Friday, June 28, 2013

I'll Never Get Married, I'll Be No Man's Wife

At the ripe old age of 27 I made the determination that I was never going to get married.  In my mind I was past my prime, and no man would want me.  It did NOT help when my beloved Papa sang to me, "She's just the kind of a girl that men forget.  The kind to enjoy for a while.  But when a man settles down he'll always get, an old fashioned girl with an old fashioned smile.  And your old fashioned sister will come into view, with her husband and kiddies, but what about you?  You're just the kind of a girl that men forget...." 

First of all, my Papa ADORED me.  He seriously believed that I was amazing.  He KNEW that I would find the right man at the right time.   One dark night as Papa and I were driving away from the wedding reception of one of my college roomies I was sobbing. I was so jealous.  Not of her husband, but of being married.  Papa said, "Your mission in life is different.  You will marry when you're older, and not have many children."  I then sobbed even harder!  That was NOT what I wanted to hear.  As the years came and went I did feel some comfort from what my Papa had told me on that dark night.

I finally made the determination that I wasn't going to get married so I WAS going to enjoy life and not worry about getting married anymore.  I had four proposals that year.  Five if you count the fact that Nyle proposed twice that year.  Something about my confidence...and NO desperation seemed to make me more attractive to men.  Go figure?

I love the folk song, "I'll never get married, I'll be no man's wife, I expect to live single, all the rest of my life."

I spent 27 years as Nyle Smith's wife.  I LOVED being Nyle's wife.  He was funny, brilliant, complicated, talented, everything I ever wanted in a husband and more.

If I had known from the beginning that I'd be single again at 55 would I  have NOT married Nyle?  I would marry Nyle again, any place, any time, any where.  I would have married him again if we only had a few hours together. 

On the other hand, now I'm my 50's.  What do I want to do with the rest of my life?  Some days staying in bed sobbing seems like the simple answer.  Yet, Nyle would expect more from me than that.  He was a consistent example of finding joy in life even during the hardest times.

There is a song from "The King and I," that describes well how I feel these days.  "Hello young lovers who ever you are, I hope your troubles are few, all of my memories are with you tonight, I had a love like you.  Be brave young lovers and follow your star, be brave young lovers and true, all of my memories are with you tonight, I had a love like you.  I know how it feels to have wings on your heels, and to fly down the street in a trance, to fly down the street on the chance that you'll meet, and to meet, not really by chance..."

So...young lovers, and old lovers, and any lovers forget the push and drive of day to day living for awhile.  Remember what a gift it is to love and be loved, at any age.   

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