Friday, July 26, 2013

Co Executive Officer

Have you ever listed the tasks that are in your life.  If you have not done is the day.  Here is the list that I have compiled.  I base this list on the time in my life when my children were little, and I worked part-time.  This list is NOT to show my nobility, or superiority.  This list is to encourage all of you to stop and take notice....adjust priorities, rearrange time waste.  (Nobody can afford to waste money, so how come we can so freely waste time?)

I list my position as Co-Executive Officer because that was simply my very favorite position in life.  Working with my beloved was at times extremely thorny and difficult, but usually the greatest gift life gave me!

Now that my children are grown, and my husband has passed my list has changed greatly.  I also remember those of you who are CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICERS because you simply don't have the privilege of a husband or wife to share the duties in your life.

Job Description for Co-Executive Officer (Please note that duties are NOT listed in priority order)

1.  Inventory and Procurement Officer
     A.  Tracking all supplies necessary to keep a home or office running, including purchasing food to supply three meals and a snack or two a day.  This is a daily oversight job, with a weekly and monthly component as financial assets are surveyed and "creatively" managed.  (No I do NOT condone embezzlement but there were those times that I had to round up cans to get enough money for gas to drive across town to pick up my children from school).
     B.  Planning all meals,  making them nutritious,  keeping in minds the likes and dislikes of those you are feeding.  Also factoring in the possibility of diabetes, gluten intolerance, fat intolerance, and food allergies.

2.  Chef, AND clean up committee. 
     A. So in grand kitchens there is a chef who oversees the process of cleaning, preparing, and combining elements into a delightful meal.  He or she has a delightful group that rush about following the chef's every direction.  In your home you ARE the workers AND the chef. 
       B. Training and development of new chef's and prep cooks, and clean-up duties.

3.  Waste Product Manager
      A.  Tracks weekly garbage pick-up.
      B.  Plunges toilets when needed (which when the children are small is often...think of a child
            filling the toilet with toilet paper and then flushing?)

4.  Coordination Expert
     A.  Works together with Co Executive Officer smoothly to access and combine schedules of all in the family.  This includes
            sports events, work, church activities, church volunterism, community outreach, and needs for
            duties to maintain a home.
      B.  There is no litigation involved in this particular job item but there is DEFINITELY intense
             arbitration and diplomacy skills needed.

5.  Plumbing expert
     A.  Able to plunge an overflowing toilet, and then provide the clean-up afterwards that is necessary.
      B.  Able to work with the interior of the back of a toilet to connect a chain that has come undone, or cause the bulb ish thingie to work properly.  (I did not mention that this plumbing job necessitates learning the appropriate descriptions of official plumber, now did I?)
       C.  Able to retrieve a ring from a pipe, and then put the pipe back together.
       D.  Using the plumbing to provide a proper burial for fish, and/or tiny mice (able to unplug the
             toilet once again when a gerbil is flushed down the toilet!)

6.  Chauffer
      A.  Providing transportation for any and all small children who do not yet have the capacity of getting themselves to where they need to be when they need to be there.
       B.  Coordinating efforts of using the vehicle with Co CEO since there is only one car in the

7.  Nurse/Doctor/Vet
      A.  Able to diagnose symptoms of common ailments including sore throats, stomach aches, indigestion, flu, cold, and other maladies.
       B.  Determination expert.  Makes quick and qualified decisions about when to seek further assistance for symptomatic relief.
      C.  Able to give healthy and necessary injections to husband, children, or yourself.
      D.  Calming influence in times of trauma.  Example, seven year old child cuts herself to the bone.  Able to say, "Oh no you won't need stitches" when you know they absolutely will, or perhaps to say, "Let's wait and see," only with this particular child if you even hint that they may have to have stitches they will go into a whirling frenzy and it will necessitate four people to pick them up, get them in the car, and KEEP them in the car, until they reach the clinic, and then pick up the whirling child and carry them in to the doctor and keep them still long enough to make the stitches!  Deep breath!
       E.  Able to diagnose and treat creatures from the family dog or cat, to a fish, a gerbil, other various and sundry rodents, a snake, or a gila monster.  (Have you ever had to give a cat a pill twice a day?)  See above job description of nursing or doctoring scratches incurred in said dosing.

8.  Electronics Expert
     A.  Directly responsible for the maintenance of all computers (hardware AND software), cell phones, video games, television, cables, and connections.
     B.  In my case, supporting my Co officer in HIS duties in this area.  (The most I can do with electronics is unplug it, and then plug it back in and see if that solves the problem! :)

9.  Security Management
     A.  In charge of keeping home properly secured at all times, including locking windows, and dead bolts on all doors.
     B.  Tracking fire alarm, keeping fire extinguisher loaded and in the kitchen, having carbon monoxide alarm as well
     C.  Watching over small children at ALL times.  Being aware that even if you don't have much in the way of financial success sexual slavers now troll the streets of America looking for an easy "Snatch."
      D.  Being constantly vigilant when in stores, museums or other public places with your children.  Children are not taken because they ran away from their parents.  All you have to do is turn your back for a short moment. 
      E.  Doing your best to make your child filled with faith, and not fear.  (Faith can include, faith in family, faith in God or religion of your choice, faith in friends....etc. etc.)
       F.  Setting curfews
       G.  Waiting up for child who doesn't pay any attention to the curfew that you've set.

10.  Laundry/Mending Management
       A.  Inventory and upkeep of all clothing in the home. 
        B.  Awareness of what clothing item will be needed by what family member next.
        C.  Folding of clean clothes.
        D.  Putting away clean clothes
        E.  Picking up clothes that haven't been worn, are still fairly clean but have been thrown on the floor multiple times in the search to pull some item of clothing out of a chest of drawers, repeat this step times forever.

11.  Tutorial Expert
        A.  Able to assist children with homework
         B.  Able to read bedtime stories, or help children read stories
         C.  Able to assist with high school math (maybe take a class yourself?)
         D.  Competent to help a child maintain the wide eyed wonder that they are born with into their teens and beyond

12.  Chaplain
        A.  This does not mean that you are affiliated with any organized religion.  You may be an atheist but you will still need to learn how to explain dreadful things to your child.  Like, why are there so many people being killed in Rawanda?   How could there be a God if he lets such evil exist?
        B.  Attending church as a family (if you do embrace organized religion)
        C.  Creating an open forum for religious discussion in your home
         D.  Reading and studying of scripture
         E.  Prayer, or meditation

13.  Psychological Therapist
       A.  Able to think of wise and helpful ways to address your growing child's needs, "Mommy, Tommy just pushed me into a mud puddle, and my brand new dress is ruined....WAAAAHHHH!"
next scenario, "Mommy, Tommy says he hates me and doesn't want to sit by me anymore in school....WAAAAAHHH!"  "Mommy, Tommy is going to the school dance with Judy and she's such a creep....WAAAAHHHH!"  to "Mommy, Tommy wants to marry me, but I haven't finished college, and I want to get my degree and I don't know how we can juggle everything and have a degree for both of us....WAAAAAH!"  Those are the EASY times.  Generalizing can be a dangerously exclusive activity but it IS true that for the most part boys are all about MOTION, girls are all about E---MOTION.
        B.  What if your child develops a mental illness (which should actually be called a chemical illness with mental's more about other parts of your body than your brain...pituitary gland, thyroid, red blood cells, etc. etc.  Now you will need the wisdom of a therapist to guide this troubled child to helpful environments...possibly even taking them to a hospital if they become a danger to themselves or others....definitely seeking out emergency medical assistance for those dynamics.

       A.  Learning about your own weaknesses and strengths through performance of your job duties.
       B.  Two small arms wrapping around your neck (did I mention the small arms are sticky with honey, and tree sap?) and a small mouth that is just learning to speak saying, "I wuv you Mommy."  OK...AWESOME reward.
        C.  Watching tiny infants grow into moving, grooving toddlers, children, teenagers, and adults.  It's AWESOME in the truest shape of the word (awe inspiriting).
         D.  The arbitration, and interconnectivity of being married for 27 years (me) to the man of my dreams!!!
        E.  Having a family, and BEING a family!
         F.  Two adult arms creeping around your neck and saying, "I love you Mom." 
         G.  AMAZING to see your children become consultants of history, and school teachers, or doctors, or attorneys, or childcare workers, etc. etc.  Beyond exciting to see them be productive members of our society.
          H.  Too many rewards to even list. if you feel overwhelmed, your house is a mess, you are still in your pajamas at 2 in the afternoon, your kids are quarreling AGAIN for what seems like the millionth time and it's ONLY 2 in the afternoon.  Step back, turn on your MP3 player and dance with them, or go outside and play catch, or hopscotch, or take them to the park. 

Remember housework, will ALWAYS exist, but childhood will NOT.  Make a memory today, and everyday, and focus on all the rewards instead of the troubles and problems.  Feel free to remind me of this the next time I need some cheese with my "whine." 


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