of his strong, masculine arm around me, and his gratitude for my going with him.  The other thing is that I could keep my fear within limits through rational thought.

My fear of the dark...has no bearing on rationality.  My mind alone can't conquer this fear.  It is, of course, much, much worse since my darling died. what point does faith come into this discussion?  Faith, in the basic decency of most humans.  Faith, in the regularity of the seasons.  Faith, that the sun WILL come up, each and every day.  Faith, that the sun will go down and let darkness embrace our weary bodies with rest.  Faith in the love we share as a family.  Faith in our ability to move through the very hardest of life experiences.  These are all grand examples of faith.

Yet the very grandest of examples of faith is faith in a Creator...the Lord of the Earth.  I don't care what name you call God, Elohim, Jehovah, Jesus, Allah, Quan Yin...for these purposes I will call him Heavenly Father.  I believe personally that he is the father of our spirits.  Using our agency to connect with God unleashes strength beyond our own natural strength.  This faith has come from my parents, grandparents and before them in their examples.  Yet, mostly this faith has come from my very own PERSONAL life experiences.

An example is shortly after Nyle's death.  Sometimes the reality of my loss would hit like a boulder had been dropped on me.  I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stop sobbing hysterically.  In those times I couldn't even muster a simple prayer, "Heavenly Father, please help me!"  All that came out was an anguished "Help!" exhaled from the depths and reaches of my anguish.

I was amazed that in those times I would feel such warmth, embracing love, and knowledge that Nyle was safe, and I would be also.  I will never doubt the reality of those times.  Those experiences were as real to me as the sun shining in the sky at noon. 

In this experience faith was not a simple belief.  It was not passive.  An action word, a verb, faith was and is a very real power, a force for good and blessing.

 If the fear will not bend to rationality, then get help...we ALL need help from time to time.  A minister, a counselor, someone who can help you sort the irrational, unreasoning belief that has stopped your progression.

Faith or fear...a choice that all of us make daily.

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