Random Act of Auntiness

Slim, and not very tall yet my eight year old great-nephew was baptized on Saturday.  In our faith, (Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints) that involves baptism by immersion.  I was so very proud of this young tyke who made his own decision to be baptized. 

I hope that as he moves forward into the rest of his life that this memory will be strong in his brain.  The memory of Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends, Parents, all coming together lovingly to support him will move forward into life with him.  He will NEVER be alone in this lifetime unless he chooses to be.  At any given time he has only to reach out, either to his large family, or to his memory of that sacred day. When he reaches out he will remember how beloved he is.  I hope that will help him in the tougher times that life brings to all of us if we live long enough.

During one point in the services when we were waiting for Andrew to dress and come back to the baptismal room there was a grand reunion.  Family was connecting with a uniquely Smith/Powell form of love, and laughter.  The officiator said that in sacred circumstances such visiting would seem inappropriate, HOWEVER, there was such a genuine spirit of love in our reunion that it was sacred.

It caused me to reflect on the ultimate reunion. That time after this life is finished.  I will again be with my sweetheart forever.  Oh what a grand reunion that will be.

So, I started with Andrew and I shall end with Andrew.  Thank you dear for being such a remarkable, handsome, loving, young man.  I know that you are loved by a huge number of family, but remember always that one great-aunt named CJ loves you!

Welcome to Monday

So...it is the oft dreaded day known as Monday.  The dread is well expressed in the little jingle, "I owe, I owe so off to work I go..."  Sung to the tune of Heigh Ho from Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Now since I have used this jingle to represent Mondays it seems appropriate to take the idea one step further.  The seven dwarfs are as follows, Doc, Dopey, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, and Twitchy, (um...I may or may not have made up the last one's name because I can't remember the actual name of the 7th dwarf....shhhh....don't tell Disney...lol)  Let us examine the names of the dwarfs which actually represent the characteristics of their personalities.

On Monday which dwarf are you?  If you are Happy....please contact me, I would LOVE to meet you!  If you are any of the other dwarfs, well let's just say I'm sad for your co-workers.  Worse yet if you transform between the dwarves rapidly, YIKES!  I believe that there is a psychological name for this condition but we won't go into that now.

So, on this Monday morning if you are feeling Grumpy, Dopey, or Sleepy, try to remember that it really truly is a great blessing to have a way to earn money to pay for little luxuries, you know like rent, food, and toilet paper?  Remembering this idea may help you segue from any of those sad dwarfs to Happy...and after all don't we all want to be Happy?

Todays Expressions and Impressions

My post yesterday introduced my word experimentation.  So here is today's phrasing.

1.  SIMPLE:  The clouds had layers.

2.  MORE DETAILED:  Sunset defined the colors of cloud.

3.  STILL MORE DETAILED:  Clouds were painted in layers in the sunset.

4.  MOST DETAILED:  Gray, turquoise, and silvery-white, the clouds painted the day into night.

Now it's your turn...remember, I want interactive here.  I'm excited to hear from you!

Creative Wordsmithing

Wordsmith....the definition is a person who crafts unique word arrangements as they describe things that may be ever so ordinary.  In old England people didn't have last names.  Their trade was the name they used.  For example John the Blacksmith, Harold the Tinsmith, etc. etc.  Ever wonder why there are so many Smith's?  At one point in history everyone was required to have a last name.  So the front of their work was dropped and they became SMITH'S.  Think of all the Smithing professions, Tinsmiths, Wordsmiths, Coppersmiths, Blacksmiths, on and on and on.  But I digress from my initial reason for posting.

This week I'm going to do a simple exercise with my writing.  I'm going to look at everyday sights and come up with different words of description.  Here is my example for this morning.

I saw trees with smog ice, bare of leaves, reaching to the sky.  Next example:  Lacy etched tree fronds scratched at the steely, stormy, silvered, sky.  Simplistic:  The tree had ice from smog.  Simpler still Frozen tree iced.  OK that last one may or may NOT be a complete sentence but this is a CREATIVE exercise NOT an exercise countained by the discipline of grammar and punctuation.

Now it's your turn....please oh please, somebody respond by listing some of YOUR examples of everyday things that you observe.  I guess it goes without saying but PLEASE do not express things that are less than refined.  I LOVE my blog posts to be interactive so let lose your inhibitions and start describing, I can't wait to hear from you!

The Auntie Example

Aunts....in the western United States the title for this relative is usually pronounced the same as the small creature on the ground ant.  In the East and Midwest of America the title is pronounced Ahnt, or Ahntie.  Somehow that sounds better to me.....ahntie.

Shakespeare wisely said in his play, Romeo and Juliet, "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet."  So I suppose whether you call these relatives by the title of Ant or Ahnt or Ahntie doesn't matter.  What matters is the relationship with these people.

I have many, MANY Aunts.  When I married my husband I gained four more.  One of my husband's aunts (she's now mine as well....I plan on keeping her as mine for eternity!!!) the very first time she met me pulled me in for a hug.  I was feeling huge feelings of insecurity.  Nyle and I were getting married in a few weeks.  I didn't know his family AT ALL....and we had been engaged and disengaged two or three times in a year. 

This same beloved Ahntie, Aunt Jane said words that are engraved on my heart forever, "Welcome to our family CJ.  I love you already.  I know that you will be a great blessing to Nyle, and to all of our family."  WOW!  Those sweet words have echoed in my heart and soul for the last 28 years.

This week, I lost two Aunts....Aunt Della, and Auntie Jane.  The two didn't have much in common.  Each of them was from a different side of my large, lovely family.  The one thing they did have in common was that for the last several years of their lives they both struggled with dementia.  One of the darkest times in life is watching someone that you love leave before their body is finished.  As their personalities faded away the memories that I shared with them became more and more precious.

I can not feel sad for their deaths.  For both of them it is a great release.  I believe that once again they are in their best healthiest selves.  Even if I did NOT believe in life after death (and it is very real to me), even if I ascribed to the theory that there is NOTHING after death, we simply cease to exist, I would be happy for them to have left behind the burdens of pain, and dementia.

Yet within their struggles I see the strengths that are cultivated by the families.  Unselfishness that is shown in the caring for these two ladies who have been dear to me.  Moments of poignance when they would be themselves even for a brief period of time. 

What I would wish is that I could have a time machine.  I would sail back in time to New Year's Day at my Aunt Della's.  I would watch her happy animated face as she made making a 4 or 5 course meal for 50 look effortless.  I would hear her musical laugh ringing out again.  I would hug her tight and tell her how much I love her.

Ahntie Jane....I would snuggle up and go to sleep with her in her double bed.  I don't think we slept all that much but we had fun giggling and gabbing.  The years seemed to fall away and we were both young girls having a slumber (slumberLESS) party.  I would eat her amazing biscuits that were so light and fluffy you HAD to put gravy on them or they would simply float off the plate.  (OK, that last statement may be a bit exaggerated, but not much!)  I would sing, and sing, and sing to Ahntie Jane.  She always told me that she LOVED to hear me sing, and I LOVED to sing to her.

Both of these aunts were examples to me of faith, of courage in the hardest of times, and laughter in all times.  Both of them blessed me with many, MANY wonderful cousins, and cousins children, and left behind a large legacy of love.

Salute to you both ladies, Aunt Della, and Auntie Jane.  I love you both.  Even though your turn on this old earth is finished you will always be a part of me.   I am excited for that time when once again we are together.  Aunt Della, please play the piano for me (she was a terrific piano player) so that I can sing to Aunt Jane, and then we'll have a HUGE round of playing card games.  Maybe in the eternities Auntie Jane will cook for me, and I will sing to her....I know that I would appreciate the trade off (I appreciate good cooking but don't really like to do it myself)....NYLE would definitely appreciate it too!

Unexpected Adventure

Is there something in your life that makes is lack control....at least YOUR control?  Do you have health conditions, an abusive significant other, children with "issues," elderly parents that you care for, something that can turn your  carefully planned day around in a heartbeat?

When I was younger I would always get annoyed by "Self-Help" Gurus who preached the gospel of"Taking Control of your Life."

Please don't misunderstand I am not saying don't plan for the future, or don't manage time wisely, and especially not the idea, "Tonight let's get some (hmmm....pop song, I wonder what 'some' they are referring to, lol) and live while we're young?"

Each of us had a limited degree of control that we can exercise in our own lives.  If you are blessed enough to have good health all of your life, a terrific job, loving family, and NO elements that are out of your control, you may want to skip this and look up those "Self-Help," gurus I referred to in the 2nd paragraph.

For those of you who have had life happen to them I wish to discuss the ONLY element that we ultimately control in this life.  That is OUR REACTION to whatever life throws our way.  We DO have control of that one single thread in our world. 

In other words, last night I went to a free health clinic where I live.  The examining registered nurse told me that my pulse was hesitating between each beat.  I had felt lethargic and out of sorts all day.  I would get dizzy each time I stood up.

Taking this combination of factors she advised me to get to a doctor.  It was to late to get in to my doctor so I went to the ER.

After checking me out thoroughly for four hours they decided they wanted more tests and sent me off to the hospital for an overnight stay. 

Today should have been MISERABLE in the extreme.  I couldn't take the meds that I needed until four hours after they were due.  I couldn't eat, or drink.  Physically I felt distinctly unwell.  Emotionally I felt intimidated by the possibility that I might be about to have a heart attack.  CONTROL IN MY LIFE?  Not so much.

Then Ella Enchanted entered my room.  (Not her actual name)  My first tip that I would really like this lady was that she had short spunky hair like mine.  The second wss that this woman was filled with fireworks.  They seemed to explode magically around her.  (NO I was NOT on any medicine, remember?)

This dear soul and I proceeded to have a party.  For the first time in my entire life I was sad to have medical tests end.  We giggled, gabbed, and grew and all in a three hour span of time.  She was a medical technician supremo.  She keeps her room filled with charm, and joy.

If I had NOT had that arrhythmia last night, and a bit of a scare I would not have been in THAT hospital meeting Ella Enchanted.  Did I have CONTROL over those circumstances....not at all.  Did those circumstances lead me to something better than I could ever have imagined on my own?  Absolutely!

So the next time the rug gets yanked out from under your feet in life open up your mind to possibilities.  Who knows, there may be an Ella Enchanted waiting for you.

The very best part was that I'm NOT dying, having a heart attack, or anything life threatening.  I have had a mitral valve prolapse most of my life and it kicks in every once in awhile.  Apparently it did so yesterday, but I wanted to make certain that it was nothing new and different moving forward into my future.

If there is anybody reading this post that is a "Control Freak," somebody that thinks that they can actually wrest from life total control...loosen your tie, take your hair out of it's tightly repressed knot on the back of your head.  Remember that even the most unpleasant circumstances can lead to some amazing blessings perhaps even an adventure or two!

Walking Through the Valley of the Shadow

In the Old Testament, Psalms 23 is a beautiful literary verse.  It says in part, "....Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...."  I feel distinctly like that is what I AM doing right now.  The shadow of death has been occasioned by the death of my beloved husband of twenty-seven years.

I am learning new life lessons.  Indeed I feel as though I am being instructed in a "Master Class," of grief and sorrow.  My beloved husband was my "Dream come true."  I dated LOTS of toads before I found my handsome prince.  I knew pretty quickly after I found him that he WAS my handsome prince. 

Due to a series of unforeseen circumstances both of us were retired by the time that we were in our forties.  That meant that for the last fifteen years of Nyle's life we were together virtually twenty-four hours a day seven days a week.  It was pretty rough at first.  Learning our boundaries, becoming more patient with each others differences took great patience and effort.

It felt a great deal like we were rough rocks tossed into the old rock polisher.  The way that this machine polished the rocks was by pounding them against each other and knocking off the rough surfaces.  What emerged was a shiny, polished, beautiful creation.

Nyle was a wonderful husband.  He was romantic, thoughtful, funny, talented, brilliant, the man of my dreams.  So now trying to create new dreams without him hurts at the cellular level of my body. 

I like to be viewed by others as an endlessly positive person.  If I had my way I would outdo Pollyanna!  lol  Yet I am learning that sometimes you just HAVE to cry.  Sometimes it helps to cry.  The worst times are when the missing is too deep for the release of tears.

I can NOT look ahead to a future without my handsome prince in it.  In my Mother's family the woman tend to live a LOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG time.  My grandmother was 91 my mother will turn 94 in February.  I wish to admit that the idea of living that long right now without Nyle is horrifying.  So instead I stumble along moment to moment trying to wrest a little joy or satisfaction out of life.

The coping strategies that have served me well in life are not doing a good job with this pain.  I know there are support groups for widows....it just feels like everyone involved in those groups are on the downhill side of this pain.  It would help to know that someone else is fighting an ongoing battle with the "Shadow of death."

So, if any of you in "Blogville" are dealing with this sort of sorrow I would appreciate hearing from you and knowing how you are finding a "New normal."