Mother the 5 Star General

I would seriously love to hear how many people in the world can say, "My Mother is a five star general." Now I DO say this in the boastful way that we had as children. Competition was a minute to minute experience all the way through school. Our Dad's were the biggest, meanest, strongest, best football player, sweetest, MOSTEST OF ANYTHING Dad's.

It seemed to me that the "Motherly" competition was a little more difficult to grade. "My Mother makes the best cookies!" " My Mother plays football." (The last competitive comment was undoubtedly made by a boy who didn't realize that Mother's competition scale should have been vastly different from the Father's scale.

I did NOT take opportunity back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth in my childhood. ( OK, maybe it wasn't dinosaurs but simply a chameleon that my Brother called Sally the Salamander....but to my children, and great-nephews and nieces I am practically paleolithic!) to brag about MY Mother....my Mother who was a five star general and working her way to becoming a SIX star general!

No, Mama was not a member of the military. Her contribution to the War effort of World War II was to send her beloved fiance away to fight, not knowing if he would return at the end of the war. I will always think that this contribution was AMAZING!

Mama DID work for ZCMI Department store in downtown SLC. Wise marketers at ZCMI, recognized an opportunity when they saw one. They built a kiosk in front of the store. Then they put one of their prettiest young women in that kiosk to sell war bonds. I think they realized that those bonds would practically sell themselves...not to take away from my Mama's contribution with her loving, sweet, happy, positive personality. (Did I mention that she was GORGEOUS?)

So....a tribute to my Mama. At 93 years of age she's still GORGEOUS! Better yet, she's still a fiery general, waging a daily battle against the rigors of old age.

I would LOVE to hear a tribute about your Mama...Anyone, anyone?

Rainy days and Thursdays?

Karen Carpenter and her brother Richard made a terrific song back in the 70's/80's called Rainy days and Mondays. She sang that they "Always get me down."

Well today is a "Rainy Day," but it's not a Monday it's a Thursday. First of all, my beloved husband of 26 years is dead. 2nd of all our finances are chaotic to say the least. 3rd of all every one of our family is currently dealing with some health "issue."

So...now I would like to simply say that happiness is a choice, I will CHOOSE to be happy, and end this depressing entry....EXCEPT. Except as bland as it sounds "Happiness is a choice." It's true. It's NOT easy to make that choice IN SPITE OF...whatever struggle is in your world right now.

I'm writing this little post to convince myself that choosing happiness IN SPITE OF is a good thing to do. In my sweetheart's words, "Happy not crappy!" He believed that we could choose to be happy in spite of all the obstacles that life throws our way.

I haven't convinced myself yet. Anybody else out there struggling with this idea? I'm struggling, but I will NEVER give up. I think that is part of the mystery of being successful in this life, and in forever as you may believe an "eternity." Sometimes we may feel that "Rainy Days and Monday's" sense of life, and that's normal and OK. What's NOT OK is to give those blues a permanent space in your life.

I KNOW that Nyle would not wish to be remembered with sorrow and tears. Just as he lived his life with laughter and joy he would wish to be remembered. The most important thing is that he IS remembered. I find joy in recalling the twenty-six years of life that we shared together.

I have put a picture of my honeybunch next to my bed that was taken about the first time that I ever saw him. HUBBA HUBBA! He was handsome then....and handsome to the day he died.

Looking at this picture reminds me that he loves me, and I love him.  I'm grateful to know that death
does NOT end love.  Love is power...power that grows and goes beyond death.

Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch

So...my first book is published, Beth Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch. 
It's beyond exciting for me to hold my book in my hands and think of the
journey that led to this goal.

Please read my blog at driftinganchorranch.blogspot.com to learn fun recipes,
patterns for knitting and sewing that would have been made in the 1800's.  Many
things in this world have changed in the last couple of centuries, but a few things
NEVER change.  One thing that NEVER changes is the attraction to delicious
food. 

It makes me very happy that we no longer cook over either an open fire or
a wood stove.  My beloved Grandmother remembered cooking on a wood
stove.  She said that it was very difficult to get the temperature consistent
each time that you cooked. 

I remember that as I joyfully cook on my beautiful gas range.

Joyous Goal Achieved

YAHOO, HOOORAY! Today I reached a joyous goal. I finished my first novel, Wilhelmina Elizabeth, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch. I have been working on this series for almost 20 years. It feels very good to have reached this goal.

I wish with all my heart that Nyle was here to help me celebrate this achievement, but I know that he's proud of me for working hard, and sticking to my dream. My romance with Nyle has helped inspire me in all of my novels. In each of my fictional heroes there are qualities that came directly from my marriage of twenty-six years.

Now I will dig in and finish my 2nd book in the series, Angela, Women of the Drifting Anchor Ranch. It seems appropriate to finish these two books first. These two characters are enemies. Angela and Willy (who grows up to be called Beth) grow up side by side in a tiny one room schoolhouse, fighting most of the time.

I hope that people will enjoy reading my books as much as I have enjoyed writing them.

Jesus Has Risen

In my family there is a little Easter ritual that I believe started with my Mom's Dad. My Mother would greet us Easter morning with the small phrase, "Jesus is risen." We would then respond, "Risen indeed." Two very small phrases but to me the meaning is INFINITE!

Now....this Easter, the meaning is even more precious and important. Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer loved me enough, indeed ALL OF US enough to give up his life. He possessed the unique attributes that made it possible for him to break death's bondage and atone for all of us.

Amazing to me that he took upon him every single pain, sin, suffering, that we will bear, or have born. I struggle with the possibility of that concept, yet I believe.

Now....this Easter....my beloved is not here. He will not help me this year to fill the Easter basket's that the Easter "kitty," brought for our daughters. (We had to have a kitty, with all the cats we rescued a bunny would not have survived in our household...GRIN)

Yet I KNOW with all the assurance of looking at the sunshine that he continues to live. He is no longer limited by the challenges of his worn out body. He can walk, and talk, with no limitations. Indeed he can FLY and I'm certain that he has "frequent flier miles," for all of the places he's longed to see and be all of his earth life that he can now fly to without limits.

My separation from Nyle right now is painful beyond description. Sometimes I feel as though I can't bear the pain. Yet my faith that Jesus understands this pain....loves me, and is always there when I need him sustains me.

I wish to end on the same joyous note that I began on....Jesus IS RISEN....RISEN INDEED!!

Count Your Many Blessings Day!

I do not have official authority to do what I'm doing today, but I'm going to do it anyway! I hereby officially, and authoritatively declare this day, MONDAY, MARCH 26, 2012 Count Your Many Blessings Day!

An important life lesson for me has ALWAYS been that even in the darkest of life times you can find blessings. Pollyanna has been a good example for me all of my life. People say that Pollyanna is too sugary sweet, too intensely saccharine for belief.

I beg to differ. If you recall Pollyanna lost both of her parents. She has been taken in by a bitter, aunt who is not aging gracefully. How does she cope with all of this? Playing the "grateful," game is her way of coping.

She really, truly, does not have much to be grateful for if you look at the surface of her life. She doesn't stay at that surface level. She's grateful for little things, and large things. She goes about making others lives better for having known her. The widow who is bed ridden by disease and has decided to focus on death, rather than life. The hermit who is wealthy but lives alone embittered by the loss of his wife. So many with so many deep problems are affected by this LITTLE girl with a BIG desire to find joy.

The story of Pollyanna is a fictional tale. Yet I have had the privilege of knowing many "Pollyanna's" who when faced with the most difficult challenges that life provides found ways to be grateful.

One example was a beloved friend whose son was killed while in the process of robbing a bank. There simply is no harder challenge than facing the loss of a child due to her or his own poor choices. I watched her sorrow, and suffer. Yet she did not lie down and give up. She mustered all of her substantial strength and kept moving....she provided a grand example to me of continuing to focus on her blessings when the obvious view in her life was a great tragedy.

I have faced many challenges in my life. I would NOT choose to be embroiled in difficulty or uncertainty. Indeed I would much prefer to live a luxurious life shielded from any problems.

One of my beloved cousins posted a great thought today. "It isn't about whether you see the glass half full or half empty, it's about being grateful that you have a glass and there is something in it!" HOORAY for that idea.

When I first awakened this morning I opened a book that I have and just let it fall to where it would. There was a very short article about being grateful for all of our senses: smell, sight, sound, touch, and taste.

I remembered that little thought as I enjoyed the creamy smoothness of my peanut butter sandwich, and the delicate soft feel of the white bread that the peanut butter was spread upon in my hand.

As I walked outside with our little doggy I rejoiced in the majesty of the mountains where I live. I even relished the cold tang of wintry blast that was in the air. (If you know me you understand that I don't really like winter so that was a stretch...lol)

The blessing that I wish to count and announce here on my blog is the gift of family, and friends. I have NEVER been completely alone in my life. There have always been many, many people to love and be loved by. I am ever so grateful for this precious gift.

So....to all my friends, family, and those friends that I have not yet discovered, THANK YOU, I count you as my richest blessings!

Too Poor to Divorce?

I loved my husband with a ferocity that sometimes rattled my soul. There was so much of him to love, oh, not in any NEGATIVE way. He was brilliant. He was funny. He was a comic genius. He was a singer. He was an actor. He could do absolutely ANYTHING that he wanted to do, he had virtually no limits beyond the normal physical limits of a 50 something man.

Now listening to the above words you might get the idea that our marriage was always smooth...never any friction between us. You would be very wrong in that assumption.

Nyle and I both had huge egos. We were both actors, youngest children in our families, and we both LOVED the spotlight. This caused many problems as we both reached for that nebulous spotlight of life.

To make matters worse we faced so many challenges that I heard a frequent reference that we were very much like Job of the Bible. It's REALLY hard when the chips are down to stay united, to spare each other anger, pain, and sorrow that are conjoined twins to stress and adversity.

We made the angry decision to divorce. We both felt that our relationship was toxic. We were ready to make a break and move on. We knew that it would be hard for our two lovely daughters but children are adaptable, right?

Nyle had worked in the "Family Law," field. That term is a euphemism for the "Break Up Family Law." I was delighted when Nyle left that post and got a job as Associate Dean of Career Services at a nearby law school.

So....Nyle called his former associate from his "Family Law" days to inquire about the process of getting a divorce. Imagine my shock and surprise when Nyle gave his recital of Fred's advice. "Fred told me that he was going to be brutally honest. Then he proceeded to say that "YOU CAN'T AFFORD A DIVORCE." Yes, I put those letter in caps on purpose. Please read on.

Fred said, "Split the house in two and each of you live in your half. Stay away from each other as much as you need to. Then he repeated the above words, "YOU CAN'T AFFORD A DIVORCE."

So...we did what he advised. We each took half of the house, and only came together when our children were around. The thing is, when we each had space and time on our own we remembered all the reasons why we fell in love in the first place.

We made the decision to go to couples counseling. Nyle told me that in an individual session with our therapist she said, "OK Nyle, do you want a divorce?" Nyle said that in that minute the realization came to him that if he divorced me he would NEVER have a wife that had known him in his youth, a wife that had born him children, a wife that was his youthful sweetheart." He answered in a loud and affirmative voice, "No, I don't want a divorce."

So...we learned, we studied with the help of a wise therapist. That's when we came to understand that when the storms of life had been battering us hard instead of uniting and pulling together we were splintering, and projecting our negative emotions on each other.

We also learned years later "There are things about each other that you will never be able to change. When you are in the marital relationship you have to take the entire package, not just the romanticized ideal."

Yesterday I spoke to a sweet friend who is going through a miserable divorce. I told her about Nyle and my experiences. She was so surprised. Seeing our relationship for the last four years she had NO CLUE that we had face such heated times in our marriage.

I share this post in the hopes that somebody else going through "changes and rearranges," that life inevitably brings to the marriage relationship will not just give up. Nyle shared some other advice with me in his "Family Law," days. I don't remember the source of this advice. "A mediocre marriage is far superior to a grand divorce."

Now that Nyle has made the mortal transition that all of us will make some day I am even more determined that there are only two reasons for divorce. #1. Abuse, sexual, physical, or emotional. #2. A partner that perceives that they have no problems...everyone else does, and they refuse to see any need to change or compromise in a relationship. It is simply IMPOSSIBLE to live with such a person.

Nyle and I had finally gotten much of our relationship right. We loved each other. Oh we still weren't perfect. Remember that whole idea above, "There are some things about each other that you will have to live with because they will never change."

Yet, how I miss him with every breath that I breathe. I would even be happy to go back to those hard times, just to see him, to hear him, to feel that particular energy that was only Nyle's.