Monday, August 12, 2013

All I Am...

Since Nyle's death there is an artist that I listen to and sing with almost daily.  The catharsis of Sara Bareille's songs have helped me fight through some pretty ugly emotions.  Little things like the yawning chasm of time that spreads before me until I am with my beloved again.  Yup...little things like that.

Somehow dancing and singing reminds me that there IS still joy in life.  There ARE still reasons for living.  Yet there is one song "All I am all I need HE'S THE AIR I WOULD KILL TO BREATH!"  Oh how I feel the words of that song into my very cellular, soulular level. 

There are a few lyrics that I  Sara sings, "The burden I bear is a love I can't carry anymore..."  I sing, "The burden I bear is a love I WILL CARRY EVERMORE!"

Faith teaches me that Nyle is not far away.  He still watches over his family...just as he did in the physical realm.  A little thing like death could NOT stop Nyle from being here.  Our two daughters, and myself....we were his family, the very most important thing in his life!  He loved us, protected us, encouraged us, and made us laugh on an extremely regular basis.

Miss better believe it!  Yet we know that the dear man would want us to live...and be happy!  Sometimes I almost wish (notice I said ALMOST) that he had been a miserable man.  Wish that we were happy to be rid of him!  NOT THE CASE.  I only miss him once a day, everyday, all day the country western song croons.

Well now that I've worked at convincing myself I'm going to go throw myself into living.  After all as Nyle ALWAYS quoted, "Feelings are not facts."  In other words your brain says, "Go to bed, cry lots, feel good and sorry for your widowed self."  Yet the knowledge that those feelings do not have to be facts...I need to keep living, eating, and writing....writing...writing.  When I'm not writing I WILL SING!  Be aware any and all that come in my influence...I WILL SING!

1 comment:

  1. Keep singing my friend. I'm certain you will find your purpose in life for being a widow. I'm young and probably in a different era of life to truly understand your situation, but I know one thing for sure. You are strong. You are inspiring. And you are needed by many in this life still. Keep reaching beyond your greatest fears. We should get together some time when I return to Pleasant Grove. :)