In my family there is a little Easter ritual that I believe started with my Mom's Dad. My Mother would greet us Easter morning with the small phrase, "Jesus is risen." We would then respond, "Risen indeed." Two very small phrases but to me the meaning is INFINITE!
Now....this Easter, the meaning is even more precious and important. Jesus Christ, my Savior and Redeemer loved me enough, indeed ALL OF US enough to give up his life. He possessed the unique attributes that made it possible for him to break death's bondage and atone for all of us.
Amazing to me that he took upon him every single pain, sin, suffering, that we will bear, or have born. I struggle with the possibility of that concept, yet I believe.
Now....this Easter....my beloved is not here. He will not help me this year to fill the Easter basket's that the Easter "kitty," brought for our daughters. (We had to have a kitty, with all the cats we rescued a bunny would not have survived in our household...GRIN)
Yet I KNOW with all the assurance of looking at the sunshine that he continues to live. He is no longer limited by the challenges of his worn out body. He can walk, and talk, with no limitations. Indeed he can FLY and I'm certain that he has "frequent flier miles," for all of the places he's longed to see and be all of his earth life that he can now fly to without limits.
My separation from Nyle right now is painful beyond description. Sometimes I feel as though I can't bear the pain. Yet my faith that Jesus understands this pain....loves me, and is always there when I need him sustains me.
I wish to end on the same joyous note that I began on....Jesus IS RISEN....RISEN INDEED!!
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass....it's about learning to dance in the rain!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Count Your Many Blessings Day!
I do not have official authority to do what I'm doing today, but I'm going to do it anyway! I hereby officially, and authoritatively declare this day, MONDAY, MARCH 26, 2012 Count Your Many Blessings Day!
An important life lesson for me has ALWAYS been that even in the darkest of life times you can find blessings. Pollyanna has been a good example for me all of my life. People say that Pollyanna is too sugary sweet, too intensely saccharine for belief.
I beg to differ. If you recall Pollyanna lost both of her parents. She has been taken in by a bitter, aunt who is not aging gracefully. How does she cope with all of this? Playing the "grateful," game is her way of coping.
She really, truly, does not have much to be grateful for if you look at the surface of her life. She doesn't stay at that surface level. She's grateful for little things, and large things. She goes about making others lives better for having known her. The widow who is bed ridden by disease and has decided to focus on death, rather than life. The hermit who is wealthy but lives alone embittered by the loss of his wife. So many with so many deep problems are affected by this LITTLE girl with a BIG desire to find joy.
The story of Pollyanna is a fictional tale. Yet I have had the privilege of knowing many "Pollyanna's" who when faced with the most difficult challenges that life provides found ways to be grateful.
One example was a beloved friend whose son was killed while in the process of robbing a bank. There simply is no harder challenge than facing the loss of a child due to her or his own poor choices. I watched her sorrow, and suffer. Yet she did not lie down and give up. She mustered all of her substantial strength and kept moving....she provided a grand example to me of continuing to focus on her blessings when the obvious view in her life was a great tragedy.
I have faced many challenges in my life. I would NOT choose to be embroiled in difficulty or uncertainty. Indeed I would much prefer to live a luxurious life shielded from any problems.
One of my beloved cousins posted a great thought today. "It isn't about whether you see the glass half full or half empty, it's about being grateful that you have a glass and there is something in it!" HOORAY for that idea.
When I first awakened this morning I opened a book that I have and just let it fall to where it would. There was a very short article about being grateful for all of our senses: smell, sight, sound, touch, and taste.
I remembered that little thought as I enjoyed the creamy smoothness of my peanut butter sandwich, and the delicate soft feel of the white bread that the peanut butter was spread upon in my hand.
As I walked outside with our little doggy I rejoiced in the majesty of the mountains where I live. I even relished the cold tang of wintry blast that was in the air. (If you know me you understand that I don't really like winter so that was a stretch...lol)
The blessing that I wish to count and announce here on my blog is the gift of family, and friends. I have NEVER been completely alone in my life. There have always been many, many people to love and be loved by. I am ever so grateful for this precious gift.
So....to all my friends, family, and those friends that I have not yet discovered, THANK YOU, I count you as my richest blessings!
An important life lesson for me has ALWAYS been that even in the darkest of life times you can find blessings. Pollyanna has been a good example for me all of my life. People say that Pollyanna is too sugary sweet, too intensely saccharine for belief.
I beg to differ. If you recall Pollyanna lost both of her parents. She has been taken in by a bitter, aunt who is not aging gracefully. How does she cope with all of this? Playing the "grateful," game is her way of coping.
She really, truly, does not have much to be grateful for if you look at the surface of her life. She doesn't stay at that surface level. She's grateful for little things, and large things. She goes about making others lives better for having known her. The widow who is bed ridden by disease and has decided to focus on death, rather than life. The hermit who is wealthy but lives alone embittered by the loss of his wife. So many with so many deep problems are affected by this LITTLE girl with a BIG desire to find joy.
The story of Pollyanna is a fictional tale. Yet I have had the privilege of knowing many "Pollyanna's" who when faced with the most difficult challenges that life provides found ways to be grateful.
One example was a beloved friend whose son was killed while in the process of robbing a bank. There simply is no harder challenge than facing the loss of a child due to her or his own poor choices. I watched her sorrow, and suffer. Yet she did not lie down and give up. She mustered all of her substantial strength and kept moving....she provided a grand example to me of continuing to focus on her blessings when the obvious view in her life was a great tragedy.
I have faced many challenges in my life. I would NOT choose to be embroiled in difficulty or uncertainty. Indeed I would much prefer to live a luxurious life shielded from any problems.
One of my beloved cousins posted a great thought today. "It isn't about whether you see the glass half full or half empty, it's about being grateful that you have a glass and there is something in it!" HOORAY for that idea.
When I first awakened this morning I opened a book that I have and just let it fall to where it would. There was a very short article about being grateful for all of our senses: smell, sight, sound, touch, and taste.
I remembered that little thought as I enjoyed the creamy smoothness of my peanut butter sandwich, and the delicate soft feel of the white bread that the peanut butter was spread upon in my hand.
As I walked outside with our little doggy I rejoiced in the majesty of the mountains where I live. I even relished the cold tang of wintry blast that was in the air. (If you know me you understand that I don't really like winter so that was a stretch...lol)
The blessing that I wish to count and announce here on my blog is the gift of family, and friends. I have NEVER been completely alone in my life. There have always been many, many people to love and be loved by. I am ever so grateful for this precious gift.
So....to all my friends, family, and those friends that I have not yet discovered, THANK YOU, I count you as my richest blessings!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Too Poor to Divorce?
I loved my husband with a ferocity that sometimes rattled my soul. There was so much of him to love, oh, not in any NEGATIVE way. He was brilliant. He was funny. He was a comic genius. He was a singer. He was an actor. He could do absolutely ANYTHING that he wanted to do, he had virtually no limits beyond the normal physical limits of a 50 something man.
Now listening to the above words you might get the idea that our marriage was always smooth...never any friction between us. You would be very wrong in that assumption.
Nyle and I both had huge egos. We were both actors, youngest children in our families, and we both LOVED the spotlight. This caused many problems as we both reached for that nebulous spotlight of life.
To make matters worse we faced so many challenges that I heard a frequent reference that we were very much like Job of the Bible. It's REALLY hard when the chips are down to stay united, to spare each other anger, pain, and sorrow that are conjoined twins to stress and adversity.
We made the angry decision to divorce. We both felt that our relationship was toxic. We were ready to make a break and move on. We knew that it would be hard for our two lovely daughters but children are adaptable, right?
Nyle had worked in the "Family Law," field. That term is a euphemism for the "Break Up Family Law." I was delighted when Nyle left that post and got a job as Associate Dean of Career Services at a nearby law school.
So....Nyle called his former associate from his "Family Law" days to inquire about the process of getting a divorce. Imagine my shock and surprise when Nyle gave his recital of Fred's advice. "Fred told me that he was going to be brutally honest. Then he proceeded to say that "YOU CAN'T AFFORD A DIVORCE." Yes, I put those letter in caps on purpose. Please read on.
Fred said, "Split the house in two and each of you live in your half. Stay away from each other as much as you need to. Then he repeated the above words, "YOU CAN'T AFFORD A DIVORCE."
So...we did what he advised. We each took half of the house, and only came together when our children were around. The thing is, when we each had space and time on our own we remembered all the reasons why we fell in love in the first place.
We made the decision to go to couples counseling. Nyle told me that in an individual session with our therapist she said, "OK Nyle, do you want a divorce?" Nyle said that in that minute the realization came to him that if he divorced me he would NEVER have a wife that had known him in his youth, a wife that had born him children, a wife that was his youthful sweetheart." He answered in a loud and affirmative voice, "No, I don't want a divorce."
So...we learned, we studied with the help of a wise therapist. That's when we came to understand that when the storms of life had been battering us hard instead of uniting and pulling together we were splintering, and projecting our negative emotions on each other.
We also learned years later "There are things about each other that you will never be able to change. When you are in the marital relationship you have to take the entire package, not just the romanticized ideal."
Yesterday I spoke to a sweet friend who is going through a miserable divorce. I told her about Nyle and my experiences. She was so surprised. Seeing our relationship for the last four years she had NO CLUE that we had face such heated times in our marriage.
I share this post in the hopes that somebody else going through "changes and rearranges," that life inevitably brings to the marriage relationship will not just give up. Nyle shared some other advice with me in his "Family Law," days. I don't remember the source of this advice. "A mediocre marriage is far superior to a grand divorce."
Now that Nyle has made the mortal transition that all of us will make some day I am even more determined that there are only two reasons for divorce. #1. Abuse, sexual, physical, or emotional. #2. A partner that perceives that they have no problems...everyone else does, and they refuse to see any need to change or compromise in a relationship. It is simply IMPOSSIBLE to live with such a person.
Nyle and I had finally gotten much of our relationship right. We loved each other. Oh we still weren't perfect. Remember that whole idea above, "There are some things about each other that you will have to live with because they will never change."
Yet, how I miss him with every breath that I breathe. I would even be happy to go back to those hard times, just to see him, to hear him, to feel that particular energy that was only Nyle's.
Now listening to the above words you might get the idea that our marriage was always smooth...never any friction between us. You would be very wrong in that assumption.
Nyle and I both had huge egos. We were both actors, youngest children in our families, and we both LOVED the spotlight. This caused many problems as we both reached for that nebulous spotlight of life.
To make matters worse we faced so many challenges that I heard a frequent reference that we were very much like Job of the Bible. It's REALLY hard when the chips are down to stay united, to spare each other anger, pain, and sorrow that are conjoined twins to stress and adversity.
We made the angry decision to divorce. We both felt that our relationship was toxic. We were ready to make a break and move on. We knew that it would be hard for our two lovely daughters but children are adaptable, right?
Nyle had worked in the "Family Law," field. That term is a euphemism for the "Break Up Family Law." I was delighted when Nyle left that post and got a job as Associate Dean of Career Services at a nearby law school.
So....Nyle called his former associate from his "Family Law" days to inquire about the process of getting a divorce. Imagine my shock and surprise when Nyle gave his recital of Fred's advice. "Fred told me that he was going to be brutally honest. Then he proceeded to say that "YOU CAN'T AFFORD A DIVORCE." Yes, I put those letter in caps on purpose. Please read on.
Fred said, "Split the house in two and each of you live in your half. Stay away from each other as much as you need to. Then he repeated the above words, "YOU CAN'T AFFORD A DIVORCE."
So...we did what he advised. We each took half of the house, and only came together when our children were around. The thing is, when we each had space and time on our own we remembered all the reasons why we fell in love in the first place.
We made the decision to go to couples counseling. Nyle told me that in an individual session with our therapist she said, "OK Nyle, do you want a divorce?" Nyle said that in that minute the realization came to him that if he divorced me he would NEVER have a wife that had known him in his youth, a wife that had born him children, a wife that was his youthful sweetheart." He answered in a loud and affirmative voice, "No, I don't want a divorce."
So...we learned, we studied with the help of a wise therapist. That's when we came to understand that when the storms of life had been battering us hard instead of uniting and pulling together we were splintering, and projecting our negative emotions on each other.
We also learned years later "There are things about each other that you will never be able to change. When you are in the marital relationship you have to take the entire package, not just the romanticized ideal."
Yesterday I spoke to a sweet friend who is going through a miserable divorce. I told her about Nyle and my experiences. She was so surprised. Seeing our relationship for the last four years she had NO CLUE that we had face such heated times in our marriage.
I share this post in the hopes that somebody else going through "changes and rearranges," that life inevitably brings to the marriage relationship will not just give up. Nyle shared some other advice with me in his "Family Law," days. I don't remember the source of this advice. "A mediocre marriage is far superior to a grand divorce."
Now that Nyle has made the mortal transition that all of us will make some day I am even more determined that there are only two reasons for divorce. #1. Abuse, sexual, physical, or emotional. #2. A partner that perceives that they have no problems...everyone else does, and they refuse to see any need to change or compromise in a relationship. It is simply IMPOSSIBLE to live with such a person.
Nyle and I had finally gotten much of our relationship right. We loved each other. Oh we still weren't perfect. Remember that whole idea above, "There are some things about each other that you will have to live with because they will never change."
Yet, how I miss him with every breath that I breathe. I would even be happy to go back to those hard times, just to see him, to hear him, to feel that particular energy that was only Nyle's.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
A Snow Day in Utah.
So....it's almost spring in Portland, Oregon where I lived for many years. Soon the trees will be budding with hints of green, and floral coloring. There is rain, and very few hours of grayed sunlight. When the gentle transition of winter to spring took place in Portland I would dash about my life as usual. UNTIL! I would stop...in my car, (safely at the side of the road).... or in my walking and be transfixed by the magic of BLOSSOMESes. YES, you heard me right. It's pronounced BLOSSOM s es. (OK...so they never taught me phonetics in school, alright?)
The wonder of BLOSSOMESES! A winter browned tree would suddenly exude a hint of pink, then it would burst into the full brilliance of blossomed spring's beginning. I used to wonder, how is it possible that anyone could see this tree and NOT stop to observe the miracle that is happening here? (OK, I admit it, I'm a little...well shall I say....unique?)
Yet this "uniqueness" of mine I simply love. The miracle that I witness fills my soul with hope. Belief that just as winter is swallowed up by the renewal of spring my life will continually be filled with the promise of joyous days to come. Nature's renewal helps me face gray days, when the gray is NOT caused by winter's heavy handedness but by life's difficulties.
The wonder of BLOSSOMESES! A winter browned tree would suddenly exude a hint of pink, then it would burst into the full brilliance of blossomed spring's beginning. I used to wonder, how is it possible that anyone could see this tree and NOT stop to observe the miracle that is happening here? (OK, I admit it, I'm a little...well shall I say....unique?)
Yet this "uniqueness" of mine I simply love. The miracle that I witness fills my soul with hope. Belief that just as winter is swallowed up by the renewal of spring my life will continually be filled with the promise of joyous days to come. Nature's renewal helps me face gray days, when the gray is NOT caused by winter's heavy handedness but by life's difficulties.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
I Think the World is Glorious
When I was a little girl I would go to Primary which then was a meeting held once a week for children. One of my VERY favorite songs was, "I Think the World is Glorious." The lyrics were, "I think the world is glorious, and lovely as can be, the birds and bees and blossoms bring sweet messages to me, I sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, a song of joy and love. I sing, and sing, and sing, and sing, my thanks to God above.
Those words are very sweet to me today as I look out of our large windows into the sunshiny day. The snowcapped mountains that ring our valley rise up in jagged majesty into the lightly clouded blueness of sky. The neighborhood where I live has 5 condominium complexes. They are new (ish) and attractive. On the south of our street are fields of cows, sheep, and various types of crops. To the west of us are fields where currently horses reside. It is a lovely blend
of features.
As I walk around in this beauty I give thanks to God for creating such a lovely world. It makes me feel humble inside to think that He created all of this beauty for me....for you...for all of his children in all the world. He made the earth a lovely place to give us comfort and joy as we came to this earth and spent our lives here. The prophet David said, "Who is man that Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels."
So here we are, "A little lower than the angels..." Take even five minutes today to watch the sunset in the power of heavenly color. Go for a walk with a child, a friend, a friend's child. The most important thing, give thank's to our beloved God for this beauty.
Those words are very sweet to me today as I look out of our large windows into the sunshiny day. The snowcapped mountains that ring our valley rise up in jagged majesty into the lightly clouded blueness of sky. The neighborhood where I live has 5 condominium complexes. They are new (ish) and attractive. On the south of our street are fields of cows, sheep, and various types of crops. To the west of us are fields where currently horses reside. It is a lovely blend
of features.
As I walk around in this beauty I give thanks to God for creating such a lovely world. It makes me feel humble inside to think that He created all of this beauty for me....for you...for all of his children in all the world. He made the earth a lovely place to give us comfort and joy as we came to this earth and spent our lives here. The prophet David said, "Who is man that Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels."
So here we are, "A little lower than the angels..." Take even five minutes today to watch the sunset in the power of heavenly color. Go for a walk with a child, a friend, a friend's child. The most important thing, give thank's to our beloved God for this beauty.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Weddings and Such
Our niece Garnet got married today. It was the best kind of day...the day when the sky is clear, blue, and beautiful. In addition it's a day when two great families are joined together in marriage. I have a feeling that for the rest of my life family occasions will be when I feel the closest to my beloved Nyle.
Nyle became very ill on our wedding day. He fainted, and well tossed his cookies to put it mildly. So jokingly he told Garnet NOT to do that on her wedding day. I think it may have worked to the opposite for she spent a great deal of her reception desperately sick to her stomach. YIKES!
They were both the youngest in their families....here's hoping that is NOT a familial trait!
It is such a great thing to be connected to loving people. I have made the astute judgment that one can NEVER have too many people to love. That is a VERY good thing in our family because we have a HUGE family. I have over 70 first cousins....I only have one sister, and one brother, but I have four brother-inlaws, and five sister-in laws. (That's between both my husband and I) We have 32 nephews and nieces, and over 40 great nephews and nieces. We even have ONE great great niece!! AWESOME!
So, I am grateful forever for the blessing of family. I'm also grateful for friends that become family as you move through life...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
Through good, bad, and indifferent, a loving family is one of the greatest blessings that life can give. Now for those of you who haven't this blessing, create a loving family from your circle of friends...I know it's possible. When we lived in Oregon for 17 years we had no family there but our own little circle. So over the years we gained a family that was there for us through good, bad, and indifferent. I will ALWAYS treasure that part of our family as well.
I want to thank all of you, that have blessed my life. I hope that there is NEVER a time that I have offended any of you. If I ever do please know that IT'S NOT ON PURPOSE. Talk to me about it...sometimes I'm a little slow. (OK, so I'm getting pretty close to those Senior Moments that I've heard about).
Nyle became very ill on our wedding day. He fainted, and well tossed his cookies to put it mildly. So jokingly he told Garnet NOT to do that on her wedding day. I think it may have worked to the opposite for she spent a great deal of her reception desperately sick to her stomach. YIKES!
They were both the youngest in their families....here's hoping that is NOT a familial trait!
It is such a great thing to be connected to loving people. I have made the astute judgment that one can NEVER have too many people to love. That is a VERY good thing in our family because we have a HUGE family. I have over 70 first cousins....I only have one sister, and one brother, but I have four brother-inlaws, and five sister-in laws. (That's between both my husband and I) We have 32 nephews and nieces, and over 40 great nephews and nieces. We even have ONE great great niece!! AWESOME!
So, I am grateful forever for the blessing of family. I'm also grateful for friends that become family as you move through life...YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
Through good, bad, and indifferent, a loving family is one of the greatest blessings that life can give. Now for those of you who haven't this blessing, create a loving family from your circle of friends...I know it's possible. When we lived in Oregon for 17 years we had no family there but our own little circle. So over the years we gained a family that was there for us through good, bad, and indifferent. I will ALWAYS treasure that part of our family as well.
I want to thank all of you, that have blessed my life. I hope that there is NEVER a time that I have offended any of you. If I ever do please know that IT'S NOT ON PURPOSE. Talk to me about it...sometimes I'm a little slow. (OK, so I'm getting pretty close to those Senior Moments that I've heard about).
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentine's Day, A New NORMAL??
I'm sitting in the semi-darkness. My Valentine's Tree (aka as my Christmas tree) lights are blinking softly, lighting my heart. Every ornament on this tree has a story, and every decoration
connects me to my sweetheart Nyle.
I don't remember our last Valentine's Day together, last year. It bothers me that I can't remember but what I DO remember is how special Nyle made EVERYDAY that we were together. He had such a joyeux de vivre. The worst times were made better by his ability to be silly, to goof, to joke, but most especially to love.
I'm ever so grateful for the gift that he left behind for me...our two daughters. They watch over me with care and patience. It's an early role reversal. I expected eventually for our daughters to reach out to take care of me when I became old and possibly feeble, more fragile. I NEVER planned on their having to take care of me before I even reached the generally accepted age of seniorhood sixty.
Yet they give, serve, and love with such seeming ease that sometimes I forget to notice that I AM being served. All through their young lives they have taught me about so many things. Now they teach me about dealing with grief by serving others.
Valentine's Day can be a difficult time for those who have not had the chance for romance, or those that face divorce, or death. Yet I have found great joy this year, even as I fight great sorrow....through the loving gifts given to our family from others.
So....I miss Nyle with every breath that I breathe, but I am thankful for the years we spent together. I WILL overcome my anguish by following Nyle and our daughters example of service.
connects me to my sweetheart Nyle.
I don't remember our last Valentine's Day together, last year. It bothers me that I can't remember but what I DO remember is how special Nyle made EVERYDAY that we were together. He had such a joyeux de vivre. The worst times were made better by his ability to be silly, to goof, to joke, but most especially to love.
I'm ever so grateful for the gift that he left behind for me...our two daughters. They watch over me with care and patience. It's an early role reversal. I expected eventually for our daughters to reach out to take care of me when I became old and possibly feeble, more fragile. I NEVER planned on their having to take care of me before I even reached the generally accepted age of seniorhood sixty.
Yet they give, serve, and love with such seeming ease that sometimes I forget to notice that I AM being served. All through their young lives they have taught me about so many things. Now they teach me about dealing with grief by serving others.
Valentine's Day can be a difficult time for those who have not had the chance for romance, or those that face divorce, or death. Yet I have found great joy this year, even as I fight great sorrow....through the loving gifts given to our family from others.
So....I miss Nyle with every breath that I breathe, but I am thankful for the years we spent together. I WILL overcome my anguish by following Nyle and our daughters example of service.
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