Dot is our lovely grey/silver kitty. She has golden ambered eyes. She appeared on our patio one stormy, cold, wintry night. Without hesitation Nyle and Ardis built her a shelter, put out water, and food. So would anyone be surprised that Dot would leave...but then return when she was hungry or thirsty?
I tried to dissuade my rescuing familial members that we already HAD THREE rescued critters, and one more would put us twice over the condo limit of only two pets. I urged them not to bring her into the house. Of course, she came into the house. I pleaded to have them leave her outside most of the time. She was in the house for longer and longer periods of time.
She hated both of our other cats. Katty was old at thirteen years. She weighed all of 3 pounds. Spike was a great deal like his name. He was the prickly and unchallenged head of the animal pack in our family. Nyle was the unchallenged head of the human pack in our family! Then there was Rolly our dear 10 ish year old Poochan, which is a poodle blended with a bichon. She fell madly, head over heels in love with Rolly. We think that she views him as a strange type of cat. They are around the same size. Unfortunately for her, the affection is NOT reciprocal.
My family allowed me the privilege of naming Dot. (I'm certain that they thought that if I named her I would connect to her). Not so much. I named her Dot because she has a tiny dot of white fur under her chin. It took a couple of years before she relaxed enough to roll on her back. I discovered then that she actually has a bikini top and bottom on her stomach consisting of white fur. It's a good thing that I didn't discover those patches until after I named her. I totally would have named her Bikini, and what kind of name is that for a kitty? lol
I moved into my first all alone apartment after Nyle died. Dot came with me. Spike had also passed. So I now only had three critters, Katty, Rolly, and Dot. All ferocious twenty pounds of Dot still stalked Katty. I still kept Dot at an emotional distance.
Eventually we had to mercifully release our eighteen year old Katty Kaliko when she developed cancer of the bladder. I think for awhile afterwards she would appear randomly around Dot. Dot would look up, shoot straight in the air fur standing tall, and then dash to a different room. This continued for several months. I felt like Katty was at last getting revenge on Dot.
Today I let Dot outside while I did some snow shoveling. That turned out to be a big mistake! There is a place in our front yard that is VERY steep. It's dangerous for me to walk in that part of the yard with my balance issues, and my difficulty in always making my legs do what I need them to do. To complicate everything there is a rose bush bare with vicious thorns waiting on the attack.
She seems to revel in the fact that it's almost impossible for me to reach her in this hideaway. I called her, and called her, and called her (hey, it works sometimes). Next I went into the house and closed the door. (I hoped that she would come running to be let inside). NOPE!
Finally, with all hope gone of obtaining her in any other way, I literally risked life and limb to carry her back into the house. It made me think about the times in my life that opportunity called, but I ignored the call. I believe that this is true of all of we humans on this planet together. Sometimes it literally is easier to stay in the same old unfulfilling rut than it is to answer a call for change, or improvement, or both. What is calling for you today?
Remember that in our lives we have the ability to choose priorities and then act accordingly. We CAN listen for and HEED the call, and find satisfaction and growth.
By the way, Dot has become very dear to my heart. After I turn the light out at night she comes and stands on my tummy and uses her front paws (which are clawless...who removes a cat's claws and then abandons them)? to massage my neck and face. It is an extremely soothing segue into sleep. I'm grateful now for her adoption into our family (At the same time PLEASE do NOT bring us any kitties or doggies...we really DO have our limit)!
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass....it's about learning to dance in the rain!
Monday, January 25, 2016
Snags?
I have only fished one or two times. The first time I had to have my Father attach the worm to my hook. I was NOT going to touch that creepy crawly thing, and I could NEVER gruesomely connect the hook into the worm...YUCK!
One time I fished with my honeybunch Nyle. He tried to teach me how to cast a fishing line, and how to fly fish. After almost following the fishing pole into the water, then casting poorly and winding up with my line in a very large snag at the edge of the water, I realized that I would just about rather be having a root canal than fishing.
I've always found it fascinating that some people (Including my honeybunch) found it fascinating to watch television programs with people fishing. To me it closely approximates the excitement of watching paint dry on walls. I asked my hubby one day, "What do you find interesting about this?" He retorted, "The angles these professionals use to cast, the types of bait that they use for different types of fish, and seeing the catch that they reel in." Oddly, I still didn't really see the attraction...not even a little bit!
Snags tangle fishing lines, waste bait, and sometimes make it necessary to cut your line and then restring your fishing pole. In this context there is not one single thing positive to say about snags.
In life there are also snags. It was a terrible snag for me when my honeybunch died at the age of 54. I had not planned on being a widow at this age. I thought I had at least another 10, 20 years with my darling. This snag threatened to stop me from progressing. I simply wished to climb into bed and wait to die and be reunited with my sweetheart of 27 years of marriage.
I'm grateful for the daughters that we have, and the furry family that we have as well. I had to get up and help all of them with food to eat, water to drink, walks to have, ears to listen and affirm (that last one would be to our daughters, not our furry family, the furs do NOT articulate the English language effectively), and two shoulders for our daughters to cry on. They kept me putting one foot in front of the other until I could again motivate myself to live! I also watched over their sorrow with a listening ear.
What snags are you facing today? Are you working at a job that you don't care for? Is education turning out to be more difficult than you expected? Is someone you love dearly ill? One of my friends lost her husband, found one of her kitties dead, and then had her entire basement flooded with 4 feet of water. Oh wait, did I mention that she had a specialty type of surgery to help her cope with her extreme back pain, and then found out that she now needs shoulder surgery?
Snags can stop our forward momentum. They can "dam" us. You know how a dam stops water? Snags can create that exact type of daming. Beavers build enormous piles of snags that are used to block the water for them.
Can a snag be a stepping stone for us to greater things? That would be a YES! As we clear away our snag in one way or another it can open our perspective to understand more about ourselves and others. It can motivate us to the need for greater achievement.
What makes the difference between a snag that dams us, or a snag that improves us? The fix is simple in three letters...Y O U! That's right, YOU are in charge of how you approach the snags of life. If that seems too simple to be true I dare you to test what I'm saying. Don't just take my word for this principle...sit down and analyze the snag or snags that you are facing. There is a world wide web of possible sources to help you move through and then away from your snag.
Attitude is a choice. Each new morning, week, month, year, decade, or in the case of those of us living since the 20th century, a new millenium, gives us the opportunity to start over. It's not something that will just HAPPEN. We must each use the NEW that comes our way, then make the choice to strengthen ourselves to rise beyond our snags. That's right. I said that attitude does not come magically to each and everyone of us. When confronted with snags large and small we must make the choice whether to let the snag overcome us, or whether to let the snags of life improve us! WE MAKE THAT CHOICE!
WE CAN MAKE OUR CHOICE BY SIMPLY DOING NOTHING! I'm paraphrasing one of my favorite quotes, All that it takes for evil to triumph in this world is for good men to do nothing. I also love the paraphrased quote, A life without mindfulness is a life wasted. If we never examine ourselves, if we just let each day fade in and out without a desire to change or improve...we will soon find ourselves in our 20's 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and so on with the knowledge of many, many missed opportunities.
It should be absolutely absolute that it's better to regret a choice that you made than it is to not make a choice at all! Think about that idea for a moment. Even the teeny tiny choices that we make in life impact us, and sometimes all those in the realm of our sphere. When I eat nothing but junk food for a day or too it makes me feel grumpy, and it's very hard for me to keep my grumpy to myself. As I share my grumpiness, it impacts those that I live with, and any that really know me! What to eat seems an innocuous choice but the older I get the more important that choice becomes, and the more quickly I feel the consequences of that choice.
Choose to do SOMETHING, and use your your snags to motivate improvement in your life. YOU are creating your own reality, authoring your own book of life.
One time I fished with my honeybunch Nyle. He tried to teach me how to cast a fishing line, and how to fly fish. After almost following the fishing pole into the water, then casting poorly and winding up with my line in a very large snag at the edge of the water, I realized that I would just about rather be having a root canal than fishing.
I've always found it fascinating that some people (Including my honeybunch) found it fascinating to watch television programs with people fishing. To me it closely approximates the excitement of watching paint dry on walls. I asked my hubby one day, "What do you find interesting about this?" He retorted, "The angles these professionals use to cast, the types of bait that they use for different types of fish, and seeing the catch that they reel in." Oddly, I still didn't really see the attraction...not even a little bit!
Snags tangle fishing lines, waste bait, and sometimes make it necessary to cut your line and then restring your fishing pole. In this context there is not one single thing positive to say about snags.
In life there are also snags. It was a terrible snag for me when my honeybunch died at the age of 54. I had not planned on being a widow at this age. I thought I had at least another 10, 20 years with my darling. This snag threatened to stop me from progressing. I simply wished to climb into bed and wait to die and be reunited with my sweetheart of 27 years of marriage.
I'm grateful for the daughters that we have, and the furry family that we have as well. I had to get up and help all of them with food to eat, water to drink, walks to have, ears to listen and affirm (that last one would be to our daughters, not our furry family, the furs do NOT articulate the English language effectively), and two shoulders for our daughters to cry on. They kept me putting one foot in front of the other until I could again motivate myself to live! I also watched over their sorrow with a listening ear.
What snags are you facing today? Are you working at a job that you don't care for? Is education turning out to be more difficult than you expected? Is someone you love dearly ill? One of my friends lost her husband, found one of her kitties dead, and then had her entire basement flooded with 4 feet of water. Oh wait, did I mention that she had a specialty type of surgery to help her cope with her extreme back pain, and then found out that she now needs shoulder surgery?
Snags can stop our forward momentum. They can "dam" us. You know how a dam stops water? Snags can create that exact type of daming. Beavers build enormous piles of snags that are used to block the water for them.
Can a snag be a stepping stone for us to greater things? That would be a YES! As we clear away our snag in one way or another it can open our perspective to understand more about ourselves and others. It can motivate us to the need for greater achievement.
What makes the difference between a snag that dams us, or a snag that improves us? The fix is simple in three letters...Y O U! That's right, YOU are in charge of how you approach the snags of life. If that seems too simple to be true I dare you to test what I'm saying. Don't just take my word for this principle...sit down and analyze the snag or snags that you are facing. There is a world wide web of possible sources to help you move through and then away from your snag.
Attitude is a choice. Each new morning, week, month, year, decade, or in the case of those of us living since the 20th century, a new millenium, gives us the opportunity to start over. It's not something that will just HAPPEN. We must each use the NEW that comes our way, then make the choice to strengthen ourselves to rise beyond our snags. That's right. I said that attitude does not come magically to each and everyone of us. When confronted with snags large and small we must make the choice whether to let the snag overcome us, or whether to let the snags of life improve us! WE MAKE THAT CHOICE!
WE CAN MAKE OUR CHOICE BY SIMPLY DOING NOTHING! I'm paraphrasing one of my favorite quotes, All that it takes for evil to triumph in this world is for good men to do nothing. I also love the paraphrased quote, A life without mindfulness is a life wasted. If we never examine ourselves, if we just let each day fade in and out without a desire to change or improve...we will soon find ourselves in our 20's 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and so on with the knowledge of many, many missed opportunities.
It should be absolutely absolute that it's better to regret a choice that you made than it is to not make a choice at all! Think about that idea for a moment. Even the teeny tiny choices that we make in life impact us, and sometimes all those in the realm of our sphere. When I eat nothing but junk food for a day or too it makes me feel grumpy, and it's very hard for me to keep my grumpy to myself. As I share my grumpiness, it impacts those that I live with, and any that really know me! What to eat seems an innocuous choice but the older I get the more important that choice becomes, and the more quickly I feel the consequences of that choice.
Choose to do SOMETHING, and use your your snags to motivate improvement in your life. YOU are creating your own reality, authoring your own book of life.
Friday, January 1, 2016
Happy New Year!
Part of me wishes to race into this New Year. I want to throw open my windows and scream for joy and renewal! I mean, come on, this NEW only comes once a year. In this widest of worlds there are many chances for new as in REnewal, REfresh, and the best one of all REverberate! (Ok, re means to repeat, wait, does that mean peating again? lol Who would like to repeat verberating?)
I would love to hear from anyone with their New Year's resolutions, or goals. Goals are very important. As one of my favorite quotes says, "A goal is a stone to step on, not a stick to beat yourself." Since the death of my darling hubby I have been extremely deficit in setting, let alone attaining goals. Actually for a several of those years my goal was just making it through another day without him!
It has been four years this month since his passing. This is the year when I will also start a brand new fresh decade...sixty years. It seems appropriate on every level that I hail this year and its potential for growth and achievement.
Here go the resolutions. (No judging. My strengths and weakness are not yours.) In return, I will not judge any goals that you wish to share!
1. Work on my physical fitness. I wish to participate in an overnight hike to mark this new decade coming. NOT BY MYSELF. (I did not see the movie about the man who hiked alone, and had to cut off his own arm to free himself, but I've heard way more gruesome details than I would have liked to)! When I turned 40 I climbed to the top of a mountain to see the top of a waterfall. At 50 I climbed a sand dune...one step forward and two steps back, slipping and sliding in sand makes climbing HARD!
2. Enrich my spirit. I've been reading my scriptures more often, and I'm making positive attitude cards to carry with me that have brief quotes to remind me of my potential.
3. Market my novels. I have no fear of sitting down next to someone and starting a conversation. On the other hand, walking into a room full of people as just little old me, TERRIFIES ME! I can perform on stage, I can sing or speak with confidence, I just play a character...CJ the Confident, and I'm fine. Then I come off stage and shake for a couple of hours. On the other hand, going to business people to convince them that they MUST sell my books, TERROR! You know the type of terror...it's the nightmare kind...can't move danger coming towards me...must move, can't...I'M DEAD kind! Anyone out there that would be willing to teach me about marketing would be eternally appreciated!
4. Find venues where I can raise awareness of BULLYING, SEXUAL SLAVERY/HUMAN BONDAGE (educating on ways to protect, but not live in fear), but mostly POSITIVE THINKING! Norman Vincent Peale is one of my favorite gurus on approaching life from a positive, creative, standpoint. I would like to speak to people seeking to improve their lives.
OK...there they are, MY resolutions! Your turn. I would adore hearing from others about their goals, and excitement over making new goals and reaching them!
I would love to hear from anyone with their New Year's resolutions, or goals. Goals are very important. As one of my favorite quotes says, "A goal is a stone to step on, not a stick to beat yourself." Since the death of my darling hubby I have been extremely deficit in setting, let alone attaining goals. Actually for a several of those years my goal was just making it through another day without him!
It has been four years this month since his passing. This is the year when I will also start a brand new fresh decade...sixty years. It seems appropriate on every level that I hail this year and its potential for growth and achievement.
Here go the resolutions. (No judging. My strengths and weakness are not yours.) In return, I will not judge any goals that you wish to share!
1. Work on my physical fitness. I wish to participate in an overnight hike to mark this new decade coming. NOT BY MYSELF. (I did not see the movie about the man who hiked alone, and had to cut off his own arm to free himself, but I've heard way more gruesome details than I would have liked to)! When I turned 40 I climbed to the top of a mountain to see the top of a waterfall. At 50 I climbed a sand dune...one step forward and two steps back, slipping and sliding in sand makes climbing HARD!
2. Enrich my spirit. I've been reading my scriptures more often, and I'm making positive attitude cards to carry with me that have brief quotes to remind me of my potential.
3. Market my novels. I have no fear of sitting down next to someone and starting a conversation. On the other hand, walking into a room full of people as just little old me, TERRIFIES ME! I can perform on stage, I can sing or speak with confidence, I just play a character...CJ the Confident, and I'm fine. Then I come off stage and shake for a couple of hours. On the other hand, going to business people to convince them that they MUST sell my books, TERROR! You know the type of terror...it's the nightmare kind...can't move danger coming towards me...must move, can't...I'M DEAD kind! Anyone out there that would be willing to teach me about marketing would be eternally appreciated!
4. Find venues where I can raise awareness of BULLYING, SEXUAL SLAVERY/HUMAN BONDAGE (educating on ways to protect, but not live in fear), but mostly POSITIVE THINKING! Norman Vincent Peale is one of my favorite gurus on approaching life from a positive, creative, standpoint. I would like to speak to people seeking to improve their lives.
OK...there they are, MY resolutions! Your turn. I would adore hearing from others about their goals, and excitement over making new goals and reaching them!
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Are you puzzled?
I have never been good at puzzles! They require stillness, patience, and other skills that I do not claim as mine. Having said that, I have been in the mood to put puzzles together lately. I guess that it's just another one of the surprising changes and rearranges that are happening as I'm moving through life.
One of my favorite memories is of a dear Great Aunt. I met her when I was 5 years old. She had been widowed in her 30's. She was pregnant at the time. Counting her new babe she was left with 6 children to raise alone. Somehow she managed to raise strong, remarkable human beings.
On my first visit she gave me a beautifully hand pieced quilt for my doll. I still treasure that intricate little quilt. I probably will frame it and put it on my wall at some point.
Aunt Leone put together puzzles. She had puzzled lots and lots of puzzles. After she finished, she could not bear to pull the puzzle apart and put it away to put together again at a later time. So she would modge podge the puzzle, and frame it, and up on her wall it would go. At the wise age of 5 I did not understand why she would do that. I mean, it's fun to do the same puzzle over and over, right?
Now I understand. At this age...when the past seems more comfortable than the present or future, when time becomes more precious, I too have a hard time putting a puzzle together only to take it apart when I'm finished.
Life has many puzzles for us to solve. There is the puzzle, "Do I get a college education? What college would I attend? What major do I wish to pursue? Will I date? What type of person do I wish to marry? Where would we choose to live? Will I have children...on and on endless decisions puzzle our minds as we move through life.
When my husband attended Law School, and I worked as Executive Secretary of Finance, at the liberal arts college attached to my husbands law school, and we had two beautiful small daughters, I frequently would comment how happy I would be when he finished his schooling. I wanted to quit my job and just focus on him, raising our girls, and THEN I would be happy.
My sweetie stated one day, "If you wait to be happy at some mysterious point in the future, you're going to miss the happiness that you could have, RIGHT NOW!" He was right. Even in the hectic time of him getting his J.D degree, and me working fulltime, and raising our beautiful kiddos, there was much happiness to be had.
We made wonderful friends that I stay connected with all these years later. Nyle grew intellectually. I grew in job skills. Our girls grew as they watched their parents achieve worthwhile goals. It WAS a time of great happiness.
Sometimes however, it was easy to forget to choose that happiness. Did you notice the key word in that statement...CHOOSE? Most of the time in life happiness is a conscious choice that we can make. We CAN be happy IN SPITE of any struggles that we face.
Our family motto is "Happy not Crappy." That refers to this idea. We can choose to be happy even in negative life situations. Hard is not necessarily BAD. Often in hard times there are kernels of joy to be discovered.
Life can be easily compared to a giant puzzle. Each step of the way is like putting pieces together in that puzzle. I believe that when we have finished this life, when we've done the best that we could do, we'll be thrilled to look at the overall picture of the puzzle. Even the hard times, the struggles will lend texture and shading to that marvelous picture.
Some of the lessons that I have been reminded of as I have been puzzling are:
1. If a piece doesn't fit one way, try it the other three. I have been pleasantly surprised how many times just looking at the piece from a different perspective will help me find the position where it goes in the puzzle.
2. If you find yourself frustrated and not finding the pieces you need, quit working on that part for awhile. Find a simpler part to tackle until you've calmed again and are ready to tackle that trickier part.
3. When you start putting together the pieces you can't see the whole picture of how it will fit.
4. Each piece is separate. A piece of cardstock/cardboard cut out that will fit in some mysterious part of the puzzle.
5. Each piece is attractive alone, but MORE attractive and stronger when they have been connected.
6. When you see the entire finished puzzle you can look at it and think, "Oh, that's why that piece fits there, and this other piece fits there. It all makes sense.
7. There is a framework that goes around the edge of the puzzle. This frame anchors every other piece of the puzzle as you put it together.
8. There is not a single only way to approach puzzling. Some folks like to choose the exterior pieces and put them together first. Some prefer to put them together matching colors and working out towards the exterior. Some group the pieces by color. Each way can result in a completed, lovely puzzle.
There are so many opportunities for newness in this life. Every morning can be new! Every week, month, and year offers a chance to change and grow. For some of us, every decade can bring growth. In the creation of your puzzle be aware that we CAN overcome the past. We CAN choose to leave behind mistakes, and foolishness. We can improve and grow.
One of my favorite memories is of a dear Great Aunt. I met her when I was 5 years old. She had been widowed in her 30's. She was pregnant at the time. Counting her new babe she was left with 6 children to raise alone. Somehow she managed to raise strong, remarkable human beings.
On my first visit she gave me a beautifully hand pieced quilt for my doll. I still treasure that intricate little quilt. I probably will frame it and put it on my wall at some point.
Aunt Leone put together puzzles. She had puzzled lots and lots of puzzles. After she finished, she could not bear to pull the puzzle apart and put it away to put together again at a later time. So she would modge podge the puzzle, and frame it, and up on her wall it would go. At the wise age of 5 I did not understand why she would do that. I mean, it's fun to do the same puzzle over and over, right?
Now I understand. At this age...when the past seems more comfortable than the present or future, when time becomes more precious, I too have a hard time putting a puzzle together only to take it apart when I'm finished.
Life has many puzzles for us to solve. There is the puzzle, "Do I get a college education? What college would I attend? What major do I wish to pursue? Will I date? What type of person do I wish to marry? Where would we choose to live? Will I have children...on and on endless decisions puzzle our minds as we move through life.
When my husband attended Law School, and I worked as Executive Secretary of Finance, at the liberal arts college attached to my husbands law school, and we had two beautiful small daughters, I frequently would comment how happy I would be when he finished his schooling. I wanted to quit my job and just focus on him, raising our girls, and THEN I would be happy.
My sweetie stated one day, "If you wait to be happy at some mysterious point in the future, you're going to miss the happiness that you could have, RIGHT NOW!" He was right. Even in the hectic time of him getting his J.D degree, and me working fulltime, and raising our beautiful kiddos, there was much happiness to be had.
We made wonderful friends that I stay connected with all these years later. Nyle grew intellectually. I grew in job skills. Our girls grew as they watched their parents achieve worthwhile goals. It WAS a time of great happiness.
Sometimes however, it was easy to forget to choose that happiness. Did you notice the key word in that statement...CHOOSE? Most of the time in life happiness is a conscious choice that we can make. We CAN be happy IN SPITE of any struggles that we face.
Our family motto is "Happy not Crappy." That refers to this idea. We can choose to be happy even in negative life situations. Hard is not necessarily BAD. Often in hard times there are kernels of joy to be discovered.
Life can be easily compared to a giant puzzle. Each step of the way is like putting pieces together in that puzzle. I believe that when we have finished this life, when we've done the best that we could do, we'll be thrilled to look at the overall picture of the puzzle. Even the hard times, the struggles will lend texture and shading to that marvelous picture.
Some of the lessons that I have been reminded of as I have been puzzling are:
1. If a piece doesn't fit one way, try it the other three. I have been pleasantly surprised how many times just looking at the piece from a different perspective will help me find the position where it goes in the puzzle.
2. If you find yourself frustrated and not finding the pieces you need, quit working on that part for awhile. Find a simpler part to tackle until you've calmed again and are ready to tackle that trickier part.
3. When you start putting together the pieces you can't see the whole picture of how it will fit.
4. Each piece is separate. A piece of cardstock/cardboard cut out that will fit in some mysterious part of the puzzle.
5. Each piece is attractive alone, but MORE attractive and stronger when they have been connected.
6. When you see the entire finished puzzle you can look at it and think, "Oh, that's why that piece fits there, and this other piece fits there. It all makes sense.
7. There is a framework that goes around the edge of the puzzle. This frame anchors every other piece of the puzzle as you put it together.
8. There is not a single only way to approach puzzling. Some folks like to choose the exterior pieces and put them together first. Some prefer to put them together matching colors and working out towards the exterior. Some group the pieces by color. Each way can result in a completed, lovely puzzle.
There are so many opportunities for newness in this life. Every morning can be new! Every week, month, and year offers a chance to change and grow. For some of us, every decade can bring growth. In the creation of your puzzle be aware that we CAN overcome the past. We CAN choose to leave behind mistakes, and foolishness. We can improve and grow.
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
That First Christmas - After We Married
Nyle and I had been married for four and a half months on that first Christmas. Somehow I think that I expected that we would spend that very first one with my family. We had never discussed this idea...again I assumed. I mean, after all, his family were spread out quite a bit across the country.
Nyle had spent almost three Christmases by himself before we met, fell in love, and married. Those holidays that he spent alone were very sad days for him. One Christmas he was recovering from emergency colon surgery. The next one he was recovering from major knee surgery. His family were all living away from where he lived.
When I finally voiced my expectation about being with my family just a few days before Christmas he told me that now WE were a family. He wanted us to start, right away, to begin our own family Christmas Traditions. I don't know how many actual traditions we started that Christmas. We did, however, begin our own family. It was incredibly joyous for both of us when we discovered a few weeks before Christmas that our very first child was preparing to join us.
I bought an ornament, that 30 years later looks a bit grimy, that says "Our First Christmas." It still brings back the same tingles that I felt just looking at my handsome hubby during that wonderful time. I'm certain that we must have done some fun Christmasey things. All that I remember is feeling that I was the most blessed woman alive to marry Nyle Smith! (It goes without saying that he was extremely blessed to marry ME! Hey, I was quite a catch)!
Nyle was absolutely the best gift giver ever. He gave wonderful, thoughtful gifts. One of our last Christmases before he passed away, he gave me several sets of fleece sheets. I did not even know they existed. Flannel sheets yes...fleece sheets, NO! Those sheets were magical. In the icy cold winters of Utah, it was like climbing into a hug! I still treasure those sheets, more so now that he is not here to give me a hug.
He taught me the importance of giving gifts of caring. It was terribly hard for me to find the perfect gift for him. It was ironic, actually that he gave such thoughtful gifts, and I struggled to figure out what he would enjoy. To make things worse, we rarely had much money to spend, and he always had excellent, expensive taste. (That is not to say that I had poor, cheap taste...not then or now. I mean, come on, I married him proving my excellence in taste)! There was the telescope that he just desperately wanted...that I spent three years paying for! Or the time I put a bunch of nice pens as one of his stocking stuffers, and then he teased me about it for years, "Pens, really? That was the best you could come up with?" He never let me forget those pens...ok that's an exaggeration. He let me forget after 25 years or so!
Nyle DID appreciate the gifts that I really spent time on. For example, I knitted him a six foot long, four foot wide Colonial American flag. He loved that gift. On the other hand, he felt odd using a flag to nap under. Flying proudly in the hot summer sun one year, I discovered that he had hung it from our patio. Nobody could miss that mark to our patriotism. I did wonder if they were confused by the fact that it only had thirteen stars on it. Again, I had knit a COLONIAL flag...not the current flag with fifty stars.
The best gift that Nyle gave me, is our two darling daughters. Their presence in my life keeps him alive. He was an amazing Daddy. His wicked sense of humor continues in our daughters. I am a rather intense individual, and can be VERY emotional. They have learned to simply say, "Don't go deep Mom, don't go deep." That is in reference to my intensity of emotion. He used to keep me from taking myself too seriously. Now they do.
These dear daughters insist on helping me with my disability issues. Nyle taught them that sense of love and honor by his example with his own Mother. His Mama was brilliant. She raised five sons, largely by herself. Her husband became an alcoholic during their married life. She tried to hold together their marriage, their family, for years. Finally divorce was the only possible option. Mom had not worked in around 25 years outside of their home.
She was able to gain an entry level job as a secretary/receptionist. The pay was negligible...around $380.00 a month. That was not much even in the 1970's. Within two years she had worked her way into the position of Detective, Consumer Fraud in her state. She was the FIRST female detective in her field in the state. She received many awards, and lots of accolades for her ability to look like a sweet, naive Grandma. The business owners were always shocked when she would come back and shut them DOWN.
Tragically the last five years of Mom's life she developed dementia. It was painful to watch this brilliant, wickedly witty, loving woman, lose herself. Nyle and Mom were the best of friends. He traveled once or twice a month across several states to take her to the doctor, and to the hairdresser. After years of discovering dishonest, or downright evil businesses, and then shutting them down, in her delusions she would not trust anyone unless Nyle was there. Sometimes she didn't trust people, even then.
She called many times and poured out terrible accusations directed at Nyle. It broke his heart. Yet, in spite of the false ideations she sometimes had about him, he still gave as much, and as loving, of care as he could possibly provide. I know that his example of love, honor, and duty towards his Mother made a firm impression on our girls.
You might ask, "How did these ideas about your adult girls, and Nyle and his Mom have anything to do with your first Christmas together?" My answer is, "Very little. Hey, how much sleep have you been able to get this holiday week? Me too." So forgive my tangent. It may be off topic, but interesting don't you think? Back to the subject.
Nyle made me promise that I would never send out a basic, newsy, Christmas letter. He always wrote very funny ones. He wanted me to continue the tradition. He actually made me vow (although I did NOT put my hand on any book, Bible or otherwise), I do NOT have his sense of humor. To give you an example of my sense of humor. Remember when you're sitting in a darkened movie theater watching a movie and some odd lady laughs really hard when everyone else is completely silent? Yes, sirree, that's me! Since I can't write zany letters, I will probably not write Christmas letters. However, when you get my New Year's letters, who knows what format they will take?
I wish to you all Happy Holidays, whether you rejoice with Channukah, celebrate Kwanza, sing Merry Christmas or find some other holiday to make you joyful. When you're with those you love, EVERYDAY is a celebration!
Nyle had spent almost three Christmases by himself before we met, fell in love, and married. Those holidays that he spent alone were very sad days for him. One Christmas he was recovering from emergency colon surgery. The next one he was recovering from major knee surgery. His family were all living away from where he lived.
When I finally voiced my expectation about being with my family just a few days before Christmas he told me that now WE were a family. He wanted us to start, right away, to begin our own family Christmas Traditions. I don't know how many actual traditions we started that Christmas. We did, however, begin our own family. It was incredibly joyous for both of us when we discovered a few weeks before Christmas that our very first child was preparing to join us.
I bought an ornament, that 30 years later looks a bit grimy, that says "Our First Christmas." It still brings back the same tingles that I felt just looking at my handsome hubby during that wonderful time. I'm certain that we must have done some fun Christmasey things. All that I remember is feeling that I was the most blessed woman alive to marry Nyle Smith! (It goes without saying that he was extremely blessed to marry ME! Hey, I was quite a catch)!
Nyle was absolutely the best gift giver ever. He gave wonderful, thoughtful gifts. One of our last Christmases before he passed away, he gave me several sets of fleece sheets. I did not even know they existed. Flannel sheets yes...fleece sheets, NO! Those sheets were magical. In the icy cold winters of Utah, it was like climbing into a hug! I still treasure those sheets, more so now that he is not here to give me a hug.
He taught me the importance of giving gifts of caring. It was terribly hard for me to find the perfect gift for him. It was ironic, actually that he gave such thoughtful gifts, and I struggled to figure out what he would enjoy. To make things worse, we rarely had much money to spend, and he always had excellent, expensive taste. (That is not to say that I had poor, cheap taste...not then or now. I mean, come on, I married him proving my excellence in taste)! There was the telescope that he just desperately wanted...that I spent three years paying for! Or the time I put a bunch of nice pens as one of his stocking stuffers, and then he teased me about it for years, "Pens, really? That was the best you could come up with?" He never let me forget those pens...ok that's an exaggeration. He let me forget after 25 years or so!
Nyle DID appreciate the gifts that I really spent time on. For example, I knitted him a six foot long, four foot wide Colonial American flag. He loved that gift. On the other hand, he felt odd using a flag to nap under. Flying proudly in the hot summer sun one year, I discovered that he had hung it from our patio. Nobody could miss that mark to our patriotism. I did wonder if they were confused by the fact that it only had thirteen stars on it. Again, I had knit a COLONIAL flag...not the current flag with fifty stars.
The best gift that Nyle gave me, is our two darling daughters. Their presence in my life keeps him alive. He was an amazing Daddy. His wicked sense of humor continues in our daughters. I am a rather intense individual, and can be VERY emotional. They have learned to simply say, "Don't go deep Mom, don't go deep." That is in reference to my intensity of emotion. He used to keep me from taking myself too seriously. Now they do.
These dear daughters insist on helping me with my disability issues. Nyle taught them that sense of love and honor by his example with his own Mother. His Mama was brilliant. She raised five sons, largely by herself. Her husband became an alcoholic during their married life. She tried to hold together their marriage, their family, for years. Finally divorce was the only possible option. Mom had not worked in around 25 years outside of their home.
She was able to gain an entry level job as a secretary/receptionist. The pay was negligible...around $380.00 a month. That was not much even in the 1970's. Within two years she had worked her way into the position of Detective, Consumer Fraud in her state. She was the FIRST female detective in her field in the state. She received many awards, and lots of accolades for her ability to look like a sweet, naive Grandma. The business owners were always shocked when she would come back and shut them DOWN.
Tragically the last five years of Mom's life she developed dementia. It was painful to watch this brilliant, wickedly witty, loving woman, lose herself. Nyle and Mom were the best of friends. He traveled once or twice a month across several states to take her to the doctor, and to the hairdresser. After years of discovering dishonest, or downright evil businesses, and then shutting them down, in her delusions she would not trust anyone unless Nyle was there. Sometimes she didn't trust people, even then.
She called many times and poured out terrible accusations directed at Nyle. It broke his heart. Yet, in spite of the false ideations she sometimes had about him, he still gave as much, and as loving, of care as he could possibly provide. I know that his example of love, honor, and duty towards his Mother made a firm impression on our girls.
You might ask, "How did these ideas about your adult girls, and Nyle and his Mom have anything to do with your first Christmas together?" My answer is, "Very little. Hey, how much sleep have you been able to get this holiday week? Me too." So forgive my tangent. It may be off topic, but interesting don't you think? Back to the subject.
Nyle made me promise that I would never send out a basic, newsy, Christmas letter. He always wrote very funny ones. He wanted me to continue the tradition. He actually made me vow (although I did NOT put my hand on any book, Bible or otherwise), I do NOT have his sense of humor. To give you an example of my sense of humor. Remember when you're sitting in a darkened movie theater watching a movie and some odd lady laughs really hard when everyone else is completely silent? Yes, sirree, that's me! Since I can't write zany letters, I will probably not write Christmas letters. However, when you get my New Year's letters, who knows what format they will take?
I wish to you all Happy Holidays, whether you rejoice with Channukah, celebrate Kwanza, sing Merry Christmas or find some other holiday to make you joyful. When you're with those you love, EVERYDAY is a celebration!
Friday, November 27, 2015
Snurffle Day?
Oh the day was filled with wondrous activity. In one day we bought pajamas for the girls, then went to a Christmas tree farm. When we got home we decorated the house for Christmas. That is the bare bones of Snurffle Day. Let me enlarge that framework.
The holiday started as a Nyle B. Smith production. He would go and get a license from some small town in central Utah. Then he would take our four wheel vehicle up into the mountains and find THE perfect tree!
I would stay home with the girlies, or we would go out and purchase new jammies for them. We would all be buzzing with anticipation as we knew that our Christmas tree would soon be at home.
It was Nyle that gave it an official name. I believe I asked him, "We should have a name for this day." He did not even hesitate. He said, "Snurffle Day." I said, "Perfect!"
Over the years the day continued to evolve. Living in Portland we had very close access to all the Christmas trees that we could ever want! No more licenses and mountain climbing for a tree. We found a lovely Christmas tree farm that was about 20 minutes out from our home. We would ride in a van up to the hill, then we would peruse acres of beautiful Christmas trees before we made our choice. In typical fashion, the girls would chose one and then say, "Oh look, there's a better tree down there!" Then off they would sprint, adrenaline powered by Snurffle Day excitement.
I did not usually mind the chase for the tree. Well except when it was raining so hard that it was like a lake fell out of the sky. Then I was eager to find that dang tree, have them chop it down, and get us down to the cafe, gift shop and dry warmth! NOW!
More often, it would be a perfect autumn fading into winter type of day. The hill that we chose our tree from dropped back on each side. On the top of that ridge, I felt like a Queen perusing her kingdom. Acres, and acres of evergreens dropped into a valley with quaint farmhouses and barns in the valley below.
Sometimes it seemed as though low lying clouds would get tangled in all the trees. When that happened it was a completely different sort of scene. Then I felt we were walking through or maybe on top of the clouds.
After we chose the perfect tree, we had to wait for a tree chopper to come by to chop said tree down. Then we had to wait a little longer for a van to drive us back to the cafe/gift shop. Free hot cocoa was served there.
Most years, Santa would be there waiting to hear the wishes of all the boyzus and girlzus. Sarah was TERRIFIED of the Jolly Old Elf. We have a few pictures taken where Santa is holding her, and she screaming at the top of her lungs! It was only for a couple of moments, and she has not needed therapy to overcome the trauma!
Each year we, the entire family, would have our picture taken with the jolly old chap! It's so much fun to look at all the pictures taken over the years. Our youngest daughter never did feel positively about Santa. I guess I can understand, I mean, apparently this man is hundreds of years old and lives at the North pole? It did not help when we went shopping and she saw Santa's all over the place at the same time. (We explained that Santa had LOTS of helpers). That seemed to calm Sarah a bit. She just never appreciated sitting anywhere close to a man with an obviously fake beard. Sitting on Santa's lap? Never an option! In this era of "Stranger danger." I get it.
There are several years when our beloved neighborhood daughter was also in the picture. She brought us great joy. I loved having a fresh new perspective on Snurffle Day. I believe that she and her husband have their own traditions for Snurffle Day now. (We do not have a patent on Snurffle Day. Anyone may use it)!
One year we were too late. St. Nicholas had returned to the North Pole. He evidently had a new, improved, sleigh that did not fly so much as warp sped him home!
We were all ever so disappointed. Nyle excused himself to use the facilities. Several moments later I almost choked on my hot cocoa! He assured us that it was OK REAL Santa had gone home. Ghetto Santa was there to help us. Oh how I wish you could see this fabulous Santa. He had the traditional white beard, and moustache. They were made out of toilet paper. Hence the "ghetto" appellation.
Nonetheless, we were undaunted by his rather unique apparel, we took that family picture gosh darn it! That became my favorite of all the Snurffle days. I mean, come on, how many times do you get to have Ghetto Santa at your party?
After the traditional family pictorial if we became bored waiting for our tree to be shaken, bound, and tied on top of our car we would climb the stairs to a magical kingdom. In that place and space I felt like a child. Not a child AGAIN, because I never really left my first childhood! I firmly hold on to the right to be childlike. This means that I get to be truly astonished by the blinking of Christmas lights outside or on the tree. Glitering Christmas tree ornaments still give me wonder.
A few years my Mama was either living in Portland or had come up for the holidays. I had so much fun watching my 80 something Mama walk through that gift shop. As I watched her I realized who had taught by her example my childlike wonder. She too was mesmerized by the tiny Christmas villages, the ornaments of dizzyingly different sizes, shapes, and selection.
My Mom, myself, and our girls created three generations of Christmas joy! All too soon it would be time to head to the car. The car would be infused with the magical smell of evergreen. Not the tiny deodorizer evergreen that is common these days. No this was the real thing. The piquant, unique smell of a lovely hillside. It was the smell of clean air, pine sap, and happiness.
Sometimes we would stop at a store afterwards to buy those wonderful jammies. I still own a robe that we purchased for my Snurffle Day bed attire...I probably will have to put it on today!
Update: I just received a most delightful Snurffle Day surprise. One of my favorite holiday treats...Kisses that are white chocolate with little bits of peppermint candy! AWESOME!
For the rest of my life I will keep close to my heart the magic and wonder of Snurffle Day. It is a day when everything seems possible. The hardest parts of life are suspended for one entire day.
Nyle, the Snurffle Day Master passed away four years ago but he left behind two beautiful daughters who carry on his traditions. Nyle will be present, in spirit, at each and every Snurffle Day. We will hear his laughter, and relish the things he taught us.
HAPPY SNURFFLE DAY TO ALL...AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! Well, that's after Snurffle Day, you know when it gets dark and it's time to go to bed...after Snurffle day is actually over, that's when you should have a good night...okay, I will now stop rambling...
The holiday started as a Nyle B. Smith production. He would go and get a license from some small town in central Utah. Then he would take our four wheel vehicle up into the mountains and find THE perfect tree!
I would stay home with the girlies, or we would go out and purchase new jammies for them. We would all be buzzing with anticipation as we knew that our Christmas tree would soon be at home.
It was Nyle that gave it an official name. I believe I asked him, "We should have a name for this day." He did not even hesitate. He said, "Snurffle Day." I said, "Perfect!"
Over the years the day continued to evolve. Living in Portland we had very close access to all the Christmas trees that we could ever want! No more licenses and mountain climbing for a tree. We found a lovely Christmas tree farm that was about 20 minutes out from our home. We would ride in a van up to the hill, then we would peruse acres of beautiful Christmas trees before we made our choice. In typical fashion, the girls would chose one and then say, "Oh look, there's a better tree down there!" Then off they would sprint, adrenaline powered by Snurffle Day excitement.
I did not usually mind the chase for the tree. Well except when it was raining so hard that it was like a lake fell out of the sky. Then I was eager to find that dang tree, have them chop it down, and get us down to the cafe, gift shop and dry warmth! NOW!
More often, it would be a perfect autumn fading into winter type of day. The hill that we chose our tree from dropped back on each side. On the top of that ridge, I felt like a Queen perusing her kingdom. Acres, and acres of evergreens dropped into a valley with quaint farmhouses and barns in the valley below.
Sometimes it seemed as though low lying clouds would get tangled in all the trees. When that happened it was a completely different sort of scene. Then I felt we were walking through or maybe on top of the clouds.
After we chose the perfect tree, we had to wait for a tree chopper to come by to chop said tree down. Then we had to wait a little longer for a van to drive us back to the cafe/gift shop. Free hot cocoa was served there.
Most years, Santa would be there waiting to hear the wishes of all the boyzus and girlzus. Sarah was TERRIFIED of the Jolly Old Elf. We have a few pictures taken where Santa is holding her, and she screaming at the top of her lungs! It was only for a couple of moments, and she has not needed therapy to overcome the trauma!
Each year we, the entire family, would have our picture taken with the jolly old chap! It's so much fun to look at all the pictures taken over the years. Our youngest daughter never did feel positively about Santa. I guess I can understand, I mean, apparently this man is hundreds of years old and lives at the North pole? It did not help when we went shopping and she saw Santa's all over the place at the same time. (We explained that Santa had LOTS of helpers). That seemed to calm Sarah a bit. She just never appreciated sitting anywhere close to a man with an obviously fake beard. Sitting on Santa's lap? Never an option! In this era of "Stranger danger." I get it.
There are several years when our beloved neighborhood daughter was also in the picture. She brought us great joy. I loved having a fresh new perspective on Snurffle Day. I believe that she and her husband have their own traditions for Snurffle Day now. (We do not have a patent on Snurffle Day. Anyone may use it)!
One year we were too late. St. Nicholas had returned to the North Pole. He evidently had a new, improved, sleigh that did not fly so much as warp sped him home!
We were all ever so disappointed. Nyle excused himself to use the facilities. Several moments later I almost choked on my hot cocoa! He assured us that it was OK REAL Santa had gone home. Ghetto Santa was there to help us. Oh how I wish you could see this fabulous Santa. He had the traditional white beard, and moustache. They were made out of toilet paper. Hence the "ghetto" appellation.
Nonetheless, we were undaunted by his rather unique apparel, we took that family picture gosh darn it! That became my favorite of all the Snurffle days. I mean, come on, how many times do you get to have Ghetto Santa at your party?
After the traditional family pictorial if we became bored waiting for our tree to be shaken, bound, and tied on top of our car we would climb the stairs to a magical kingdom. In that place and space I felt like a child. Not a child AGAIN, because I never really left my first childhood! I firmly hold on to the right to be childlike. This means that I get to be truly astonished by the blinking of Christmas lights outside or on the tree. Glitering Christmas tree ornaments still give me wonder.
A few years my Mama was either living in Portland or had come up for the holidays. I had so much fun watching my 80 something Mama walk through that gift shop. As I watched her I realized who had taught by her example my childlike wonder. She too was mesmerized by the tiny Christmas villages, the ornaments of dizzyingly different sizes, shapes, and selection.
My Mom, myself, and our girls created three generations of Christmas joy! All too soon it would be time to head to the car. The car would be infused with the magical smell of evergreen. Not the tiny deodorizer evergreen that is common these days. No this was the real thing. The piquant, unique smell of a lovely hillside. It was the smell of clean air, pine sap, and happiness.
Sometimes we would stop at a store afterwards to buy those wonderful jammies. I still own a robe that we purchased for my Snurffle Day bed attire...I probably will have to put it on today!
Update: I just received a most delightful Snurffle Day surprise. One of my favorite holiday treats...Kisses that are white chocolate with little bits of peppermint candy! AWESOME!
For the rest of my life I will keep close to my heart the magic and wonder of Snurffle Day. It is a day when everything seems possible. The hardest parts of life are suspended for one entire day.
Nyle, the Snurffle Day Master passed away four years ago but he left behind two beautiful daughters who carry on his traditions. Nyle will be present, in spirit, at each and every Snurffle Day. We will hear his laughter, and relish the things he taught us.
HAPPY SNURFFLE DAY TO ALL...AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! Well, that's after Snurffle Day, you know when it gets dark and it's time to go to bed...after Snurffle day is actually over, that's when you should have a good night...okay, I will now stop rambling...
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Hard Things - Good Things?
My nephew was driving rapidly down the freeway. My niece was also there to give me moral support. Our route was right past the car accident. I should say THE car accident. The accident that my husband and two daughters had just experienced.
As we passed what was left of our daughter's car I began to sob. The car looked like metal spaghetti. I could not fathom how anyone could have survived such enormous trauma! I managed to sob out to my nephew and niece, "Don't worry, I'm OK, I just need to let out this sorrow so that I can then be strong in the hospital for my family."
As we continued hurtling rapidly down the highway an impression came into my mind. The impression was, "You are about to attend a master class on difficulties of many types, many levels. If you endure them well there will be gifts given, and lifetime lessons learned."
I didn't completely understand what that meant. When we entered the ER I could hear my husband shouting. No sound had ever been so lovely to me. Having him shout meant that he was very much alive!
Our oldest daughter was in a room with a badly broken right arm, and in shock. Our youngest daughter had been holding everything together, but when we arrived she kind of fell apart. That meant that I had three family members, in three different ER rooms. How could I be in three places at once? Our dearest nephew and niece had two children at home. They had left them in the care of Grandma. They spent their night helping me to make certain all three of my family had support at all times. We would rotate so that I could spend time with each one.
HARD? I kept telling myself, it could be SO MUCH WORSE! They're all alive...they're alive! At one point a Highway Patrol officer who had reported at the accident site came to the ER to find me. He said, "I just wanted to tell you that it's a miracle your family is alive. I reported at an identical accident last week. Every single person was dead!"
I thanked him, but was shaken by what he had told me. I also came to realize another miracle. I was supposed to be in the car with them that night. I usually sat behind Nyle in the car. Anyone behind Nyle would have been crushed. The trunk was pushed forward around Nyle, and his seat was pushed back into the trunk. I had decided at the last minute to stay home and take care of a procrastinated, and necessary errand.
The following six weeks were AGONY! My sweet husband had broken all 12 ribs on the right, punctured his lung, damaged his internal organs, broken his right arm, and right shoulder, and destroyed about 5 levels of his back. He was one giant bruise from head to foot.
Ardis and Sarah were adults. Yet every cell in my body cried out to be with them as they battled the consequences of this horrific experience. I will eternally be grateful for beloved friends that stayed with Ardis and Sarah for two weeks to make certain they were OK. They sacrificed lots of things to make time for their care of our girls.
Nyle was in horrible pain. (As you can imagine). He had many life threatening health problems before the car accident. So many that I did not dare leave him alone in the hospital. There were a couple of times that I was able to catch a mistake that the nurses almost made that would have killed him. He had one nurse that I felt comfortable enough with to actually sleep for a few hours. (I kept a foam mattress there and would stretch it out and sleep when I could).
I was overwhelmed with the support of friends and family, and our wonderful church family. When I reached critical mass, (beyond my own physical limits) many men volunteered to stay with Nyle around the clock so that I could get some rest, in my own bed, in my own home.
It seemed that anytime a need happened, a solution appeared. Our family car was very, very old. The accident was in 2009, the car had been a grand luxury car in the mid 1980's. All the luxuries were wearing out. For example, the electric windows. The windows had fallen into the track and would not come out. If I needed to drive somewhere during inclement weather, I would have to take a blanket to put over my left shoulder to keep from getting soaked.
Then we got a call from our niece. They had been about to turn in their old van to get a new van. She had felt impressed to not sell the old van. They gave it to us. To them it was an "old" van. To us it was about 20 years newer than our car. We needed a van. Nyle's mobility had been severely compromised before the accident. He had an electric scooter. Previously we had not been able to take his scooter with us (no car that would do that), and now we could.
Food mysteriously appeared on our doorstep. Money also mysteriously came to us. The outpouring of love and support was wonderful.
When Nyle came home from the hospital, it was even harder. At least at the hospital there was a nurse to help me with Nyle's care. His insurance ran out, and would not pay for in house physical therapy, so even though he NEEDED physical therapy, and care in a hospital, he had to come home.
I can't imagine how I would have managed without our angel daughters. We took turns caring for him in the night. That meant that usually we could get at least 4 hours of undisturbed rest. Often I would lie down and sleep on the floor next to Nyle's bed. (He had to have a special adjustable bed to sleep in due to his injuries, and lung disease).
The bed was another miracle. I had been crying on the shoulder one day of a dear friend. I confided that I didn't have any idea what I was going to do when Nyle came home and needed an adjustable bed. He literally could no longer breathe when he lay down in a flat bed. Also, the pain from his multiple injuries was worsened in a bed that was flat.
She said matter of factly, "We purchased an adjustable Tempurpedic bed for me. It was the best adjustable bed that we could find. I can't sleep in it. For many reasons I sleep in a reclining chair. We're going to give the bed to Nyle."
My response? "Shouldn't you speak to your husband?" Next I said, "No, we can't take that, it's too much. Unless, we might be able to pay you a little something once in awhile?"
She answered firmly, "This is the right thing to do. Nyle needs the bed, and I have the bed."
Her husband was not as quickly excited by the idea as his dear wife, but he came around. She would allow for no other possibility. She just continued to say, "This is the right thing to do...so this is going to happen."
Nyle had a rental adjustable bed that he had been using at home. We sent it back (thus ending the enormous rental bill), and men from our church group picked up the donated bed, traveled to our home, and put the bed in Nyle's room. Voila! Nyle was the proud owner of a very comfortable bed!
Some of the lessons that I learned in this fiery amalgam of experience?
1. Family and friends are the greatest blessings you can have in this world. Love, kindness, and constant support were poured out upon us as we faced this experience.
2. God was as close as a prayer. He did not take away the challenges, but he strengthened us to bear it. He also spoke peace to our souls while we struggled.
3. Our needs were met in a timely manner, and often in a miraculous fashion!
4. I love Nyle...forever...and for always. I loved him before the car accident. Having him almost taken away reminded me how much I loved him!
5. We have two amazing daughters. They came to the hospital everyday and spent hours lifting their Father's spirits, this even though both of them were still struggling with pain issues of their own. They did everything they could to support their parents with great love and humor.
There were so many gifts, lessons, and love that helped us through this almost indefinably hard time. My list up above just barely scratches the surface!
I would NEVER wish to experience anything like that, ever again! Yet I am grateful for the gifts of love that we received, and the lessons that I learned during this experience. Was this hard? Of course it was. On the other hand, hard does not always mean bad!
As we passed what was left of our daughter's car I began to sob. The car looked like metal spaghetti. I could not fathom how anyone could have survived such enormous trauma! I managed to sob out to my nephew and niece, "Don't worry, I'm OK, I just need to let out this sorrow so that I can then be strong in the hospital for my family."
As we continued hurtling rapidly down the highway an impression came into my mind. The impression was, "You are about to attend a master class on difficulties of many types, many levels. If you endure them well there will be gifts given, and lifetime lessons learned."
I didn't completely understand what that meant. When we entered the ER I could hear my husband shouting. No sound had ever been so lovely to me. Having him shout meant that he was very much alive!
Our oldest daughter was in a room with a badly broken right arm, and in shock. Our youngest daughter had been holding everything together, but when we arrived she kind of fell apart. That meant that I had three family members, in three different ER rooms. How could I be in three places at once? Our dearest nephew and niece had two children at home. They had left them in the care of Grandma. They spent their night helping me to make certain all three of my family had support at all times. We would rotate so that I could spend time with each one.
HARD? I kept telling myself, it could be SO MUCH WORSE! They're all alive...they're alive! At one point a Highway Patrol officer who had reported at the accident site came to the ER to find me. He said, "I just wanted to tell you that it's a miracle your family is alive. I reported at an identical accident last week. Every single person was dead!"
I thanked him, but was shaken by what he had told me. I also came to realize another miracle. I was supposed to be in the car with them that night. I usually sat behind Nyle in the car. Anyone behind Nyle would have been crushed. The trunk was pushed forward around Nyle, and his seat was pushed back into the trunk. I had decided at the last minute to stay home and take care of a procrastinated, and necessary errand.
The following six weeks were AGONY! My sweet husband had broken all 12 ribs on the right, punctured his lung, damaged his internal organs, broken his right arm, and right shoulder, and destroyed about 5 levels of his back. He was one giant bruise from head to foot.
Ardis and Sarah were adults. Yet every cell in my body cried out to be with them as they battled the consequences of this horrific experience. I will eternally be grateful for beloved friends that stayed with Ardis and Sarah for two weeks to make certain they were OK. They sacrificed lots of things to make time for their care of our girls.
Nyle was in horrible pain. (As you can imagine). He had many life threatening health problems before the car accident. So many that I did not dare leave him alone in the hospital. There were a couple of times that I was able to catch a mistake that the nurses almost made that would have killed him. He had one nurse that I felt comfortable enough with to actually sleep for a few hours. (I kept a foam mattress there and would stretch it out and sleep when I could).
I was overwhelmed with the support of friends and family, and our wonderful church family. When I reached critical mass, (beyond my own physical limits) many men volunteered to stay with Nyle around the clock so that I could get some rest, in my own bed, in my own home.
It seemed that anytime a need happened, a solution appeared. Our family car was very, very old. The accident was in 2009, the car had been a grand luxury car in the mid 1980's. All the luxuries were wearing out. For example, the electric windows. The windows had fallen into the track and would not come out. If I needed to drive somewhere during inclement weather, I would have to take a blanket to put over my left shoulder to keep from getting soaked.
Then we got a call from our niece. They had been about to turn in their old van to get a new van. She had felt impressed to not sell the old van. They gave it to us. To them it was an "old" van. To us it was about 20 years newer than our car. We needed a van. Nyle's mobility had been severely compromised before the accident. He had an electric scooter. Previously we had not been able to take his scooter with us (no car that would do that), and now we could.
Food mysteriously appeared on our doorstep. Money also mysteriously came to us. The outpouring of love and support was wonderful.
When Nyle came home from the hospital, it was even harder. At least at the hospital there was a nurse to help me with Nyle's care. His insurance ran out, and would not pay for in house physical therapy, so even though he NEEDED physical therapy, and care in a hospital, he had to come home.
I can't imagine how I would have managed without our angel daughters. We took turns caring for him in the night. That meant that usually we could get at least 4 hours of undisturbed rest. Often I would lie down and sleep on the floor next to Nyle's bed. (He had to have a special adjustable bed to sleep in due to his injuries, and lung disease).
The bed was another miracle. I had been crying on the shoulder one day of a dear friend. I confided that I didn't have any idea what I was going to do when Nyle came home and needed an adjustable bed. He literally could no longer breathe when he lay down in a flat bed. Also, the pain from his multiple injuries was worsened in a bed that was flat.
She said matter of factly, "We purchased an adjustable Tempurpedic bed for me. It was the best adjustable bed that we could find. I can't sleep in it. For many reasons I sleep in a reclining chair. We're going to give the bed to Nyle."
My response? "Shouldn't you speak to your husband?" Next I said, "No, we can't take that, it's too much. Unless, we might be able to pay you a little something once in awhile?"
She answered firmly, "This is the right thing to do. Nyle needs the bed, and I have the bed."
Her husband was not as quickly excited by the idea as his dear wife, but he came around. She would allow for no other possibility. She just continued to say, "This is the right thing to do...so this is going to happen."
Nyle had a rental adjustable bed that he had been using at home. We sent it back (thus ending the enormous rental bill), and men from our church group picked up the donated bed, traveled to our home, and put the bed in Nyle's room. Voila! Nyle was the proud owner of a very comfortable bed!
Some of the lessons that I learned in this fiery amalgam of experience?
1. Family and friends are the greatest blessings you can have in this world. Love, kindness, and constant support were poured out upon us as we faced this experience.
2. God was as close as a prayer. He did not take away the challenges, but he strengthened us to bear it. He also spoke peace to our souls while we struggled.
3. Our needs were met in a timely manner, and often in a miraculous fashion!
4. I love Nyle...forever...and for always. I loved him before the car accident. Having him almost taken away reminded me how much I loved him!
5. We have two amazing daughters. They came to the hospital everyday and spent hours lifting their Father's spirits, this even though both of them were still struggling with pain issues of their own. They did everything they could to support their parents with great love and humor.
There were so many gifts, lessons, and love that helped us through this almost indefinably hard time. My list up above just barely scratches the surface!
I would NEVER wish to experience anything like that, ever again! Yet I am grateful for the gifts of love that we received, and the lessons that I learned during this experience. Was this hard? Of course it was. On the other hand, hard does not always mean bad!
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