It was only five in the morning. CJ had only slept for five far too short hours. She remembered the night before, lying down and feeling, "Goodness, this is what a pear feels like just before it drops from the tree, RIPE." Nine months pregnant, waddling like a duck, with the sense that baby was taking over all of the real estate in her body, CJ still adored the feeling of being pregnant. It was uncomfortable lying down in any position. Sleep was more of a wish than a reality. Yet lying in bed, watching her soon to come babe move in tai chi elegant movements was her new favorite past time.
The alarm clock that had awakened CJ was a seriously sharp pain. Her entirely enormous abdomen was flexing, stretching, and then shrinking hard, harder, hardest. She groaned and managed to push up off the bed for a restroom break. It was quite amazing to her how little room her bladder had now.
Going back to bed CJ had ten wondrous moment of sleep until....the pain was back! This time it felt even stronger. For a few hours CJ rested, awakened to this sharp new experience, rested, and awakened.
Finally, she awkwardly waddled down a seemingly endless flight of stairs to inform her hubby that today was THE DAY! He was still asleep, and CJ hesitated for a nanosecond about awakening him. As the next pain gripped her she shook him awake. "Honey, we're going to have a baby today!"
Eyes sleepy her husband sat up in bed. His eyes grew large with realization, "Really?"
CJ called work and told them she wouldn't be in today. Then she began packing her hospital suitcase. She had not done that before, the baby wasn't due for another week, and first babies always came late, right?
She did not get very far with the packing. Soon the labor pains began their slashing pain every five minutes and then three. "Nyle, call the hospital and ask if we should come in." CJ had wanted to stay home until the very last possible minute. Her great great grandma had given birth on the hard ground of Wyoming and then walked on dreaming of a promised place for her children. CJ had that kind of strength inside her...until...the intensity of the pain soon had her hovering over the toilet, her meal from the previous night making an encore performance.
"Come on honey. I'll bring you your suitcase later. We need to get to the hospital." Nyle spoke the words with urgency. CJ knew that he did not wish to deliver their child himself.
CJ rejoiced that the hospital was literally five minutes away. This time it seemed as though Nyle's driving cut the trip in half. "Nyle, can you believe that it's here? The day when our babe will join our family?" Then her joy was followed by, "WOW! This hurts so much!"
Happy and rejoicing switched with her worst self in the span of three minutes, CJ was grateful to waddle towards the door of the hospital. Unfortunately, she had to stop to become ill into the bushes for a few moments.
An elderly gentleman was exiting the hospital door when he witnessed the scenario. CJ was retching helplessly, Nyle was holding her, keeping her hair out of her face. Suddenly, the old man was racing towards the hospital door as though his youth had been restored. He returned with a wheelchair, and his best wishes.
CJ wanted to be strong, valiant like her pioneer ancestresses. She managed for another hour. Then again in her cranky alter ego she panted, "Epidural...now!" Epidural given, things slowed down. Nyle and CJ spoke in reverent voices about the new life they had created in love.
Hours blew past. AND THEN...the need to push rushed through CJ. The nurse guided her as she breathed and pushed as though everything in life depended on this moment. She also realized that everything in her child's life depended on this moment. For three eternally long hours CJ pushed, to no avail. The babe would not move out past a certain point. The nurse explained that the baby had its head in the wrong position.
At long last the doctor arrived. An instrument was shown, and then used, and in moments life began with a whoosh and a cry for Ardis Kay Smith. There was a neo-natal team in the room. Complications had threatened the babe. Quickly they moved in to assure the wee one's life.
Before the team began to work on the babe, Nyle laughed with joy, CJ wept with the same emotion. Nyle clipped the cord that had sustained Ardis' life in the womb. For seconds it seemed their girl had laid on her Mother's stomach before she was whisked away.
Nyle follow closely after their girl. He would not risk the possibility that their precious child was labeled incorrectly. He relaxed a bit once her tiny tag declared her identity in proud print.
Much later, CJ and Nyle put their darling girl between them in their bed. They both looked on with wonder and amazement. They wondered, "Who is this child? What will she love? How will she face life? What will we do as parents to give her the opportunities that she deserves?" Soon they slept and dreamed of a brilliant future.
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass....it's about learning to dance in the rain!
Monday, September 19, 2016
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Hidden Wedges
It was a grand tree. Standing for hundreds of years through rain, snow, ice, heat, and cold, it seemed invincible. Then in a thunder storm, lightning hit the tree and it split in two. Sorrow was felt by the owners of the property. That tree held a swing. All of their children, and grandchildren had spent hours dreaming in the swing. Their family often had parties in the shade of the tree.
In preparation for using the salvageable wood of the now destroyed tree, the property owner examined it closely. In the heart, the center of the grand old tree, was a wedge. This was a piece of metal used to split wood. The man remembered years ago when he had been in a terrible hurry. He had put the wedge in the tree. He had planned on coming back and retrieving it. Life got in the way, and soon he had forgotten about the wedge.
The tree had grown around and over this tool. Lightning had reached its weak spot. The wedge had fulfilled the purpose of splitting wood, the old tree.
What wedges are you hosting? Is there a family member that you feel has wronged you? Have you let this hurt fester, and eventually weaken the very fabric of your relationship? Or have you discussed it, processed it, and let it fade into the shadows of the past? Have you "let go," of friends rather than discussed and healed? If you let go of people because of hidden wedges, you may soon become very, very lonely.
Are there other types of wedges hidden deep that are holding you back? An example. I attended college for three semesters. I quit at that point because I could not decide what major to follow. I could not make a life decision. It has been almost 40 years, and I'm still struggling with the idea of what direction I would follow in education!
My husband went to law school when he was in his 30's. Several people questioned his choice. "Nyle, who is going to hire a brand new attorney in his 30's? The law firms all want young, eager, trainable attornies. Nyle responded without hesitation. In three years I will be three years older. The other choice? I get my legal degree. I will have had three years of legal education. The reality was that he was one of few students in his graduating class that already had a job when he graduated! His employees valued the maturity, and life experience he carried within.
Take a half hour today and review. (There is ALWAYS at least a half hour that you can squeeze into your day)! Are there hidden wedges that are holding you back, keeping you from achieving the goals you long for, dream of? If there are, what actions will help you pull that wedge out and move on? Start...start right now! If we all participate in this idea, what improvements will it bring in our personal lives, in the lives of those around us?
Sometimes in life help is needed to give us insight, and assistance in removing deeply imbedded wedges. There is great strength in admitting that you need help! I believe that everyone should either take self improvement classes, or go to a counselor. This life is NEVER static! It's always changing. Do you wish to progress or regress?
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Dancing in the Rain!
My darling and I danced every single chance that we got. Sometimes it was with him in a wheelchair. Sometimes it was with me in a wheelchair. Sometimes it was sitting in chairs, dancing cheek to cheek. We DANCED!
I have told this story before, so forgive me if you've heard it many times. It's just a perfect story to indicated the power and depth of Nyle's beautiful soul. He was having a heart attack. He had one the month before so he knew all the signs. He wouldn't let us call an ambulance. He had no insurance and it would cost thousands of dollars. He wouldn't let us take him to the hospital until he presented us with gifts that he had purchased for us. I think he felt that he might not be coming home alive. The plaques said, "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to DANCE in the rain. Somehow the gift of those plaques at that all too critical time summed up Nyle's personality.
If you look closely at this picture, you can see the love shimmering between us. We went through Hell and Heaven in our marriage. Yet that love we shared was unquenchable. It wavered from time to time, It sometimes faltered for just the rarest of days, but ultimately, it could not be denied!
When I was 20, I worked in a department store downtown in a charming city. One night we had a black out. I had to walk two blocks in a black out city, to my car. I was terrified! I kept looking all around, and over my shoulders. I think I thought that I could do something defensive if I saw someone coming to harm me.
Suddenly, the idea came into my mind to dance. It was pouring. I AM a huge Gene Kelly fan. I think I've seen that movie about a million times. "Singin' in the Rain." So, I began to sing and dance down the street. It was remarkable. My fear left me as I splashed my way to the car, singing and dancing at the top of my lungs. If anyone was looking to harm me they probably left when it looked like I had lost my mind! :)
Today, I'm going to do my best to dance through this current storm. I have the shingles. Gratefully it's a mild case, but it is still not fun. I will still dance, I will just be very careful not to do it around anyone that could catch this misery!
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Talk Between Generations in 2016
I began working with computers in 1978. In those days the way to access the main computer you had a keyboard, a small, light-up box to see the data you were entering, and a jumbo printer that could print out the data you were entering. A mainframe computer usually filled at least one very large room.
I continued working with computers from the 1980's through 1997, including each and every new permutation of computer program that arrived.
I learned about where certain terms came from, like debugging, reboot, DOS prompt, and so forth, when they first were coined.
AND THEN? Life happened, and I did NOT use a computer for professional reasons until 2012. In fifteen years, a short span of time as related to things like dinosaurs, trees, or rocks, or sixty year old humans (notice similarity of the last to the first three items) EVERYTHING CHANGED!
That mainframe that took at least one very large room....now could be held in a teeny, tiny box in your hand. A darling little creation became available for listening to music, it was called a Nanopod. Then an even smaller version became available. It was roughly the size of a large postage stamp.
Our children grew up. Suddenly conversations became laced with terms like APPS, and Iphones, Ipads, Ipods, and other I types of creations! By I, I am not referring to me, myself, and I. No, I'm referring to each and every combination, and creation of Apple's latest brain trust. Let's not forget, Iwatches.
Our 20 something children developed a rather large, and real generational gap with their parents. Me, "How do I access the DOS prompt so that I can navigate between the programs?" Them? "HUH?"
Me, "Wait, do I use Safari for the worldwide web, or is Firefox a better choice?" Them? "Mom, you don't say Worldwide Web anymore. It's just called the Net." Me, "Don't you need to type in http://www?" "Oh no, that hasn't been used for a long time!" At the time, I believe that LONG time was in human time a year! Again, time is very relative.
I do not mean to indicate that I'm slow witted, or that our children are slow witted. Oh Heaven's, our children are anything but slow witted. My 5 year old great-niece can move about in and out of the computer world with the speed of light. (Wait, that phrasing hasn't changed, has it)?
When my Mom and Mother in law entered their late 70's, suddenly, they seemed to be unable to cope with "new technology," like, a CD player, surround sound, even cassettes seemed beyond their scope of use. My Mom lived to be 95. The last five years of her life she could not use a telephone because she could not remember to dial 9 in front of the phone number to get out of the facility where she lived.
Let me take us all on an "old school," stroll down memory lane. If any of you reading are below 40 years old, do NOT leave NOW...it's just about to get interesting. It is 1925. If you wish to listen to music, you wind up the victorola. It's sort of the size of a current large screen TV, only it's as wide as it is large. You have to wind an arm on the side to make the turntable move in a circle. You have a very large round thing (like a giant CD) that you put on the spinning wheel of the Victorola, and it plays a very, very poor sound quality recording of music. Some big hits like, "Beautiful Ohio," or the slightly naughty, "Ain't She Sweet."
You can go to a movie...but there is no sound onscreen. You have to read the captions to understand why somebody is tying that pretty young lady with Marcel waved hair on the railroad track. There is a piano in front of the screen playing something called, "Mood music." For a nickel you can watch several films in a row.
If you are young, you might use a phrase like, "Twenty-three skidoos," or "the Bee's Knees." There is no television, there is no radio, sometimes there is not even electricity. Which makes that old Victorola nice because it does not require anything but an arm to wind it up. Of course, when the winding arm winds down the song becomes slower, and s..l..o..w..e..r, and s...l...o...w...e...r and it sounds as though the performer is now a Bass, even if it's actually a woman singing high Soprano.
What do you do for fun? Well, you do NOT play video games. You play parlor games, you know where people actually got together in person and spoke to each other? Sometimes at home somebody plays an instrument and the family gets up and dances together. I guess the common equivalent is a family dancing to "Just Dance."
Please, let's all remember that the world keeps on turning, changing, and re-arranging. Our way now is not necessarily the best way that the world has ever known. It's different, that is for certain. Maybe, we could be patient across the generations. I may never know the thrill of sending a "Snapchat," to a friend. On the other hand, children may never know the joy of sitting outside on a balmy summer evening playing the guitar and singing. Both methods bring joy, just different types of joy, and who says different is bad?
I continued working with computers from the 1980's through 1997, including each and every new permutation of computer program that arrived.
I learned about where certain terms came from, like debugging, reboot, DOS prompt, and so forth, when they first were coined.
AND THEN? Life happened, and I did NOT use a computer for professional reasons until 2012. In fifteen years, a short span of time as related to things like dinosaurs, trees, or rocks, or sixty year old humans (notice similarity of the last to the first three items) EVERYTHING CHANGED!
That mainframe that took at least one very large room....now could be held in a teeny, tiny box in your hand. A darling little creation became available for listening to music, it was called a Nanopod. Then an even smaller version became available. It was roughly the size of a large postage stamp.
Our children grew up. Suddenly conversations became laced with terms like APPS, and Iphones, Ipads, Ipods, and other I types of creations! By I, I am not referring to me, myself, and I. No, I'm referring to each and every combination, and creation of Apple's latest brain trust. Let's not forget, Iwatches.
Our 20 something children developed a rather large, and real generational gap with their parents. Me, "How do I access the DOS prompt so that I can navigate between the programs?" Them? "HUH?"
Me, "Wait, do I use Safari for the worldwide web, or is Firefox a better choice?" Them? "Mom, you don't say Worldwide Web anymore. It's just called the Net." Me, "Don't you need to type in http://www?" "Oh no, that hasn't been used for a long time!" At the time, I believe that LONG time was in human time a year! Again, time is very relative.
I do not mean to indicate that I'm slow witted, or that our children are slow witted. Oh Heaven's, our children are anything but slow witted. My 5 year old great-niece can move about in and out of the computer world with the speed of light. (Wait, that phrasing hasn't changed, has it)?
When my Mom and Mother in law entered their late 70's, suddenly, they seemed to be unable to cope with "new technology," like, a CD player, surround sound, even cassettes seemed beyond their scope of use. My Mom lived to be 95. The last five years of her life she could not use a telephone because she could not remember to dial 9 in front of the phone number to get out of the facility where she lived.
Let me take us all on an "old school," stroll down memory lane. If any of you reading are below 40 years old, do NOT leave NOW...it's just about to get interesting. It is 1925. If you wish to listen to music, you wind up the victorola. It's sort of the size of a current large screen TV, only it's as wide as it is large. You have to wind an arm on the side to make the turntable move in a circle. You have a very large round thing (like a giant CD) that you put on the spinning wheel of the Victorola, and it plays a very, very poor sound quality recording of music. Some big hits like, "Beautiful Ohio," or the slightly naughty, "Ain't She Sweet."
You can go to a movie...but there is no sound onscreen. You have to read the captions to understand why somebody is tying that pretty young lady with Marcel waved hair on the railroad track. There is a piano in front of the screen playing something called, "Mood music." For a nickel you can watch several films in a row.
If you are young, you might use a phrase like, "Twenty-three skidoos," or "the Bee's Knees." There is no television, there is no radio, sometimes there is not even electricity. Which makes that old Victorola nice because it does not require anything but an arm to wind it up. Of course, when the winding arm winds down the song becomes slower, and s..l..o..w..e..r, and s...l...o...w...e...r and it sounds as though the performer is now a Bass, even if it's actually a woman singing high Soprano.
What do you do for fun? Well, you do NOT play video games. You play parlor games, you know where people actually got together in person and spoke to each other? Sometimes at home somebody plays an instrument and the family gets up and dances together. I guess the common equivalent is a family dancing to "Just Dance."
Please, let's all remember that the world keeps on turning, changing, and re-arranging. Our way now is not necessarily the best way that the world has ever known. It's different, that is for certain. Maybe, we could be patient across the generations. I may never know the thrill of sending a "Snapchat," to a friend. On the other hand, children may never know the joy of sitting outside on a balmy summer evening playing the guitar and singing. Both methods bring joy, just different types of joy, and who says different is bad?
Sunday, July 31, 2016
SIXTY IS THE NEW SIXTY?
When I turned 50 one of my friends sent me a t-shirt that said, "50 is the new 30!" I suppose that now that I am SIXTY, and proudly so, I should retire that t-shirt....NOPE! The point to me of that t-shirt is not about, oh phoeey, I'm 50! No, the point is that even as you move through life to different years...16, 21, 30...40, 50, 60, etc. etc. even if your body becomes old, it's essential not to let your spirit become old, dulled by the hardest parts of life!
I do NOT claim to always master this elusive art. Sometimes these days my spirit feels even older than sixty. The point is that on the days when I am able I keep my spirit young. I do my best to never say, "I'm too old, I can't learn new things." I NEVER want to say that!
A dear friend in her late 80's told me, "You're as old as the newest cell in your body, and your cells renew every 5 seconds." She was taking computer classes to better communicate with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She also was taking Spanish because she enjoyed the language.
My beloved Mama made over 80 quilts and sent them to Iraq in her 80's. My nephew was stationed there and he would hand them out to children on the streets, or soldiers having a tough time. She lived to be 95, and at that stage she could walk no longer, but she would sit in her wheelchair, put her feet down and move from place to place.
I love that image of her, she needed that wheelchair, her body was too worn out to support itself anymore. Yet still, she found ways to move herself where she wanted to go!
Esther, (can't remember her last name) went back to college in her 80's! Yes, that's right, a Freshman in college in her 80's. When people would question why she would do that she responded quickly, "Why not? My children are raised. My husband has passed. Education is something I can take with me when I die. Why wouldn't I want more of it, especially now!"
I have been so richly blessed with examples of women who continued living to the best of their ability until they died...and I believe that our spirits do NOT die. They just keep growing and progressing when we pass.
My favorite example of a man who did not let age, or the progression of cancer destroy his youthful spirit is my beloved Papa. Two weeks before he died, (he was bedfast at this point) a friend said, "Wendell, aren't you tired of fighting? You've lived such a wonderful life. Don't you just wish it was over?" My Papa, and I can hear him in my mind roused himself and sang, "I LOVE LIFE, AND I WANT TO LIVE!"
With all of these remarkable examples I wish to share one more. This one will make me a trifle tearful so it's a good thing I'm not writing this on paper. My beloved Nyle died when he was 54. In his very last days, when we knew that he was dying he was still making us laugh, still exhibiting the youthful spirit that was an integral part of him. Our daughters brought a notebook and pen with them to the hospital to record any last words or messages. The oldest said, "Papa, is there anything that you need or want to tell us?" His response was, "No, I don't have anything to say." Pause, pause..."Well write that down!"
I love life, and I want to live. I know that there will be many more hills to clamber over. I know that there will be dark days that threaten to eclipse my joy. Yet I will do my darndest to remember yet another elderly man that I met in the dark days of my breast cancer. He was dying, it was obvious just looking at him. He gave me the brightest grin and said, "Every day above ground is a cause for celebration." That line means a lot more when you're facing down the dark demon of cancer! Yet, in his brief words he helped me understand that life is about more than merely surviving. It's about THRIVING! It's essential to find joy in even the hardest days. (Feel free to remind me of that the next time I forget)!
I'm SIXTY! I do NOT wish to live like I'm dying. That is a foregone conclusion. In the wondrous words of my Nyle honey, "Live like you're living!"
I do NOT claim to always master this elusive art. Sometimes these days my spirit feels even older than sixty. The point is that on the days when I am able I keep my spirit young. I do my best to never say, "I'm too old, I can't learn new things." I NEVER want to say that!
A dear friend in her late 80's told me, "You're as old as the newest cell in your body, and your cells renew every 5 seconds." She was taking computer classes to better communicate with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She also was taking Spanish because she enjoyed the language.
My beloved Mama made over 80 quilts and sent them to Iraq in her 80's. My nephew was stationed there and he would hand them out to children on the streets, or soldiers having a tough time. She lived to be 95, and at that stage she could walk no longer, but she would sit in her wheelchair, put her feet down and move from place to place.
I love that image of her, she needed that wheelchair, her body was too worn out to support itself anymore. Yet still, she found ways to move herself where she wanted to go!
Esther, (can't remember her last name) went back to college in her 80's! Yes, that's right, a Freshman in college in her 80's. When people would question why she would do that she responded quickly, "Why not? My children are raised. My husband has passed. Education is something I can take with me when I die. Why wouldn't I want more of it, especially now!"
I have been so richly blessed with examples of women who continued living to the best of their ability until they died...and I believe that our spirits do NOT die. They just keep growing and progressing when we pass.
My favorite example of a man who did not let age, or the progression of cancer destroy his youthful spirit is my beloved Papa. Two weeks before he died, (he was bedfast at this point) a friend said, "Wendell, aren't you tired of fighting? You've lived such a wonderful life. Don't you just wish it was over?" My Papa, and I can hear him in my mind roused himself and sang, "I LOVE LIFE, AND I WANT TO LIVE!"
With all of these remarkable examples I wish to share one more. This one will make me a trifle tearful so it's a good thing I'm not writing this on paper. My beloved Nyle died when he was 54. In his very last days, when we knew that he was dying he was still making us laugh, still exhibiting the youthful spirit that was an integral part of him. Our daughters brought a notebook and pen with them to the hospital to record any last words or messages. The oldest said, "Papa, is there anything that you need or want to tell us?" His response was, "No, I don't have anything to say." Pause, pause..."Well write that down!"
I love life, and I want to live. I know that there will be many more hills to clamber over. I know that there will be dark days that threaten to eclipse my joy. Yet I will do my darndest to remember yet another elderly man that I met in the dark days of my breast cancer. He was dying, it was obvious just looking at him. He gave me the brightest grin and said, "Every day above ground is a cause for celebration." That line means a lot more when you're facing down the dark demon of cancer! Yet, in his brief words he helped me understand that life is about more than merely surviving. It's about THRIVING! It's essential to find joy in even the hardest days. (Feel free to remind me of that the next time I forget)!
I'm SIXTY! I do NOT wish to live like I'm dying. That is a foregone conclusion. In the wondrous words of my Nyle honey, "Live like you're living!"
Monday, July 25, 2016
Am I Old?
I had many times in my life that I was not certain that I'd live to be 21, and soon it will be SIXTY! I'm excited for the new experiences, and the opportunities that remain open in my life.
Last week I realized that something in my perception has changed since I was young. When I was young if I heard the words, "Something new is coming out..." My heart raced, and I was excited for a new opportunity to learn, to grow!
Now I fear that far too many times when I hear, "Something new is coming out..." I think, CRAP, something else to learn? Why can't the world just stay the same! This is a rather shallow observation in the realms of philosophy but true nonetheless.
I have heard throughout my life the phrase, "The world is wasted on the young." I disagree! I'm grateful for their sharp minds, and the fresh eyes through which they see this old world.
Now, as I enter into years that most would title OLD, I also know that living this long gives you unique ideas and perspective.
So the best yet, why can't we, young and old enrich each others perception of the world?
I like to watch "Just Dance." Nigel Lithgoe is no longer a young person by virtue of the years that he's lived, but his youth lies in the vivacious enjoyment he gains from inspiring others to dance. This year the program is spotlighting the dance talent of children from 8 to 13 years of age. The young ones are mentored by adult dancers, and it's marvelous to see what happens when those two ages are combined.
My Mother once said something to me about "Respecting my elders." I was annoyed by that generalized pronouncement. I responded, "I should not have to respect someone just because they're older than me. I can respect them, IF they've earned my respect."
WOW...looking back on that statement I'm amused at the hubris I presented. AND YET? I do NOT wish to be respected by ANYONE simply by virtue of the fact that I have managed to stay alive for sixty years. I want to be respected for having put life into the sixty years that I've lived!!!
In return I promise that I will not disrespect anyone JUST because they are younger than me. I will listen and realize that they have lots to teach me. I also will remember that there is still ever so much to learn. There is so much for ME to learn. I'm excited for this opportunity.
Last week I realized that something in my perception has changed since I was young. When I was young if I heard the words, "Something new is coming out..." My heart raced, and I was excited for a new opportunity to learn, to grow!
Now I fear that far too many times when I hear, "Something new is coming out..." I think, CRAP, something else to learn? Why can't the world just stay the same! This is a rather shallow observation in the realms of philosophy but true nonetheless.
I have heard throughout my life the phrase, "The world is wasted on the young." I disagree! I'm grateful for their sharp minds, and the fresh eyes through which they see this old world.
Now, as I enter into years that most would title OLD, I also know that living this long gives you unique ideas and perspective.
So the best yet, why can't we, young and old enrich each others perception of the world?
I like to watch "Just Dance." Nigel Lithgoe is no longer a young person by virtue of the years that he's lived, but his youth lies in the vivacious enjoyment he gains from inspiring others to dance. This year the program is spotlighting the dance talent of children from 8 to 13 years of age. The young ones are mentored by adult dancers, and it's marvelous to see what happens when those two ages are combined.
My Mother once said something to me about "Respecting my elders." I was annoyed by that generalized pronouncement. I responded, "I should not have to respect someone just because they're older than me. I can respect them, IF they've earned my respect."
WOW...looking back on that statement I'm amused at the hubris I presented. AND YET? I do NOT wish to be respected by ANYONE simply by virtue of the fact that I have managed to stay alive for sixty years. I want to be respected for having put life into the sixty years that I've lived!!!
In return I promise that I will not disrespect anyone JUST because they are younger than me. I will listen and realize that they have lots to teach me. I also will remember that there is still ever so much to learn. There is so much for ME to learn. I'm excited for this opportunity.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
On this Day we Celebrate Freedom
The 4th of July is celebrated in America as a day when freedom in this country truly began. This was freedom from the English governance. The English had put restrictions on America that proved to be unbearable. I personally believe that it also seemed foolish to the American colonists that England, ever so far in miles, was taking away all of the profit from America's labors.
The restrictions from England continued to mount. England truly was greedy and foolish in their handling of the young colony. These were people loyal to their homeland. If they had been restricted less, rewarded more, well who knows what might have happened?
Jail, penitentiary, restriction, guilt, limitations, exclusion, bullying, all these are words referring to a different type of lack of freedom. We all understand that certain behaviors can result in consequences beyond our ability to control. If we cause harm to others, chances are that we will be caught, tried, and put in jail.
What about having your freedom removed when you have done nothing wrong? Elie Wiesel was a Jewish prisoner in a Concentration Camp during World War II. He has written about the realization that came to him one miserable day. Inspiration taught him that although his German captors could inflict all sorts of horrors on his physical body, he still owned his soul. He was able to make active choices to act, not react. He decided that he would not let the squalor of the camp, or the cruelty of the guards decide who he would be.
Corrie ten Boom was a Christian. She, her elderly Father, and her Sister were hiding some of their Jewish neighbors when someone told the Gestapo about them. Corrie and Betsy never saw their Father again, and Betsy also died in a Concentration Camp. Corrie was released through a miraculous mistake in paper work. She later discovered that she had been scheduled for execution.
After the war she traveled the country speaking about forgiveness, and healing. One night after teaching a class a man came to her and said, "Your speech was very moving to me. Thank you so much. May I shake your hand?"
Corrie looked up and realized that she was in front of one of the cruelest Concentration Camp guards that she and Betsy had faced. She realized that he did not recognize her. She had nice clothes on, and was about twenty pounds healthier.
Her speech had been about forgiveness. How could she forgive this man who had been especially cruel to her frail Sister, Betsy? Several times she attempted to pull her arm up to shake hands with him. Her arm would not move.
In her mind she prayed, she asked that she might feel God's love for this man because her mortal love was not strong enough to forgive him. She describes feeling a warmth that flowed from her shoulder to her hand. It propelled her arm upwards until she shook his hand. At that moment she also saw God's love for this man. She realized that in a way he had been a prisoner just as she was. He was imprisoned by a horrendous war that brutalized soldiers into doing things they would never have done in peace times.
What prison are you in this morning? Does your appetite imprison you in a body that is overweight and unhealthy? That is also one of my prisons. Maybe you endured some version of trauma in your tender childhood that has left you with eating issues. When I was nineteen and in fabulous shape as a dancer I was cruel in my mind towards others with weight issues. I could eat anything that I wanted and never gained a pound. I thought, "Why don't they just exercise and eat better?"
AND THEN...along came multiple car accidents that left me with severe chronic pain. I have bone, muscle, and nerve pain. My back has too many issues to try and repair it. The issues are not severe enough to put me in a wheelchair, yet...but someday?
I gained ninety pound over five years time. I still had the voracious appetite but I was either in a recliner or my bed. Walking was very painful, and sometimes I would drag one leg. I developed severe central nerve damage. My feet quit knowing the difference in floor or ground levels. I would walk from a wood floor to a carpet, and I would fall because my foot did not automatically shift for the different level. Several falls made the back, knee, and wrist pain and damage worse.
I repent daily for the foolishness of my judgment towards heavy people in my youth. Now that I have joined the ranks I understand that when somebody is living with constant pain, often the only pleasure that they feel is food! I wish that when my pain was terrible that I craved broccoli. Not really, not so much...nope, bring on the sugar and wrap it in something chocolate!
Even if I eat next to nothing my body still doesn't want to lose weight. I'm in constant fight or flight mode and my body tries to hoard weight to protect me from starvation...except that I'm NOT starving.
When I married I carried with me the foolish idea that it was my husband's duty to make me happy. How is this a prison? My moods went up and down like a roller coaster depending on my husband's moods. I was trapped, unable to develop and maintain my own emotional stability.
My poor husband was trapped trying to keep me happy. I'm certain that he was often exhausted from the effort. I do know that he was grateful when I finally matured enough to realize that I, ME, MY, was responsible for my own happiness, nobody else. I also learned that you CAN be happy even when somebody that you love is unhappy. Oh you feel empathetic towards their pain, but letting it pull you down doesn't help them, and it certainly doesn't help you.
One of the most important things you can do in life is to objectively try and determine if you
if you are in prison. Sometimes it's necessary to have a therapist help you. There is no shame in getting help to improve your life. I believe that everyone could benefit from education and therapy.
To end this post I wish to share a little story. My husband criticized me one day for something that he had observed. I did NOT accept his version of the experience. I immediately became very angry. I walked to the kitchen. I began slamming the cupboard doors as I prepared dinner. I stomped, and fussed, and fumed as though I was five years old instead of thirty-five years old.
In my mind I thought, "If you continue this behavior you will make your entire family miserable!" I responded in my mind, "He makes me SOOOOO angry!" A thought returned, "Nobody can force an emotion on you without your permission." "Wait, back up, what he said MADE me angry!" "I understand that his words were hurtful. On the other hand, nobody can force an emotion on you. You always have the freedom to choose NOT TO BE HURT OR ANGRY!"
WOW! I was dumbfounded at this idea. I walked back to our bedroom and said to my husband, "What you said really hurt my feelings. On the other hand, I choose not to let it ruin my day or make me angry."
My husband had a look of wonder on his face that I will never forget. He said, "Good for you!" There was no sarcasm implied in his words. He was genuinely happy that I had begun the journey of determining my own happiness.
Today, this very day, choose to be the owner of your own emotions. Do not let the actions of anyone else imprison you in negative emotion. To sum all of this up I remember a very wise saying from my childhood, "I'm rubber, you're glue. Anything you say bounces off me, and sticks on you!"
The restrictions from England continued to mount. England truly was greedy and foolish in their handling of the young colony. These were people loyal to their homeland. If they had been restricted less, rewarded more, well who knows what might have happened?
Jail, penitentiary, restriction, guilt, limitations, exclusion, bullying, all these are words referring to a different type of lack of freedom. We all understand that certain behaviors can result in consequences beyond our ability to control. If we cause harm to others, chances are that we will be caught, tried, and put in jail.
What about having your freedom removed when you have done nothing wrong? Elie Wiesel was a Jewish prisoner in a Concentration Camp during World War II. He has written about the realization that came to him one miserable day. Inspiration taught him that although his German captors could inflict all sorts of horrors on his physical body, he still owned his soul. He was able to make active choices to act, not react. He decided that he would not let the squalor of the camp, or the cruelty of the guards decide who he would be.
Corrie ten Boom was a Christian. She, her elderly Father, and her Sister were hiding some of their Jewish neighbors when someone told the Gestapo about them. Corrie and Betsy never saw their Father again, and Betsy also died in a Concentration Camp. Corrie was released through a miraculous mistake in paper work. She later discovered that she had been scheduled for execution.
After the war she traveled the country speaking about forgiveness, and healing. One night after teaching a class a man came to her and said, "Your speech was very moving to me. Thank you so much. May I shake your hand?"
Corrie looked up and realized that she was in front of one of the cruelest Concentration Camp guards that she and Betsy had faced. She realized that he did not recognize her. She had nice clothes on, and was about twenty pounds healthier.
Her speech had been about forgiveness. How could she forgive this man who had been especially cruel to her frail Sister, Betsy? Several times she attempted to pull her arm up to shake hands with him. Her arm would not move.
In her mind she prayed, she asked that she might feel God's love for this man because her mortal love was not strong enough to forgive him. She describes feeling a warmth that flowed from her shoulder to her hand. It propelled her arm upwards until she shook his hand. At that moment she also saw God's love for this man. She realized that in a way he had been a prisoner just as she was. He was imprisoned by a horrendous war that brutalized soldiers into doing things they would never have done in peace times.
What prison are you in this morning? Does your appetite imprison you in a body that is overweight and unhealthy? That is also one of my prisons. Maybe you endured some version of trauma in your tender childhood that has left you with eating issues. When I was nineteen and in fabulous shape as a dancer I was cruel in my mind towards others with weight issues. I could eat anything that I wanted and never gained a pound. I thought, "Why don't they just exercise and eat better?"
AND THEN...along came multiple car accidents that left me with severe chronic pain. I have bone, muscle, and nerve pain. My back has too many issues to try and repair it. The issues are not severe enough to put me in a wheelchair, yet...but someday?
I gained ninety pound over five years time. I still had the voracious appetite but I was either in a recliner or my bed. Walking was very painful, and sometimes I would drag one leg. I developed severe central nerve damage. My feet quit knowing the difference in floor or ground levels. I would walk from a wood floor to a carpet, and I would fall because my foot did not automatically shift for the different level. Several falls made the back, knee, and wrist pain and damage worse.
I repent daily for the foolishness of my judgment towards heavy people in my youth. Now that I have joined the ranks I understand that when somebody is living with constant pain, often the only pleasure that they feel is food! I wish that when my pain was terrible that I craved broccoli. Not really, not so much...nope, bring on the sugar and wrap it in something chocolate!
Even if I eat next to nothing my body still doesn't want to lose weight. I'm in constant fight or flight mode and my body tries to hoard weight to protect me from starvation...except that I'm NOT starving.
When I married I carried with me the foolish idea that it was my husband's duty to make me happy. How is this a prison? My moods went up and down like a roller coaster depending on my husband's moods. I was trapped, unable to develop and maintain my own emotional stability.
My poor husband was trapped trying to keep me happy. I'm certain that he was often exhausted from the effort. I do know that he was grateful when I finally matured enough to realize that I, ME, MY, was responsible for my own happiness, nobody else. I also learned that you CAN be happy even when somebody that you love is unhappy. Oh you feel empathetic towards their pain, but letting it pull you down doesn't help them, and it certainly doesn't help you.
One of the most important things you can do in life is to objectively try and determine if you
if you are in prison. Sometimes it's necessary to have a therapist help you. There is no shame in getting help to improve your life. I believe that everyone could benefit from education and therapy.
To end this post I wish to share a little story. My husband criticized me one day for something that he had observed. I did NOT accept his version of the experience. I immediately became very angry. I walked to the kitchen. I began slamming the cupboard doors as I prepared dinner. I stomped, and fussed, and fumed as though I was five years old instead of thirty-five years old.
In my mind I thought, "If you continue this behavior you will make your entire family miserable!" I responded in my mind, "He makes me SOOOOO angry!" A thought returned, "Nobody can force an emotion on you without your permission." "Wait, back up, what he said MADE me angry!" "I understand that his words were hurtful. On the other hand, nobody can force an emotion on you. You always have the freedom to choose NOT TO BE HURT OR ANGRY!"
WOW! I was dumbfounded at this idea. I walked back to our bedroom and said to my husband, "What you said really hurt my feelings. On the other hand, I choose not to let it ruin my day or make me angry."
My husband had a look of wonder on his face that I will never forget. He said, "Good for you!" There was no sarcasm implied in his words. He was genuinely happy that I had begun the journey of determining my own happiness.
Today, this very day, choose to be the owner of your own emotions. Do not let the actions of anyone else imprison you in negative emotion. To sum all of this up I remember a very wise saying from my childhood, "I'm rubber, you're glue. Anything you say bounces off me, and sticks on you!"
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