Substitution has oh so many meanings. When someone on a sports team is injured or just plain worn out the coach yells, "Substitution for," and then names the player he is pulling out. This allows the team to continue to play at their best.
When making a recipe sometimes there may be reasons that you need to substitute a different ingredient. For example, if the recipe calls for white onions or purple onions it is necessary for me to substitute yellow onions. Yellow is a sweeter onion and is not as powerful as the other onions. I have digestive issues that make eating any onion other than yellow painful for hours afterwards.
I love to make fruit crisps. Sometimes I make apple, in season I love to make peach, and berry crisps are berry berry yummy! I published my recipe which I've developed over the last 30 years of my life. It is quite a simple recipe. If you are interested you can find it at driftinganchorranch.blogspot.com
On Monday I found that I did not have time to go to the store to purchase two missing ingredients, vanilla and butter to make my fruit crisp. I had butter but not nearly enough. I was "presenting" at a group that night. So, I left out the vanilla, and put the not quite enough butter in. The fruit crisp was ok...but not as delicious as usual. I still used lemon juice in the apples to keep them from browning too fast and give it a nudge of a tart taste. The problem was that without the vanilla to balance that tart taste the crisp was on the edge of sour....not a taste that is positive in the realm of fruit desserts. To make things worse I put less sugar in than the recipe calls for. It makes the recipe slightly healthier but again accentuated the tart taste.
What things in life cause us to make substitutions? Substitutions that sometimes turn out better than the original, but often are just a bit too sour? I would LOVE to hear comments from anyone about things that they have substituted that have been great, or things that have not turned out very well, (like my fruit crisp).
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass....it's about learning to dance in the rain!
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Is Life Ganging Up On You?
I have honed and polished terrific coping skills in my life. As a matter of fact I have said jokingly many times that when I die if I am sent to Hell, at least I'll have good coping skills in place.
What skill set do you use when things in life are overwhelming, and you have a headache but it's your turn to bring treats to little Suzy for school, and you rush to the store, buy the treats because you just can't possibly cook them today, rush back to your car and it won't start...or even worse, you've locked your keys in the car and there is nobody that you can call to get the spare set because your husband is traveling for work and is out of town, or even worse still, you have your little doggy in the car, you can't get to the keys and the day is marginally a bit too warm for a dog to be left in a car for longer than five minutes, did I mention that you had to rush to the bushes to throw up because your headache has now turned into a full blown migraine?
Next scenario, one of your family members has an emergency, so you run out to your car so that you can drive to help, only to find out that you have a flat tire, so you call your neighbor to take you to your family member's rescue, and they are having a worse day than you (hard to believe but it's true), so you call a friend and they don't answer the phone, so finally you manage to change the tire, but then the baby messes their diaper, and your family member calls frantic to know where you are and why you aren't there with them, NOW?
Lest anyone scoff and say, "That doesn't all happen together," (In which case may I have YOUR life, because quite honestly my life has had all those scenarios and more on the same time over and over and over again) I beg to differ. Not only has this been my experience in life but I have seen it happen over the span of life to many other people.
Some people think that somehow you can wrest control out of life's sometimes chaotic rhythm. Bully to you if you do!! Three cheers and many hoorays!
For most of the humanoid species it is positively, absolutely, one hundred percent impossible to plan for any and all eventualities that may happen in life. Does that mean that I'm saying, "Give up.....become very, very self-pitying." No, that is NOT what I'm saying.
I wish to discuss a couple of techniques that I have learned through the years that have gotten me through many a sticky wicket. I just love that oh so English phrase, "Sticky wicket." Anybody out there that knows what it means? It just sounds ever so deliciously threatening, and well, um, sticky.
1. HUMOR...this is the best, Best, BEST, of all techniques in coping with the uncontrollable events of life. I don't recommend that you go around all day in public places with an idiotic grin on your face laughing hysterically to yourself. The general populace would find this behavior extremely problematic. You may find yourself invited to a comfy place on a therapist's couch. (No doubt a good place to be if you ARE walking around laughing hysterically and telling yourself jokes out loud.) Watch funny movies, comedy shows, sing silly songs (to yourself please) I've heard one too many people singing silly songs to themselves on the bus and it has much the same effect as laughing out loud and talking to yourself!
When my dear Mama was in her late 70s she developed a habit that I highly recommend. If she were feeling blue she would simply slip on a fake nose with moustache and glasses. She wouldn't say anything to anyone but you would walk past her room and there she would be casually watching television englassed, and nosed. (Who knew that in my world nose could be a verb? "Nosed?) She did this when she was the passenger of my car once. I glanced over and there she was with those on. I almost wrecked the car! We did enjoy a grand laugh at the reactions of others when they saw my dignified, lovely Mama with her silver white hair, with a fake nose on.
2. EXERCISE....a friend once told me of her adult struggle with weight. She disliked being overweight. She thought about the younger years of her life when weight was no issue. She could eat anything and not worry a bit about gaining weight. So she began to exercise. Not only did the weight not come off but she was bored and ready to quit quickly. So she began to remember the activities that she loved as a child. Jumping on a trampoline, as an adult she developed a wonderful exercise program that you can do on a mini-trampoline that gives her the same rush as it did when she was young. She LOVES the water, so she became a water aerobics instructor, and then re-designed the class to include elements of Pilates and Cardio workout. She lost 60 pounds, and then discovered hiking, rock climbing, weight lifting....she went from couch potato to hot potato. The results are very sustainable for her because she LOVES doing them.
3. MEDITATION/PRAYER...Even if you do not believe in God, or call him by another name than Jesus, spiritual connection has been proven multiple times to relieve stress and renew your spirit. I have a meditation basket that I use to direct my thoughts. I have a pretty significant case of ADD or ADHD (I'm just generally mentally scattered and need the visual to hold my mind on course) Sometimes I add the benefit of a journal to that basket. I write the thoughts that come to me as I review the items in my basket. The items include these things, something tiny that represents the four most important inspirations in my life, My Mama, My "other" Mama (some may have a mother-in law, I had another Mother), my Papa, and my beloved husband. I have a seashell, and a rock (ocean and mountains are places that I love to be), and other things that have significance in reminding myself of who I am and who I wish to be. Sometimes I direct my thoughts to a higher being. My prayers are not memorized, but it's OK to use memorized prayer, there are no absolutes in this skill....it's a matter of finding something that strengthens you and using it.
Well I have achieved my purpose in writing this blog. My purpose was quite selfish. I had a rough day today (they come to us all) and needed to remind myself of some productive ways to get through. I hope that someone that needed this lift will read this post and smile. I will end this post with the wise words of my deceased darling Nyle, "Oh buck up!"
What skill set do you use when things in life are overwhelming, and you have a headache but it's your turn to bring treats to little Suzy for school, and you rush to the store, buy the treats because you just can't possibly cook them today, rush back to your car and it won't start...or even worse, you've locked your keys in the car and there is nobody that you can call to get the spare set because your husband is traveling for work and is out of town, or even worse still, you have your little doggy in the car, you can't get to the keys and the day is marginally a bit too warm for a dog to be left in a car for longer than five minutes, did I mention that you had to rush to the bushes to throw up because your headache has now turned into a full blown migraine?
Next scenario, one of your family members has an emergency, so you run out to your car so that you can drive to help, only to find out that you have a flat tire, so you call your neighbor to take you to your family member's rescue, and they are having a worse day than you (hard to believe but it's true), so you call a friend and they don't answer the phone, so finally you manage to change the tire, but then the baby messes their diaper, and your family member calls frantic to know where you are and why you aren't there with them, NOW?
Lest anyone scoff and say, "That doesn't all happen together," (In which case may I have YOUR life, because quite honestly my life has had all those scenarios and more on the same time over and over and over again) I beg to differ. Not only has this been my experience in life but I have seen it happen over the span of life to many other people.
Some people think that somehow you can wrest control out of life's sometimes chaotic rhythm. Bully to you if you do!! Three cheers and many hoorays!
For most of the humanoid species it is positively, absolutely, one hundred percent impossible to plan for any and all eventualities that may happen in life. Does that mean that I'm saying, "Give up.....become very, very self-pitying." No, that is NOT what I'm saying.
I wish to discuss a couple of techniques that I have learned through the years that have gotten me through many a sticky wicket. I just love that oh so English phrase, "Sticky wicket." Anybody out there that knows what it means? It just sounds ever so deliciously threatening, and well, um, sticky.
1. HUMOR...this is the best, Best, BEST, of all techniques in coping with the uncontrollable events of life. I don't recommend that you go around all day in public places with an idiotic grin on your face laughing hysterically to yourself. The general populace would find this behavior extremely problematic. You may find yourself invited to a comfy place on a therapist's couch. (No doubt a good place to be if you ARE walking around laughing hysterically and telling yourself jokes out loud.) Watch funny movies, comedy shows, sing silly songs (to yourself please) I've heard one too many people singing silly songs to themselves on the bus and it has much the same effect as laughing out loud and talking to yourself!
When my dear Mama was in her late 70s she developed a habit that I highly recommend. If she were feeling blue she would simply slip on a fake nose with moustache and glasses. She wouldn't say anything to anyone but you would walk past her room and there she would be casually watching television englassed, and nosed. (Who knew that in my world nose could be a verb? "Nosed?) She did this when she was the passenger of my car once. I glanced over and there she was with those on. I almost wrecked the car! We did enjoy a grand laugh at the reactions of others when they saw my dignified, lovely Mama with her silver white hair, with a fake nose on.
2. EXERCISE....a friend once told me of her adult struggle with weight. She disliked being overweight. She thought about the younger years of her life when weight was no issue. She could eat anything and not worry a bit about gaining weight. So she began to exercise. Not only did the weight not come off but she was bored and ready to quit quickly. So she began to remember the activities that she loved as a child. Jumping on a trampoline, as an adult she developed a wonderful exercise program that you can do on a mini-trampoline that gives her the same rush as it did when she was young. She LOVES the water, so she became a water aerobics instructor, and then re-designed the class to include elements of Pilates and Cardio workout. She lost 60 pounds, and then discovered hiking, rock climbing, weight lifting....she went from couch potato to hot potato. The results are very sustainable for her because she LOVES doing them.
3. MEDITATION/PRAYER...Even if you do not believe in God, or call him by another name than Jesus, spiritual connection has been proven multiple times to relieve stress and renew your spirit. I have a meditation basket that I use to direct my thoughts. I have a pretty significant case of ADD or ADHD (I'm just generally mentally scattered and need the visual to hold my mind on course) Sometimes I add the benefit of a journal to that basket. I write the thoughts that come to me as I review the items in my basket. The items include these things, something tiny that represents the four most important inspirations in my life, My Mama, My "other" Mama (some may have a mother-in law, I had another Mother), my Papa, and my beloved husband. I have a seashell, and a rock (ocean and mountains are places that I love to be), and other things that have significance in reminding myself of who I am and who I wish to be. Sometimes I direct my thoughts to a higher being. My prayers are not memorized, but it's OK to use memorized prayer, there are no absolutes in this skill....it's a matter of finding something that strengthens you and using it.
Well I have achieved my purpose in writing this blog. My purpose was quite selfish. I had a rough day today (they come to us all) and needed to remind myself of some productive ways to get through. I hope that someone that needed this lift will read this post and smile. I will end this post with the wise words of my deceased darling Nyle, "Oh buck up!"
Monday, May 13, 2013
Round Peg in a Square Hole?
I think that life gives most of us, if not all of us a turn or two at feeling like we're different, and not in a happy sort of way. The expression that we often hear is "Feeling like a round peg in a square hole." Now you must admit that doesn't sound very comfortable. You could roll from side to side but never feel the comfort of a safe snug fit.
What makes you feel different or left out? Do you have lots of health problems? Do have you lots of financial woes, possibly because you have lots of health problems? Do you perceive things differently than your peers? I believe Albert Einstein struggled with that challenge for most of his life.
After Kindergarten in California we moved to Utah. I HATED Utah. It got cold, there was no beach, and I didn't have a single friend in first grade. Then to make things worse I got sick, sicker, and sickest. I spent six months of that first school year sick, and in and out of the hospital. I had red measles, three day measles, and German measles. (If I were German I would be annoyed to think that they had named such a miserable illness after my nationality). I had mumps on one side and then the other. With each illness my asthma made the condition much worse. So I was also in and out of the hospital many times for oxygen.
Can you imagine facing death frequently caused me to be a little different than the other children? It was common for me to awaken in the middle of the night gasping for air. There was nothing that could be done...no pills, no inhalants. When my asthma was at its worst off I would go to the hospital for oxygen.
Today we think of asthma rather casually. After all there are ever so many treatments available now for the condition.
Why do I choose to remember something that could be so unpleasant? I learned much about empathy, tolerance, and unconditional love during those trying times. I understand very well what it feels like to be different, strange, not like everybody else.
Now I'm a 56 year old widow. When I go to activities in my church the other widows are usually in their late 60's or older. Once again I am in a position that could be (and usually is) very negative. I miss my darling so very, very much!
Yet it was my darling that taught me how to face this situation. If he could speak to me now I know that he would say, "Happy Not Crappy CJ." What that means in our family is that the circumstances of life do not determine our happiness...we determine our happiness. In addition he would add, "Please do not remember me with tears and sorrow. Remember me in all things joyful and enriching."
How about you? Do you ever feel different, and not in a positive way? Remember we all feel different, or odd at some point in our lives. One trick that helps me is to focus on others. If I think about them I'm not feeling sorry for myself, or focusing on my "oddness." If you have any ideas or things that have helped you I would love to hear about them.
What makes you feel different or left out? Do you have lots of health problems? Do have you lots of financial woes, possibly because you have lots of health problems? Do you perceive things differently than your peers? I believe Albert Einstein struggled with that challenge for most of his life.
After Kindergarten in California we moved to Utah. I HATED Utah. It got cold, there was no beach, and I didn't have a single friend in first grade. Then to make things worse I got sick, sicker, and sickest. I spent six months of that first school year sick, and in and out of the hospital. I had red measles, three day measles, and German measles. (If I were German I would be annoyed to think that they had named such a miserable illness after my nationality). I had mumps on one side and then the other. With each illness my asthma made the condition much worse. So I was also in and out of the hospital many times for oxygen.
Can you imagine facing death frequently caused me to be a little different than the other children? It was common for me to awaken in the middle of the night gasping for air. There was nothing that could be done...no pills, no inhalants. When my asthma was at its worst off I would go to the hospital for oxygen.
Today we think of asthma rather casually. After all there are ever so many treatments available now for the condition.
Why do I choose to remember something that could be so unpleasant? I learned much about empathy, tolerance, and unconditional love during those trying times. I understand very well what it feels like to be different, strange, not like everybody else.
Now I'm a 56 year old widow. When I go to activities in my church the other widows are usually in their late 60's or older. Once again I am in a position that could be (and usually is) very negative. I miss my darling so very, very much!
Yet it was my darling that taught me how to face this situation. If he could speak to me now I know that he would say, "Happy Not Crappy CJ." What that means in our family is that the circumstances of life do not determine our happiness...we determine our happiness. In addition he would add, "Please do not remember me with tears and sorrow. Remember me in all things joyful and enriching."
How about you? Do you ever feel different, and not in a positive way? Remember we all feel different, or odd at some point in our lives. One trick that helps me is to focus on others. If I think about them I'm not feeling sorry for myself, or focusing on my "oddness." If you have any ideas or things that have helped you I would love to hear about them.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
"You've Got to Shine Your Star"
One of my favorite songs of all time is from my youth. "You've Gotta Shine Your Star." The song was performed by "Earth, Wind, and Fire." These words are not only earth's elements but an amazing performance group that enlivened and lightened my life.
This song says, "You've gotta shine your star, no matter who you are, shine it bright to see, what you can truly be." I used to have the egotistical attitude that I was the only human on the planet that suffered so much. I was the only human that felt marginalized and victimized by life.
I have grown up quite a bit in the months since my husband's passing. I have come to realize that my negative feelings are quite frankly human. EVERYONE feels inferior, and/or marginalized at some point in life. The amazing thing is that a great deal of those people push past...find a way over, or under their insecurities to accomplish wonderful things.
"Stay at home Mom's" are a case in point. In our society there has been a dramatic shift in focus since my youth. In my childhood most Mom's were "Stay at home Mom's." Now women who make the conscious and difficult choice to stay at home and raise their children are often considered less than.
These are the creator's of the next generations of our society. These children will grow up to negotiate peace, run our country AND, raise the next generation of children to take their place.
Brigham Young, a former governor of Utah once said, "If you educate a man you educate one. If you educate a woman you educate the nation."
Back to the general populus and how we "Shine our Star." The next time you feel invisible, unimportant, or worse a burden to society,, "Shine Your Star." Each and every human on the planet has the capacity to shine like a brilliant star (and we're not burned out pieces of metal reflecting the light from another planet!)
How can you shine your star? Tutor a child, mentor a child, raise a child, visit the elderly, listen to them and learn from them. Make things for a homeless shelter. They always need warm, clean clothes, hygiene items, and in the winter in Utah, warm clothing. Volunteer in any of these capacities and you will be amazed to learn that you simply can NOT shine your star without finding your light reflected and increased.
What if you are disabled and stuck in bed for long periods of time? I read a story about a woman with such severe multiple sclerosis that she could no longer do one thing for herself. The things that we think create independence, bathing, toileting, walking, all of these were denied to her. So she shined her star by becoming a "Prayer Warrior." Each day her caregiver would list people by name, and need, then this "Prayer Warrior" would spend a great portion of the day praying for them.
I was deeply touched as I read her story. I have had long periods of forced inactivity in my life. I used to think of them as "bad days." No more.....now I see them as an opportunity to do "quiet" activities. Pray, meditate, read, write, connect with those you love by social media or phone, watch educational TV, (or Bones if you are a murder mystery junkie such as myself).
So I end as I begin, "You've gotta shine that star, no matter who you are, shine it bright to see what you can truly be." Thanks Earth Wind and Fire for performing a song that has blessed my life. A huge thanks to the person that wrote that inspiring, move and groove song!
`
This song says, "You've gotta shine your star, no matter who you are, shine it bright to see, what you can truly be." I used to have the egotistical attitude that I was the only human on the planet that suffered so much. I was the only human that felt marginalized and victimized by life.
I have grown up quite a bit in the months since my husband's passing. I have come to realize that my negative feelings are quite frankly human. EVERYONE feels inferior, and/or marginalized at some point in life. The amazing thing is that a great deal of those people push past...find a way over, or under their insecurities to accomplish wonderful things.
"Stay at home Mom's" are a case in point. In our society there has been a dramatic shift in focus since my youth. In my childhood most Mom's were "Stay at home Mom's." Now women who make the conscious and difficult choice to stay at home and raise their children are often considered less than.
These are the creator's of the next generations of our society. These children will grow up to negotiate peace, run our country AND, raise the next generation of children to take their place.
Brigham Young, a former governor of Utah once said, "If you educate a man you educate one. If you educate a woman you educate the nation."
Back to the general populus and how we "Shine our Star." The next time you feel invisible, unimportant, or worse a burden to society,, "Shine Your Star." Each and every human on the planet has the capacity to shine like a brilliant star (and we're not burned out pieces of metal reflecting the light from another planet!)
How can you shine your star? Tutor a child, mentor a child, raise a child, visit the elderly, listen to them and learn from them. Make things for a homeless shelter. They always need warm, clean clothes, hygiene items, and in the winter in Utah, warm clothing. Volunteer in any of these capacities and you will be amazed to learn that you simply can NOT shine your star without finding your light reflected and increased.
What if you are disabled and stuck in bed for long periods of time? I read a story about a woman with such severe multiple sclerosis that she could no longer do one thing for herself. The things that we think create independence, bathing, toileting, walking, all of these were denied to her. So she shined her star by becoming a "Prayer Warrior." Each day her caregiver would list people by name, and need, then this "Prayer Warrior" would spend a great portion of the day praying for them.
I was deeply touched as I read her story. I have had long periods of forced inactivity in my life. I used to think of them as "bad days." No more.....now I see them as an opportunity to do "quiet" activities. Pray, meditate, read, write, connect with those you love by social media or phone, watch educational TV, (or Bones if you are a murder mystery junkie such as myself).
So I end as I begin, "You've gotta shine that star, no matter who you are, shine it bright to see what you can truly be." Thanks Earth Wind and Fire for performing a song that has blessed my life. A huge thanks to the person that wrote that inspiring, move and groove song!
`
Friday, May 3, 2013
Thrive Not Survive
Thrive Not Survive. Three small English words. What do they mean to you? I would love to hear from people with their description of what these three words mean.
Since I do not yet have access to your experiences I wish to share the ones that I am most familiar with; mine.
In 1991 My beloved Papa died of a nasty virulent form of cancer. A few months later my husband almost died from a hideous infection after surgery. Then in the fall, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and the day before Christmas Eve I learned that I had Breast Cancer.
Is there ANYTHING blessed, positive or affirming in these experiences? I read voraciously everything I could get my hands on about surviving the hardest challenges that life can hand you. I wasn't discouraged....I was way beyond discouragement. I was lying in bed shaking from fright worst than that.
One blessing (though it did NOT seem like a blessing at the time) was that I simply did not have time to lie down in bed and bawl like a baby. I did not have time to follow my heart and curl into fetal position in my bed and quit life. I had two children, and a big, "husky" (his description of himself) husband. I had a full time job (more like a time and a half job) Nyle was attending Law School full-time and working part-time (Even with that nasty life threatening infection). Did I mention that we had two, brilliant, beautiful, daughters 2 and 1/2 years and 5 years old? YUP, the blessing was that I simply did NOT have time to give up, or curl up, I instead had to keep moving, keep moving, keep moving.
Why was that a blessing? Because I am prone to "over" think each and every situation in life. I didn't have time to think very much. I just had every single minute of every day filled to capacity with the needs of life.
The unfortunate thing that I have discovered as I walk along through life is that the fears and fires of life refuse to be ignored permanently. If you can not or will not address them in the daytime they will bite you in the bottom HARD in the night.
There is a popular song right now that chants, "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger." I think they should add a simple word..."What Doesn't Kill You CAN Make You Stronger." The reality is that it can also turn you into a pile of burned out ashes.
At this point are any of you questioning, "Where is the THRIVE part in all of this?" Be patient I promise, it's coming.
I had stage I breast Cancer. It was found in two diverse locations in my left breast. So research and asking doctors advice, and lots and lots of prayer later, I determined to have two lumpectomies, and 25 radiation treatments. (I simply can not call it RADIATION THERAPY. It helped save my life but it's far from THERAPEUTIC).
If you are wondering why everything is now in Italics it's because my smarter than me computer randomly switched and I can't figure out how to switch back. I can give you bold or underline text, but normal seems to be beyond my abilities.
Back to the story. One day as I was slogging back from radiation I was so discouraged I could barely breathe. In addition I was miserable! If anyone tells you that radiation is no big deal THEY ARE LYING! It was an enormous deal especially with Fibromyalgia that overreacts to every physical causation.
I was in the Waiting Room, waiting to chat with the good doctor. There was the most frail old man you can imagine. It was obvious that he was terminal. I was amazed that he still could speak coherently or think his body was so obviously ravaged by the disease. He had an enormous grin on his face. I found that reaction counterintuitive given our common situation.
He said cheerfuly to grim faced me, "You know every day above ground is a cause for celebration." Now if someone out on the street that was healthy, and was not facing every difficulty life could hand them had said that I would have been tempted to smack them (I'm generally non-violent but that situation would have stretched my non-violent limits!)
Coming from this man the words had impact and value.
Those simple words triggered a huge change in my outlook on life. I had been clinging to living with the barest of fingernail tips...starting to drop off the "Hang in there," mindset.
Was it actually possible to "Celebrate every day above ground," even when those days were fraught with the worst of life's uncertainty? Would it make me delusional to still hear the joy of a bird's call in the morning? Was it right to feel radiant happiness after a nap to discover my precious daughters had tucked themselves in around me, framing me like a family photo?
One of the radiation technicians loaned me a book. The name and author is long gone to history. One of the points made in that book is embedded in my soul. It spoke of our tendency in life to go up and down as life's circumstances arrive. The point of this book was that it is up to us to determine that we will be happy, even joyous NO MATTER WHAT LIFE HANDS US! The idea was revolutionary to me. I could be happy by choice? I did not have to let the uncertainties and fear of my current life setting paralyze me with fear? I could learn to "Thrive" instead of merely clinging to life "Surviving?"
As the years have come and gone with trouble AND joy I have been ever so grateful for those incredibly difficult lessons learned. In case anyone doesn't understand I am NOT saying that THRIVING instead of SURVIVING is EASY! It's actually quite difficult. It's not a denial of difficulties. It's honestly assessing those difficulties and choosing to squeeze happiness out of them. It's a conscious choice, and often over and over, and over again the choice must be made.
The song, "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger," is correct if that one word is added, "What Doesn't Kill You CAN Make You Stronger." Remember it's a choice...your choice to find joy even when it's hidden deeply amidst the hardest circumstances that life can hand you.
Since I do not yet have access to your experiences I wish to share the ones that I am most familiar with; mine.
In 1991 My beloved Papa died of a nasty virulent form of cancer. A few months later my husband almost died from a hideous infection after surgery. Then in the fall, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and the day before Christmas Eve I learned that I had Breast Cancer.
Is there ANYTHING blessed, positive or affirming in these experiences? I read voraciously everything I could get my hands on about surviving the hardest challenges that life can hand you. I wasn't discouraged....I was way beyond discouragement. I was lying in bed shaking from fright worst than that.
One blessing (though it did NOT seem like a blessing at the time) was that I simply did not have time to lie down in bed and bawl like a baby. I did not have time to follow my heart and curl into fetal position in my bed and quit life. I had two children, and a big, "husky" (his description of himself) husband. I had a full time job (more like a time and a half job) Nyle was attending Law School full-time and working part-time (Even with that nasty life threatening infection). Did I mention that we had two, brilliant, beautiful, daughters 2 and 1/2 years and 5 years old? YUP, the blessing was that I simply did NOT have time to give up, or curl up, I instead had to keep moving, keep moving, keep moving.
Why was that a blessing? Because I am prone to "over" think each and every situation in life. I didn't have time to think very much. I just had every single minute of every day filled to capacity with the needs of life.
The unfortunate thing that I have discovered as I walk along through life is that the fears and fires of life refuse to be ignored permanently. If you can not or will not address them in the daytime they will bite you in the bottom HARD in the night.
There is a popular song right now that chants, "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger." I think they should add a simple word..."What Doesn't Kill You CAN Make You Stronger." The reality is that it can also turn you into a pile of burned out ashes.
At this point are any of you questioning, "Where is the THRIVE part in all of this?" Be patient I promise, it's coming.
I had stage I breast Cancer. It was found in two diverse locations in my left breast. So research and asking doctors advice, and lots and lots of prayer later, I determined to have two lumpectomies, and 25 radiation treatments. (I simply can not call it RADIATION THERAPY. It helped save my life but it's far from THERAPEUTIC).
If you are wondering why everything is now in Italics it's because my smarter than me computer randomly switched and I can't figure out how to switch back. I can give you bold or underline text, but normal seems to be beyond my abilities.
Back to the story. One day as I was slogging back from radiation I was so discouraged I could barely breathe. In addition I was miserable! If anyone tells you that radiation is no big deal THEY ARE LYING! It was an enormous deal especially with Fibromyalgia that overreacts to every physical causation.
I was in the Waiting Room, waiting to chat with the good doctor. There was the most frail old man you can imagine. It was obvious that he was terminal. I was amazed that he still could speak coherently or think his body was so obviously ravaged by the disease. He had an enormous grin on his face. I found that reaction counterintuitive given our common situation.
He said cheerfuly to grim faced me, "You know every day above ground is a cause for celebration." Now if someone out on the street that was healthy, and was not facing every difficulty life could hand them had said that I would have been tempted to smack them (I'm generally non-violent but that situation would have stretched my non-violent limits!)
Coming from this man the words had impact and value.
Those simple words triggered a huge change in my outlook on life. I had been clinging to living with the barest of fingernail tips...starting to drop off the "Hang in there," mindset.
Was it actually possible to "Celebrate every day above ground," even when those days were fraught with the worst of life's uncertainty? Would it make me delusional to still hear the joy of a bird's call in the morning? Was it right to feel radiant happiness after a nap to discover my precious daughters had tucked themselves in around me, framing me like a family photo?
One of the radiation technicians loaned me a book. The name and author is long gone to history. One of the points made in that book is embedded in my soul. It spoke of our tendency in life to go up and down as life's circumstances arrive. The point of this book was that it is up to us to determine that we will be happy, even joyous NO MATTER WHAT LIFE HANDS US! The idea was revolutionary to me. I could be happy by choice? I did not have to let the uncertainties and fear of my current life setting paralyze me with fear? I could learn to "Thrive" instead of merely clinging to life "Surviving?"
As the years have come and gone with trouble AND joy I have been ever so grateful for those incredibly difficult lessons learned. In case anyone doesn't understand I am NOT saying that THRIVING instead of SURVIVING is EASY! It's actually quite difficult. It's not a denial of difficulties. It's honestly assessing those difficulties and choosing to squeeze happiness out of them. It's a conscious choice, and often over and over, and over again the choice must be made.
The song, "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger," is correct if that one word is added, "What Doesn't Kill You CAN Make You Stronger." Remember it's a choice...your choice to find joy even when it's hidden deeply amidst the hardest circumstances that life can hand you.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Leave it Better Than you Found it...whatever IT may be!
I remember the embarrassment that colored my face rosy. Mama was doing it again? What was she doing you might ask. I'll tell you. Mama was cleaning the public restroom. NO Mama did NOT get paid to do so. We were stopping at this public restroom on a road trip from California to Utah and Idaho.
It was just Mama and I in that restroom that she was busily cleaning. She picked up any and all refuse on the floor....on that nasty dirty floor! Then she took a paper towel and cleaned up the area around the sinks. The place was extremely cruddy even to my four year old eyes. It looked as though it was cleaned once....just after it had been built thirty or forty years before.
When we finally walked out of the door the place looked, well certainly not shiny, but definitely better than when we had walked in. Mama turned to me with a smile and said, "Do you know why I do that?" I mumbled my negative answer with gratitude in my heart that nobody had come in and found her doing something so embarrassing.
She said, "It's really important in life to leave wherever you go better than you found it." My immature brain felt as though lightning flashed....as though something said, "Listen, this is really important." Then the lightning was gone and the idea disappeared as I eagerly climbed back into our car.
Mama showed me this principle by her example, over, and over, and over again. It wasn't just public restrooms either. Parks, would always be in better shape after Mama had been there. She would pull weeds and pick up trash while we played on the tricky bars or swings.
Church...there was Mama....even after a two hour worship service, picking up stray cheerio's from chubby cherubs, gathering left behind items to put them in the lost and found. Of course every time that I would question her (usually I would be very hungry and wanted to go home for dinner) she would again repeat her message, "It's really important in life to leave wherever you go better than you found it."
Years later when my brain was mature, (but slightly dented), I was watching a documentary. They asked the question, "Which is better kept, privately owned, or publicly owned?" They went on to show that people would almost always take better care of their personal possessions than they would a place that was open to the "public."
Again that lightning strike but this time the concept gelled and stayed. "Leave wherever you go better than you found it." Then add to that, "Public places belong to ALL of us. That means that ALL of us should clean up after ourselves. ALL of us should "Leave wherever you go better than you found it."
So what can you "Leave better" today? Can you call a friend and leave their heart better by reaching out in love? Can you pray for those that you love that are struggling? Can you pick up; trash as you take your doggy for a walk? How about cleaning out that closet that you have been procrastinating forever? These are just a very few ways to leave things better.
To end this little post I wish to return to my Mama. She has lived 94 years on this earth. When she joins my dear Papa who has been gone for 22 years she will DEFINITELY leave this world better than she found it. She fostered over 15 children, raising three biological children. I like to think that we turned out well, although in life there is always room for improvement. She lead the Women's group in our faith several times. During World War II she was a 5 star general selling War Bond's. That means she sold over $20,000.00 worth of bonds. That would be around $100,000.00 in today's inflated economy. She lived through the GREAT DEPRESSION and WORLD WAR II and managed to "Thrive, not just Survive." Yup, my Mama is DEFINITELY leaving the world a better place than what she found!
It was just Mama and I in that restroom that she was busily cleaning. She picked up any and all refuse on the floor....on that nasty dirty floor! Then she took a paper towel and cleaned up the area around the sinks. The place was extremely cruddy even to my four year old eyes. It looked as though it was cleaned once....just after it had been built thirty or forty years before.
When we finally walked out of the door the place looked, well certainly not shiny, but definitely better than when we had walked in. Mama turned to me with a smile and said, "Do you know why I do that?" I mumbled my negative answer with gratitude in my heart that nobody had come in and found her doing something so embarrassing.
She said, "It's really important in life to leave wherever you go better than you found it." My immature brain felt as though lightning flashed....as though something said, "Listen, this is really important." Then the lightning was gone and the idea disappeared as I eagerly climbed back into our car.
Mama showed me this principle by her example, over, and over, and over again. It wasn't just public restrooms either. Parks, would always be in better shape after Mama had been there. She would pull weeds and pick up trash while we played on the tricky bars or swings.
Church...there was Mama....even after a two hour worship service, picking up stray cheerio's from chubby cherubs, gathering left behind items to put them in the lost and found. Of course every time that I would question her (usually I would be very hungry and wanted to go home for dinner) she would again repeat her message, "It's really important in life to leave wherever you go better than you found it."
Years later when my brain was mature, (but slightly dented), I was watching a documentary. They asked the question, "Which is better kept, privately owned, or publicly owned?" They went on to show that people would almost always take better care of their personal possessions than they would a place that was open to the "public."
Again that lightning strike but this time the concept gelled and stayed. "Leave wherever you go better than you found it." Then add to that, "Public places belong to ALL of us. That means that ALL of us should clean up after ourselves. ALL of us should "Leave wherever you go better than you found it."
So what can you "Leave better" today? Can you call a friend and leave their heart better by reaching out in love? Can you pray for those that you love that are struggling? Can you pick up; trash as you take your doggy for a walk? How about cleaning out that closet that you have been procrastinating forever? These are just a very few ways to leave things better.
To end this little post I wish to return to my Mama. She has lived 94 years on this earth. When she joins my dear Papa who has been gone for 22 years she will DEFINITELY leave this world better than she found it. She fostered over 15 children, raising three biological children. I like to think that we turned out well, although in life there is always room for improvement. She lead the Women's group in our faith several times. During World War II she was a 5 star general selling War Bond's. That means she sold over $20,000.00 worth of bonds. That would be around $100,000.00 in today's inflated economy. She lived through the GREAT DEPRESSION and WORLD WAR II and managed to "Thrive, not just Survive." Yup, my Mama is DEFINITELY leaving the world a better place than what she found!
Sunday, April 28, 2013
I Wonder
I wonder
As I look out at the world so lovely from my window
How does the sun know to come up each morning?
How does the moon know to rise up above the mountain that is behind our house?
I wonder
How the seasons know to change and move?
I wonder
Why I am so blessed?
Not lucky
For the wondrous gifts in my life do NOT feel like simple random experiences
They feel like as I said before "gifts,"
I wonder
if there is a God a Creator how could he possibly care about a tiny dot in this large universe, Me
I wonder
How important are we?
That a Creator would create all this beauty for us
I wonder
That such a being would long to communicate with us through prayer
I wonder
That one minute Nyle and I were two, joined together in the love of marriage
Then the next we were three and then four
I wonder
As I look out at the world so lovely from my window
How does the sun know to come up each morning?
How does the moon know to rise up above the mountain that is behind our house?
I wonder
How the seasons know to change and move?
I wonder
Why I am so blessed?
Not lucky
For the wondrous gifts in my life do NOT feel like simple random experiences
They feel like as I said before "gifts,"
I wonder
if there is a God a Creator how could he possibly care about a tiny dot in this large universe, Me
I wonder
How important are we?
That a Creator would create all this beauty for us
I wonder
That such a being would long to communicate with us through prayer
I wonder
That one minute Nyle and I were two, joined together in the love of marriage
Then the next we were three and then four
I wonder
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