A Naked Emperor?

There is a childhood story that I always found entertaining.  It's about an Emperor that pays more attention to his fashion sense than he does to the needs of the populace.  A tailor comes in to town that convinces the foolish ruler that he is making a suit so beautiful, so spectacular that there has never been anything like it.  The king proudly wears his new suit in a grandiose parade.  A child has the honesty to point and say, "Mommy, why does the king have on no clothes?"

Battling cancer for the second time sometimes leaves me feeling chagrined and naked.  Granted, I am not anybody's ruler.  I am also aware when I have on no clothes, so this is not the perfect analogy.  On the other hand, with this invader in my body I feel as though the world can view my weaknesses, my imperfections.

On the other hand, I don't wish anybody to believe that I am wondrously strong, an example for everyone to see.  I had a miserable day today.  I felt distinctly camel like.  (As in the straw that broke the camel's back)?  The straw was the way that health crap leaves you needing twice as much money, with no ability to earn it.

Now some of you may be scratching your heads thinking, "WOW...she thinks she's a ruler AND a camel?"

My entire life has been shaped by one medical challenge after another.  When I became an adult I realized all the chaos that had been in our family because of my medical needs.  Even in 1956, continual medical need cost a great deal of money.  As I grew older, there were better medicines to give me a better quality of life.  Unfortunately, the new medicines cost a whole lot of money.

Then...many car accidents, multiple falls, damaged back, bad knees, fibromyalgia, and two breast cancers later...sometimes I feel like I'm cobbled together with bills, pills, and ills.  The other two rhyming words are trauma and drama.  On days like today....I felt naked, like everyone in the world could see my foul mood and my pity party.  The reality is, if they didn't before, reading this they will.  (Disclaimer, very few people read this blog).

Why the venting.  Somehow putting my emotions into words on a page helps me to sift and sort through them.  I don't want tomorrow to be as bad as today.  What made today so horrid was my attitude about it.  Granted, I don't believe there really IS a very positive attitude towards cancer, or other health problems on an everyday basis.  As a great singer once sang, "Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug."  I felt mostly bug like today.  (OK, now I'm ruler, camel, AND bug)?

One of the best things in life is that we are given fresh starts, over, over, and over again.  I look forward to a new day.