Oh the day was filled with wondrous activity. In one day we bought pajamas for the girls, then went to a Christmas tree farm. When we got home we decorated the house for Christmas. That is the bare bones of Snurffle Day. Let me enlarge that framework.
The holiday started as a Nyle B. Smith production. He would go and get a license from some small town in central Utah. Then he would take our four wheel vehicle up into the mountains and find THE perfect tree!
I would stay home with the girlies, or we would go out and purchase new jammies for them. We would all be buzzing with anticipation as we knew that our Christmas tree would soon be at home.
It was Nyle that gave it an official name. I believe I asked him, "We should have a name for this day." He did not even hesitate. He said, "Snurffle Day." I said, "Perfect!"
Over the years the day continued to evolve. Living in Portland we had very close access to all the Christmas trees that we could ever want! No more licenses and mountain climbing for a tree. We found a lovely Christmas tree farm that was about 20 minutes out from our home. We would ride in a van up to the hill, then we would peruse acres of beautiful Christmas trees before we made our choice. In typical fashion, the girls would chose one and then say, "Oh look, there's a better tree down there!" Then off they would sprint, adrenaline powered by Snurffle Day excitement.
I did not usually mind the chase for the tree. Well except when it was raining so hard that it was like a lake fell out of the sky. Then I was eager to find that dang tree, have them chop it down, and get us down to the cafe, gift shop and dry warmth! NOW!
More often, it would be a perfect autumn fading into winter type of day. The hill that we chose our tree from dropped back on each side. On the top of that ridge, I felt like a Queen perusing her kingdom. Acres, and acres of evergreens dropped into a valley with quaint farmhouses and barns in the valley below.
Sometimes it seemed as though low lying clouds would get tangled in all the trees. When that happened it was a completely different sort of scene. Then I felt we were walking through or maybe on top of the clouds.
After we chose the perfect tree, we had to wait for a tree chopper to come by to chop said tree down. Then we had to wait a little longer for a van to drive us back to the cafe/gift shop. Free hot cocoa was served there.
Most years, Santa would be there waiting to hear the wishes of all the boyzus and girlzus. Sarah was TERRIFIED of the Jolly Old Elf. We have a few pictures taken where Santa is holding her, and she screaming at the top of her lungs! It was only for a couple of moments, and she has not needed therapy to overcome the trauma!
Each year we, the entire family, would have our picture taken with the jolly old chap! It's so much fun to look at all the pictures taken over the years. Our youngest daughter never did feel positively about Santa. I guess I can understand, I mean, apparently this man is hundreds of years old and lives at the North pole? It did not help when we went shopping and she saw Santa's all over the place at the same time. (We explained that Santa had LOTS of helpers). That seemed to calm Sarah a bit. She just never appreciated sitting anywhere close to a man with an obviously fake beard. Sitting on Santa's lap? Never an option! In this era of "Stranger danger." I get it.
There are several years when our beloved neighborhood daughter was also in the picture. She brought us great joy. I loved having a fresh new perspective on Snurffle Day. I believe that she and her husband have their own traditions for Snurffle Day now. (We do not have a patent on Snurffle Day. Anyone may use it)!
One year we were too late. St. Nicholas had returned to the North Pole. He evidently had a new, improved, sleigh that did not fly so much as warp sped him home!
We were all ever so disappointed. Nyle excused himself to use the facilities. Several moments later I almost choked on my hot cocoa! He assured us that it was OK REAL Santa had gone home. Ghetto Santa was there to help us. Oh how I wish you could see this fabulous Santa. He had the traditional white beard, and moustache. They were made out of toilet paper. Hence the "ghetto" appellation.
Nonetheless, we were undaunted by his rather unique apparel, we took that family picture gosh darn it! That became my favorite of all the Snurffle days. I mean, come on, how many times do you get to have Ghetto Santa at your party?
After the traditional family pictorial if we became bored waiting for our tree to be shaken, bound, and tied on top of our car we would climb the stairs to a magical kingdom. In that place and space I felt like a child. Not a child AGAIN, because I never really left my first childhood! I firmly hold on to the right to be childlike. This means that I get to be truly astonished by the blinking of Christmas lights outside or on the tree. Glitering Christmas tree ornaments still give me wonder.
A few years my Mama was either living in Portland or had come up for the holidays. I had so much fun watching my 80 something Mama walk through that gift shop. As I watched her I realized who had taught by her example my childlike wonder. She too was mesmerized by the tiny Christmas villages, the ornaments of dizzyingly different sizes, shapes, and selection.
My Mom, myself, and our girls created three generations of Christmas joy! All too soon it would be time to head to the car. The car would be infused with the magical smell of evergreen. Not the tiny deodorizer evergreen that is common these days. No this was the real thing. The piquant, unique smell of a lovely hillside. It was the smell of clean air, pine sap, and happiness.
Sometimes we would stop at a store afterwards to buy those wonderful jammies. I still own a robe that we purchased for my Snurffle Day bed attire...I probably will have to put it on today!
Update: I just received a most delightful Snurffle Day surprise. One of my favorite holiday treats...Kisses that are white chocolate with little bits of peppermint candy! AWESOME!
For the rest of my life I will keep close to my heart the magic and wonder of Snurffle Day. It is a day when everything seems possible. The hardest parts of life are suspended for one entire day.
Nyle, the Snurffle Day Master passed away four years ago but he left behind two beautiful daughters who carry on his traditions. Nyle will be present, in spirit, at each and every Snurffle Day. We will hear his laughter, and relish the things he taught us.
HAPPY SNURFFLE DAY TO ALL...AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! Well, that's after Snurffle Day, you know when it gets dark and it's time to go to bed...after Snurffle day is actually over, that's when you should have a good night...okay, I will now stop rambling...
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass....it's about learning to dance in the rain!
Friday, November 27, 2015
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Hard Things - Good Things?
My nephew was driving rapidly down the freeway. My niece was also there to give me moral support. Our route was right past the car accident. I should say THE car accident. The accident that my husband and two daughters had just experienced.
As we passed what was left of our daughter's car I began to sob. The car looked like metal spaghetti. I could not fathom how anyone could have survived such enormous trauma! I managed to sob out to my nephew and niece, "Don't worry, I'm OK, I just need to let out this sorrow so that I can then be strong in the hospital for my family."
As we continued hurtling rapidly down the highway an impression came into my mind. The impression was, "You are about to attend a master class on difficulties of many types, many levels. If you endure them well there will be gifts given, and lifetime lessons learned."
I didn't completely understand what that meant. When we entered the ER I could hear my husband shouting. No sound had ever been so lovely to me. Having him shout meant that he was very much alive!
Our oldest daughter was in a room with a badly broken right arm, and in shock. Our youngest daughter had been holding everything together, but when we arrived she kind of fell apart. That meant that I had three family members, in three different ER rooms. How could I be in three places at once? Our dearest nephew and niece had two children at home. They had left them in the care of Grandma. They spent their night helping me to make certain all three of my family had support at all times. We would rotate so that I could spend time with each one.
HARD? I kept telling myself, it could be SO MUCH WORSE! They're all alive...they're alive! At one point a Highway Patrol officer who had reported at the accident site came to the ER to find me. He said, "I just wanted to tell you that it's a miracle your family is alive. I reported at an identical accident last week. Every single person was dead!"
I thanked him, but was shaken by what he had told me. I also came to realize another miracle. I was supposed to be in the car with them that night. I usually sat behind Nyle in the car. Anyone behind Nyle would have been crushed. The trunk was pushed forward around Nyle, and his seat was pushed back into the trunk. I had decided at the last minute to stay home and take care of a procrastinated, and necessary errand.
The following six weeks were AGONY! My sweet husband had broken all 12 ribs on the right, punctured his lung, damaged his internal organs, broken his right arm, and right shoulder, and destroyed about 5 levels of his back. He was one giant bruise from head to foot.
Ardis and Sarah were adults. Yet every cell in my body cried out to be with them as they battled the consequences of this horrific experience. I will eternally be grateful for beloved friends that stayed with Ardis and Sarah for two weeks to make certain they were OK. They sacrificed lots of things to make time for their care of our girls.
Nyle was in horrible pain. (As you can imagine). He had many life threatening health problems before the car accident. So many that I did not dare leave him alone in the hospital. There were a couple of times that I was able to catch a mistake that the nurses almost made that would have killed him. He had one nurse that I felt comfortable enough with to actually sleep for a few hours. (I kept a foam mattress there and would stretch it out and sleep when I could).
I was overwhelmed with the support of friends and family, and our wonderful church family. When I reached critical mass, (beyond my own physical limits) many men volunteered to stay with Nyle around the clock so that I could get some rest, in my own bed, in my own home.
It seemed that anytime a need happened, a solution appeared. Our family car was very, very old. The accident was in 2009, the car had been a grand luxury car in the mid 1980's. All the luxuries were wearing out. For example, the electric windows. The windows had fallen into the track and would not come out. If I needed to drive somewhere during inclement weather, I would have to take a blanket to put over my left shoulder to keep from getting soaked.
Then we got a call from our niece. They had been about to turn in their old van to get a new van. She had felt impressed to not sell the old van. They gave it to us. To them it was an "old" van. To us it was about 20 years newer than our car. We needed a van. Nyle's mobility had been severely compromised before the accident. He had an electric scooter. Previously we had not been able to take his scooter with us (no car that would do that), and now we could.
Food mysteriously appeared on our doorstep. Money also mysteriously came to us. The outpouring of love and support was wonderful.
When Nyle came home from the hospital, it was even harder. At least at the hospital there was a nurse to help me with Nyle's care. His insurance ran out, and would not pay for in house physical therapy, so even though he NEEDED physical therapy, and care in a hospital, he had to come home.
I can't imagine how I would have managed without our angel daughters. We took turns caring for him in the night. That meant that usually we could get at least 4 hours of undisturbed rest. Often I would lie down and sleep on the floor next to Nyle's bed. (He had to have a special adjustable bed to sleep in due to his injuries, and lung disease).
The bed was another miracle. I had been crying on the shoulder one day of a dear friend. I confided that I didn't have any idea what I was going to do when Nyle came home and needed an adjustable bed. He literally could no longer breathe when he lay down in a flat bed. Also, the pain from his multiple injuries was worsened in a bed that was flat.
She said matter of factly, "We purchased an adjustable Tempurpedic bed for me. It was the best adjustable bed that we could find. I can't sleep in it. For many reasons I sleep in a reclining chair. We're going to give the bed to Nyle."
My response? "Shouldn't you speak to your husband?" Next I said, "No, we can't take that, it's too much. Unless, we might be able to pay you a little something once in awhile?"
She answered firmly, "This is the right thing to do. Nyle needs the bed, and I have the bed."
Her husband was not as quickly excited by the idea as his dear wife, but he came around. She would allow for no other possibility. She just continued to say, "This is the right thing to do...so this is going to happen."
Nyle had a rental adjustable bed that he had been using at home. We sent it back (thus ending the enormous rental bill), and men from our church group picked up the donated bed, traveled to our home, and put the bed in Nyle's room. Voila! Nyle was the proud owner of a very comfortable bed!
Some of the lessons that I learned in this fiery amalgam of experience?
1. Family and friends are the greatest blessings you can have in this world. Love, kindness, and constant support were poured out upon us as we faced this experience.
2. God was as close as a prayer. He did not take away the challenges, but he strengthened us to bear it. He also spoke peace to our souls while we struggled.
3. Our needs were met in a timely manner, and often in a miraculous fashion!
4. I love Nyle...forever...and for always. I loved him before the car accident. Having him almost taken away reminded me how much I loved him!
5. We have two amazing daughters. They came to the hospital everyday and spent hours lifting their Father's spirits, this even though both of them were still struggling with pain issues of their own. They did everything they could to support their parents with great love and humor.
There were so many gifts, lessons, and love that helped us through this almost indefinably hard time. My list up above just barely scratches the surface!
I would NEVER wish to experience anything like that, ever again! Yet I am grateful for the gifts of love that we received, and the lessons that I learned during this experience. Was this hard? Of course it was. On the other hand, hard does not always mean bad!
As we passed what was left of our daughter's car I began to sob. The car looked like metal spaghetti. I could not fathom how anyone could have survived such enormous trauma! I managed to sob out to my nephew and niece, "Don't worry, I'm OK, I just need to let out this sorrow so that I can then be strong in the hospital for my family."
As we continued hurtling rapidly down the highway an impression came into my mind. The impression was, "You are about to attend a master class on difficulties of many types, many levels. If you endure them well there will be gifts given, and lifetime lessons learned."
I didn't completely understand what that meant. When we entered the ER I could hear my husband shouting. No sound had ever been so lovely to me. Having him shout meant that he was very much alive!
Our oldest daughter was in a room with a badly broken right arm, and in shock. Our youngest daughter had been holding everything together, but when we arrived she kind of fell apart. That meant that I had three family members, in three different ER rooms. How could I be in three places at once? Our dearest nephew and niece had two children at home. They had left them in the care of Grandma. They spent their night helping me to make certain all three of my family had support at all times. We would rotate so that I could spend time with each one.
HARD? I kept telling myself, it could be SO MUCH WORSE! They're all alive...they're alive! At one point a Highway Patrol officer who had reported at the accident site came to the ER to find me. He said, "I just wanted to tell you that it's a miracle your family is alive. I reported at an identical accident last week. Every single person was dead!"
I thanked him, but was shaken by what he had told me. I also came to realize another miracle. I was supposed to be in the car with them that night. I usually sat behind Nyle in the car. Anyone behind Nyle would have been crushed. The trunk was pushed forward around Nyle, and his seat was pushed back into the trunk. I had decided at the last minute to stay home and take care of a procrastinated, and necessary errand.
The following six weeks were AGONY! My sweet husband had broken all 12 ribs on the right, punctured his lung, damaged his internal organs, broken his right arm, and right shoulder, and destroyed about 5 levels of his back. He was one giant bruise from head to foot.
Ardis and Sarah were adults. Yet every cell in my body cried out to be with them as they battled the consequences of this horrific experience. I will eternally be grateful for beloved friends that stayed with Ardis and Sarah for two weeks to make certain they were OK. They sacrificed lots of things to make time for their care of our girls.
Nyle was in horrible pain. (As you can imagine). He had many life threatening health problems before the car accident. So many that I did not dare leave him alone in the hospital. There were a couple of times that I was able to catch a mistake that the nurses almost made that would have killed him. He had one nurse that I felt comfortable enough with to actually sleep for a few hours. (I kept a foam mattress there and would stretch it out and sleep when I could).
I was overwhelmed with the support of friends and family, and our wonderful church family. When I reached critical mass, (beyond my own physical limits) many men volunteered to stay with Nyle around the clock so that I could get some rest, in my own bed, in my own home.
It seemed that anytime a need happened, a solution appeared. Our family car was very, very old. The accident was in 2009, the car had been a grand luxury car in the mid 1980's. All the luxuries were wearing out. For example, the electric windows. The windows had fallen into the track and would not come out. If I needed to drive somewhere during inclement weather, I would have to take a blanket to put over my left shoulder to keep from getting soaked.
Then we got a call from our niece. They had been about to turn in their old van to get a new van. She had felt impressed to not sell the old van. They gave it to us. To them it was an "old" van. To us it was about 20 years newer than our car. We needed a van. Nyle's mobility had been severely compromised before the accident. He had an electric scooter. Previously we had not been able to take his scooter with us (no car that would do that), and now we could.
Food mysteriously appeared on our doorstep. Money also mysteriously came to us. The outpouring of love and support was wonderful.
When Nyle came home from the hospital, it was even harder. At least at the hospital there was a nurse to help me with Nyle's care. His insurance ran out, and would not pay for in house physical therapy, so even though he NEEDED physical therapy, and care in a hospital, he had to come home.
I can't imagine how I would have managed without our angel daughters. We took turns caring for him in the night. That meant that usually we could get at least 4 hours of undisturbed rest. Often I would lie down and sleep on the floor next to Nyle's bed. (He had to have a special adjustable bed to sleep in due to his injuries, and lung disease).
The bed was another miracle. I had been crying on the shoulder one day of a dear friend. I confided that I didn't have any idea what I was going to do when Nyle came home and needed an adjustable bed. He literally could no longer breathe when he lay down in a flat bed. Also, the pain from his multiple injuries was worsened in a bed that was flat.
She said matter of factly, "We purchased an adjustable Tempurpedic bed for me. It was the best adjustable bed that we could find. I can't sleep in it. For many reasons I sleep in a reclining chair. We're going to give the bed to Nyle."
My response? "Shouldn't you speak to your husband?" Next I said, "No, we can't take that, it's too much. Unless, we might be able to pay you a little something once in awhile?"
She answered firmly, "This is the right thing to do. Nyle needs the bed, and I have the bed."
Her husband was not as quickly excited by the idea as his dear wife, but he came around. She would allow for no other possibility. She just continued to say, "This is the right thing to do...so this is going to happen."
Nyle had a rental adjustable bed that he had been using at home. We sent it back (thus ending the enormous rental bill), and men from our church group picked up the donated bed, traveled to our home, and put the bed in Nyle's room. Voila! Nyle was the proud owner of a very comfortable bed!
Some of the lessons that I learned in this fiery amalgam of experience?
1. Family and friends are the greatest blessings you can have in this world. Love, kindness, and constant support were poured out upon us as we faced this experience.
2. God was as close as a prayer. He did not take away the challenges, but he strengthened us to bear it. He also spoke peace to our souls while we struggled.
3. Our needs were met in a timely manner, and often in a miraculous fashion!
4. I love Nyle...forever...and for always. I loved him before the car accident. Having him almost taken away reminded me how much I loved him!
5. We have two amazing daughters. They came to the hospital everyday and spent hours lifting their Father's spirits, this even though both of them were still struggling with pain issues of their own. They did everything they could to support their parents with great love and humor.
There were so many gifts, lessons, and love that helped us through this almost indefinably hard time. My list up above just barely scratches the surface!
I would NEVER wish to experience anything like that, ever again! Yet I am grateful for the gifts of love that we received, and the lessons that I learned during this experience. Was this hard? Of course it was. On the other hand, hard does not always mean bad!
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Bambi Sings to Bingo
During our dating, Nyle and I made fun of silly people that were in love and calling each other foolish nicknames. You know, like Snoogybuns, or Booie, (Nyle rented a room from a couple for the first year of their marriage. They called him Baby Booie)! lol
When we married, we started calling each other silly names as a joke. OOOPS! Poor idea as so many of them stuck. Some where based on parts of Nyle's name...Nybrith, Nylie, Nyleanator, etc.
He pretty much just called me honey, honey bunny, or honeybunch. Nobody told us that those names would stick and be repeated for 27 years of marriage.
Nyle came to our marriage with MANY nicknames all ready. His beloved nephew called him Nagoo Nyoo. Apparently that name happened when the nephew was too young to say Uncle Nyle.
In his family of boys, each had a nickname that rhymed with their first name. Nyle's was Nyle the Pyle! He, for obvious reasons, did not care for THIS nickname. His family also called him "Dunky Doll," because he was admittedly one of the cutest little boys imaginable.
Nyle burdened himself with the nickname Bingo. He played a tiny role, in a tiny play, in a tiny theater at his college. Nyle was an ACTOR! He was very proud of his chops as an actor and rightly so! He was so embarrassed to be in this play, (with a tiny part) which his professor/friend had bribed him to be in, that he put his name on the program as BINGO SMITH. That backfired....big time! Imagine his surprise when he received an extremely prestigious nomination in college acting circles. The "Irene Ryan Award." Some of you may remember the actress as Granny Clampett in the show, "The Beverley Hillbillies."
Actually, NYLE Smith did NOT receive the nomination. You guessed it, BINGO Smith received the nomination. The nickname stuck. Many dear friends remember him with that name.
Bambi? Nyle and I faced many, MANY health crises in our life together. We developed a "gallows humor," approach to living with the distinct possibility of death. Between the two of us we faced cancer (both of us), Diabetes (Nyle), and many, many other life threatening illnesses. So we would joke back and forth, "If I die, I want you to remarry." He said it to me so many times I finally said, "Fine. If you die, I'll remarry. I won't remarry somebody wonderful because NOBODY could be as wonderful as YOU! So, I'll marry a Stupid Stud named Steve!" (Obviously we liked alliteration, but wait here comes the rest). He countered with, "I'll marry a Blond Bimbo named Bambi."
Somehow, someway, Bambi became one of MY nicknames. On a business trip, he sent me a postcard. It was a picture of three, extremely attractive, brawny, ripped, and tan, men. The postcard read, "Bambi, Heard the old man's out of town. We should get together, signed, Steve, Steve, and Steve."
We adored to sing together. One Karaoke night, Nyle excused himself. I was chatting with our other friends at the table. Suddenly I hear the DJ announce, "Now we'll hear a musical number from Bambi and Bingo." I looked up, and Nyle was standing by the DJ beckoning for me to join them. Of course, I did.
Nyle DID die before me, THE STINKER! I will NOT be dating or marrying any Steve's. I WILL be carrying on the best of the love we shared, and looking forward to being reunited with him in the world beyond this life.
I could NOT sing or speak at his funeral. I was numb, faced with the reality of endless days and nights without my love. In my mind I promised him that I WOULD sing a concert for him, and about our love and marriage. This coming Friday, I will meet that goal. I am also writing a book, "Happy Not Crappy," that is based on the true story of our courtship, romance, and marriage. Please watch for that book.
When we married, we started calling each other silly names as a joke. OOOPS! Poor idea as so many of them stuck. Some where based on parts of Nyle's name...Nybrith, Nylie, Nyleanator, etc.
He pretty much just called me honey, honey bunny, or honeybunch. Nobody told us that those names would stick and be repeated for 27 years of marriage.
Nyle came to our marriage with MANY nicknames all ready. His beloved nephew called him Nagoo Nyoo. Apparently that name happened when the nephew was too young to say Uncle Nyle.
In his family of boys, each had a nickname that rhymed with their first name. Nyle's was Nyle the Pyle! He, for obvious reasons, did not care for THIS nickname. His family also called him "Dunky Doll," because he was admittedly one of the cutest little boys imaginable.
Nyle burdened himself with the nickname Bingo. He played a tiny role, in a tiny play, in a tiny theater at his college. Nyle was an ACTOR! He was very proud of his chops as an actor and rightly so! He was so embarrassed to be in this play, (with a tiny part) which his professor/friend had bribed him to be in, that he put his name on the program as BINGO SMITH. That backfired....big time! Imagine his surprise when he received an extremely prestigious nomination in college acting circles. The "Irene Ryan Award." Some of you may remember the actress as Granny Clampett in the show, "The Beverley Hillbillies."
Actually, NYLE Smith did NOT receive the nomination. You guessed it, BINGO Smith received the nomination. The nickname stuck. Many dear friends remember him with that name.
Bambi? Nyle and I faced many, MANY health crises in our life together. We developed a "gallows humor," approach to living with the distinct possibility of death. Between the two of us we faced cancer (both of us), Diabetes (Nyle), and many, many other life threatening illnesses. So we would joke back and forth, "If I die, I want you to remarry." He said it to me so many times I finally said, "Fine. If you die, I'll remarry. I won't remarry somebody wonderful because NOBODY could be as wonderful as YOU! So, I'll marry a Stupid Stud named Steve!" (Obviously we liked alliteration, but wait here comes the rest). He countered with, "I'll marry a Blond Bimbo named Bambi."
Somehow, someway, Bambi became one of MY nicknames. On a business trip, he sent me a postcard. It was a picture of three, extremely attractive, brawny, ripped, and tan, men. The postcard read, "Bambi, Heard the old man's out of town. We should get together, signed, Steve, Steve, and Steve."
We adored to sing together. One Karaoke night, Nyle excused himself. I was chatting with our other friends at the table. Suddenly I hear the DJ announce, "Now we'll hear a musical number from Bambi and Bingo." I looked up, and Nyle was standing by the DJ beckoning for me to join them. Of course, I did.
Nyle DID die before me, THE STINKER! I will NOT be dating or marrying any Steve's. I WILL be carrying on the best of the love we shared, and looking forward to being reunited with him in the world beyond this life.
I could NOT sing or speak at his funeral. I was numb, faced with the reality of endless days and nights without my love. In my mind I promised him that I WOULD sing a concert for him, and about our love and marriage. This coming Friday, I will meet that goal. I am also writing a book, "Happy Not Crappy," that is based on the true story of our courtship, romance, and marriage. Please watch for that book.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Hero/Heroine? Hero/Shero
I wonder who in the history of our language decided that the female version of a hero should be a heroine? That is the name of a drug. Why would a heroic action performed by a female be called the name of a drug?
Actually if you look at the work HERO you can see evidence that the word itself referred to heroic females. HER O...spoken in the inflection Her OOOOOOHHHH!
Hero and Shero seem like a better choice to me. I would never wish to be called the name of drug for performing acts of service. I've heard people use the term hero for both male and female. I believe that makes some sense. If you need to be reminded, check the paragraph above.
This last week our youngest daughter had "Hero Day," at the school where she teaches 5th grade. It made me think about the heros, and sheros of my life. I have so very many, grandparents, parents, my beloved husband, but especially our two daughters.
When Nyle died, his income died with him. That left me attempting to pay all of our bills on my Social Security Disability Income. That teeny amount did not even begin to pay the monthly bills.
Our youngest daughter worked at a part-time job that she really did not enjoy. It earned money. So she stuck with it.
Not long after our oldest daughter got a job. They both stuck by me as we attempted to find a "New normal." I moved, and then we got smart and realized that having all three of us share the expenses of a home made the most sense.
That is not all our girls do. They watch over me and my physical challenges with great love and patience. They pay the bills and keep an eye on expenses. They cook and shop. They make me laugh. They are patient with me when I chatter like a magpie.
Our girls are one of the very greatest blessings in my life. They ARE my SHEROES! I want them to know that I recognize this about them!
Actually if you look at the work HERO you can see evidence that the word itself referred to heroic females. HER O...spoken in the inflection Her OOOOOOHHHH!
Hero and Shero seem like a better choice to me. I would never wish to be called the name of drug for performing acts of service. I've heard people use the term hero for both male and female. I believe that makes some sense. If you need to be reminded, check the paragraph above.
This last week our youngest daughter had "Hero Day," at the school where she teaches 5th grade. It made me think about the heros, and sheros of my life. I have so very many, grandparents, parents, my beloved husband, but especially our two daughters.
When Nyle died, his income died with him. That left me attempting to pay all of our bills on my Social Security Disability Income. That teeny amount did not even begin to pay the monthly bills.
Our youngest daughter worked at a part-time job that she really did not enjoy. It earned money. So she stuck with it.
Not long after our oldest daughter got a job. They both stuck by me as we attempted to find a "New normal." I moved, and then we got smart and realized that having all three of us share the expenses of a home made the most sense.
That is not all our girls do. They watch over me and my physical challenges with great love and patience. They pay the bills and keep an eye on expenses. They cook and shop. They make me laugh. They are patient with me when I chatter like a magpie.
Our girls are one of the very greatest blessings in my life. They ARE my SHEROES! I want them to know that I recognize this about them!
Happy Birthday to Ardis the Great(est) Daughter!!
The doctor said, "It's a girl!" Nyle said, "How can you tell? All you can see is the babies head?"
The doctor said, "This baby has very feminine features. "I'm almost always right! about gender!"
Sure enough the baby DID have feminine features. She was beautiful from the first moment she drew air. Her hair was thick and black. Her eyes were a deep sky blue. I was ever so excited about her eyes. I thought she would have eyes the color of her Father's. I was a bit disappointed when her blue eyes turned golden brown. The disappointment didn't last. She has the same golden-brown eyes as MY Father.
Any place that we took baby Ardis she drew attention. People raved and ranted over her lovely features, and her amazing hair. We were surprised and amused at how many people told us that her hair WOULD fall out, and then grow back in. I imagine they were trying to be kind in warning us. Ardis' hair NEVER fell out. It just got longer, and longer. It was to her waist by the time she was three years old.
Ardis was a very easy baby. If she fussed you KNEW that something was wrong. For example, one night she cried, cried, and cried. We took her to the ER about 3 a.m. They discovered that she had a terrible ear infection.
From the first, Ardis was always good at self-comforting. Feed her, change her, give her a playpen, toys, and she would be happy for hours.
When I was pregnant with Ardis her Papa listened to some pretty rowdy music as "white noise." He was a very light sleeper but the music seemed to help him relax.
It had the opposite affect on me. I wanted to get up and dance to the music. After he went to sleep I would turn off the music and I would go to sleep.
When Ardis was about a month old I was trying to rock her to sleep one night. She could not seem to calm herself and go to sleep. She wasn't fussy, but she wasn't sleepy either. I put on some calm Barry Manilow music. That seemed to make her fussier.
Then I thought about Nyle's crazy bedtime music. I put on one of his cassettes and she was asleep in minutes. I do think that she eventually grew out of listening to loud music at bedtime, thank goodness.
Today is the 29th anniversary of Ardis' birth. I don't believe that we had any concept of the great things that she would accomplish. She was Valedictorian of the History Department at Brigham Young University. She went to London Study Abroad as part of her undergraduate work, and then also attended a term at Cambridge as part of a student transfer program. She then earned her Master's at Cambridge University.
Ardis volunteered with the Model United Nations program at BYU, and then at a National Level. She has helped teach students from all around the world about the Democratic Process of the United Nations. In this work she has elevated the lives of hundreds of young people.
Ardis has always been a deeply loving daughter. As parents we have always been hugely blessed by Ardis. She has helped us to reach higher in life, and to reach out more to others with love. Thanks RDK for being such an amazing human being. We love you!
The doctor said, "This baby has very feminine features. "I'm almost always right! about gender!"
Sure enough the baby DID have feminine features. She was beautiful from the first moment she drew air. Her hair was thick and black. Her eyes were a deep sky blue. I was ever so excited about her eyes. I thought she would have eyes the color of her Father's. I was a bit disappointed when her blue eyes turned golden brown. The disappointment didn't last. She has the same golden-brown eyes as MY Father.
Any place that we took baby Ardis she drew attention. People raved and ranted over her lovely features, and her amazing hair. We were surprised and amused at how many people told us that her hair WOULD fall out, and then grow back in. I imagine they were trying to be kind in warning us. Ardis' hair NEVER fell out. It just got longer, and longer. It was to her waist by the time she was three years old.
Ardis was a very easy baby. If she fussed you KNEW that something was wrong. For example, one night she cried, cried, and cried. We took her to the ER about 3 a.m. They discovered that she had a terrible ear infection.
From the first, Ardis was always good at self-comforting. Feed her, change her, give her a playpen, toys, and she would be happy for hours.
When I was pregnant with Ardis her Papa listened to some pretty rowdy music as "white noise." He was a very light sleeper but the music seemed to help him relax.
It had the opposite affect on me. I wanted to get up and dance to the music. After he went to sleep I would turn off the music and I would go to sleep.
When Ardis was about a month old I was trying to rock her to sleep one night. She could not seem to calm herself and go to sleep. She wasn't fussy, but she wasn't sleepy either. I put on some calm Barry Manilow music. That seemed to make her fussier.
Then I thought about Nyle's crazy bedtime music. I put on one of his cassettes and she was asleep in minutes. I do think that she eventually grew out of listening to loud music at bedtime, thank goodness.
Today is the 29th anniversary of Ardis' birth. I don't believe that we had any concept of the great things that she would accomplish. She was Valedictorian of the History Department at Brigham Young University. She went to London Study Abroad as part of her undergraduate work, and then also attended a term at Cambridge as part of a student transfer program. She then earned her Master's at Cambridge University.
Ardis volunteered with the Model United Nations program at BYU, and then at a National Level. She has helped teach students from all around the world about the Democratic Process of the United Nations. In this work she has elevated the lives of hundreds of young people.
Ardis has always been a deeply loving daughter. As parents we have always been hugely blessed by Ardis. She has helped us to reach higher in life, and to reach out more to others with love. Thanks RDK for being such an amazing human being. We love you!
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
The Sun is Shining
It always amazes me how good it makes me feel to open my eyes and see sunshine. Living in a desert climate I'm grateful for the brilliant light that we are graced with.
I lived in the Northwest for almost 20 years. I tried to learn to love the shade and shadow as the natives did. It never really happened. There was one winter with ninety days in a row that the sun NEVER showed up! People were so cranky! It wasn't the rain that made me grumpy...it was the GRAY!
I find that this weather discussion is an excellent analogy for living. How many times do we wake up to find difficulty facing us? Many times we wake up to gray days or rainy days (symbolically). A teen has started experimenting with drugs, your husband is addicted to pornography, or you're going through postpartum depression. There are ever so many problems that can arise in life.
In Portland when the sun refused its warming light my husband put in broad spectrum lights throughout our house. There was a lamp that you could buy that was supposed to mimic the effect of sunlight. There were gadgets and gizmos aplenty.
One of the most important lessons that I have learned about life is that rough times come BUT THEY ALSO GO! Yesterday I was in horrible, all encompassing pain. I have several medical conditions that cause pain. Usually I can keep the pain at a manageable level but that huge change in barometric pressure seems to make pain encompass me at the cellular level.
Then the very next day, today, I awakened to the shining sun. I moved out of bed, took the animals outside, started to check Facebook and realized, "That horrible pain is gone!" HOORAY! I did a happy dance. (It's a good thing that I was inside at that point).
I never would request the pain filled days, or the challenge laden days. A friend recently said to me, "I would like a little boredom, just for awhile." I can concur with that assessment if that means that my pain is limited, and I feel well enough to conquer the necessities of the day.
At the same time, I would not give away the lessons learned about empathy, strength, and thriving through those hard times, those days when I struggle to even have the sunshine in my soul. This is one of the paradoxes of life. To truly understand happiness you need to face sadness. Joy is more fully felt after sorrow. There is a reason for the word bittersweet.
Sometimes it feels as though there is no break between hard, challenging thing in life. At that point you must create that break! My husband was in the hospital at one point for six weeks. I was there with him throughout. One bleak night I knew that I had to do something to shore up my sagging spirits.
I imagined that Nyle and I were on a cruise (one of our favorite activities), and I was going to another deck to get a late night snack. I went to the cafe and bought myself a luscious shake. I sat and reviewed all the joyous memories of our cruising days. One of my favorite was snorkeling with my honey. We held hands and swam with our faces inside the water. We saw coral reef, and magically bright colored fish. It was ever so romantic to be linked by our hands while we shared this majestic beauty.
When I returned to the reality of Nyle in the hospital I felt renewed. I could see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Before my little break I felt like there was only another tunnel at the end of the tunnel!
Today, I WILL accomplish necessary beads on a string with no knot on the end types of chores, but I will also dance and sing. The sun is brilliant. Beads of rainy droplets shine on the grass like thousands of diamonds. The birds are joyously enjoying the suns return. I think I'll join those lovely birdies and sing to the sunshine!
I lived in the Northwest for almost 20 years. I tried to learn to love the shade and shadow as the natives did. It never really happened. There was one winter with ninety days in a row that the sun NEVER showed up! People were so cranky! It wasn't the rain that made me grumpy...it was the GRAY!
I find that this weather discussion is an excellent analogy for living. How many times do we wake up to find difficulty facing us? Many times we wake up to gray days or rainy days (symbolically). A teen has started experimenting with drugs, your husband is addicted to pornography, or you're going through postpartum depression. There are ever so many problems that can arise in life.
In Portland when the sun refused its warming light my husband put in broad spectrum lights throughout our house. There was a lamp that you could buy that was supposed to mimic the effect of sunlight. There were gadgets and gizmos aplenty.
One of the most important lessons that I have learned about life is that rough times come BUT THEY ALSO GO! Yesterday I was in horrible, all encompassing pain. I have several medical conditions that cause pain. Usually I can keep the pain at a manageable level but that huge change in barometric pressure seems to make pain encompass me at the cellular level.
Then the very next day, today, I awakened to the shining sun. I moved out of bed, took the animals outside, started to check Facebook and realized, "That horrible pain is gone!" HOORAY! I did a happy dance. (It's a good thing that I was inside at that point).
I never would request the pain filled days, or the challenge laden days. A friend recently said to me, "I would like a little boredom, just for awhile." I can concur with that assessment if that means that my pain is limited, and I feel well enough to conquer the necessities of the day.
At the same time, I would not give away the lessons learned about empathy, strength, and thriving through those hard times, those days when I struggle to even have the sunshine in my soul. This is one of the paradoxes of life. To truly understand happiness you need to face sadness. Joy is more fully felt after sorrow. There is a reason for the word bittersweet.
Sometimes it feels as though there is no break between hard, challenging thing in life. At that point you must create that break! My husband was in the hospital at one point for six weeks. I was there with him throughout. One bleak night I knew that I had to do something to shore up my sagging spirits.
I imagined that Nyle and I were on a cruise (one of our favorite activities), and I was going to another deck to get a late night snack. I went to the cafe and bought myself a luscious shake. I sat and reviewed all the joyous memories of our cruising days. One of my favorite was snorkeling with my honey. We held hands and swam with our faces inside the water. We saw coral reef, and magically bright colored fish. It was ever so romantic to be linked by our hands while we shared this majestic beauty.
When I returned to the reality of Nyle in the hospital I felt renewed. I could see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Before my little break I felt like there was only another tunnel at the end of the tunnel!
Today, I WILL accomplish necessary beads on a string with no knot on the end types of chores, but I will also dance and sing. The sun is brilliant. Beads of rainy droplets shine on the grass like thousands of diamonds. The birds are joyously enjoying the suns return. I think I'll join those lovely birdies and sing to the sunshine!
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Thrive, Don't Just Survive
In difficult times there is no shame in just surviving. In fact, I agree with the song, "I'm a survivor, I'm gonna make it..." In my mind Surviving means to cling with all the tenacity you possess, starting to slide, fingernails digging into whatever you can reach, the branch on the edge of the cliff you're sliding into, the tiny crack in the bricks of the skyscraper where an earthquake threw you. (The examples, of course, are figurative.) To be literal, let me use these examples. Your spouse is dying, your finances are a total snarly mess, your kids are quarreling all the time because of the stress caused by your spouse dying, or you are dying, or your child is dying, or you all are dying! In these situations surviving may be the very best that you can do.
On the other hand, I wish to suggest a better way. Is it possible to THRIVE in the midst of gut clenching, earth shaking challenge? My answer would be yes, well not only yes but ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY YES!
Do you need to be delusional to THRIVE in such a horrific time of challenge? I think it's more of a delusion to let crisis and terror take any and all joy out of your life. Oh I'm not suggesting that you think, "Somebody I love is dying? I'm so HAPPY!" That is called psychosis, or a total disconnect from reality.
There is a darling movie out right now called "Inside Out." I love this movie. It speaks to how our brains work. It even suggests that emotions we consider, negative, can achieve a positive result. For example, again, your spouse or family member is dying...OF COURSE YOU FEEL SAD! There is a quote that says, "Sorrow is the price for great love." Is it possible to use this sorrow to thrive? Yes. Is it easy? NOT EVEN CLOSE.
The older I get, the more I realize that the things that have mattered the most in my life, family, faith, friends, have NOT been easy. They have been richly rewarding. Indeed, I think that the things that matter the most in our lives do NOT come easily. This process of experiencing pain, sorrow, disgust, fear, has precious lessons to teach us. The kindest, most loving people that I have ever met have faced some of the hardest challenges that life can offer.
One example was my beloved friend that had a son die in a robbery. He was one of the robbers. To have a beloved child die while causing great suffering to others? I don't think anyone would disagree that this would be an enormous weight of sorrow pressing you down into the ground.
She used her sorrow to drive her to be more compassionate. I was one of the grateful recipients of her loving and giving, In other words, she thrived in spite of this horrific experience.
I wish to suggest a few methods that have helped me to THRIVE when SURVIVING seemed my only option.
1. Prayer or meditation. However you perceive God, or whatever name you use to address Him or Her, science has shown a significant positive power in the use of prayer. If you don't believe in God slow down and meditate. Whatever method works for you, quiet your mind. Do this as often as your sorrow threatens to suck you into a giant vacuum of grief and pain.
2. Reach out! Getting professional help can be extremely beneficial in times of extreme challenge. Sometimes you have to shop around to find the right "fit," for this clinician. For example, one therapist actually said to me in a time of huge crisis, "I don't have anything to help you. You are welcome to come and cry if that helps." REALLY? REALLY? I'm going to pay money to come and feel worse when I leave? Wrong fit.
3. FAMILY/FRIENDS are usually wonderful sources of love and support. They can't read your mind so call them when you need them!
4. Read only uplifting material. Watch only uplifting material on the TV or computer. It's no secret that connecting with upbeat positive ideas can lift your soul...ESPECIALLY in the hardest times of life.
5. At least daily but more if needed do powerful visualizations. Example? Imagine an enormous sink. Now go through your problems one at a time. Take each problem, one by one, and put it in the enormous sink. Now you will turn on the water and watch all those problems, those struggles wash down, down, down, the sink and disappear down the drain.
6. Throw a potluck party. Invite all your family/friends to come. It can be a theme party where everyone comes dressed like their favorite movie/book character. Parties are excellent ways of connecting and celebrating the best in life when the worst in life is walking with you.
6. Serve others! There are as many ways of reaching out to others as there are people. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, non-profit organization, your church, a foodbank...the list goes on and on. It's amazing how your problems seem lighter when serving others.
As usual my post has helped ME tremendously. I hope that it can help someone, somewhere out in the blogosphere. Remember, none of us needs to be alone! One of the best things to understand in this life is, troubles come, but they also go! Cling to the reality of this idea. Problems will come but you can do more than just survive them. You can thrive in spite of them!
On the other hand, I wish to suggest a better way. Is it possible to THRIVE in the midst of gut clenching, earth shaking challenge? My answer would be yes, well not only yes but ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY YES!
Do you need to be delusional to THRIVE in such a horrific time of challenge? I think it's more of a delusion to let crisis and terror take any and all joy out of your life. Oh I'm not suggesting that you think, "Somebody I love is dying? I'm so HAPPY!" That is called psychosis, or a total disconnect from reality.
There is a darling movie out right now called "Inside Out." I love this movie. It speaks to how our brains work. It even suggests that emotions we consider, negative, can achieve a positive result. For example, again, your spouse or family member is dying...OF COURSE YOU FEEL SAD! There is a quote that says, "Sorrow is the price for great love." Is it possible to use this sorrow to thrive? Yes. Is it easy? NOT EVEN CLOSE.
The older I get, the more I realize that the things that have mattered the most in my life, family, faith, friends, have NOT been easy. They have been richly rewarding. Indeed, I think that the things that matter the most in our lives do NOT come easily. This process of experiencing pain, sorrow, disgust, fear, has precious lessons to teach us. The kindest, most loving people that I have ever met have faced some of the hardest challenges that life can offer.
One example was my beloved friend that had a son die in a robbery. He was one of the robbers. To have a beloved child die while causing great suffering to others? I don't think anyone would disagree that this would be an enormous weight of sorrow pressing you down into the ground.
She used her sorrow to drive her to be more compassionate. I was one of the grateful recipients of her loving and giving, In other words, she thrived in spite of this horrific experience.
I wish to suggest a few methods that have helped me to THRIVE when SURVIVING seemed my only option.
1. Prayer or meditation. However you perceive God, or whatever name you use to address Him or Her, science has shown a significant positive power in the use of prayer. If you don't believe in God slow down and meditate. Whatever method works for you, quiet your mind. Do this as often as your sorrow threatens to suck you into a giant vacuum of grief and pain.
2. Reach out! Getting professional help can be extremely beneficial in times of extreme challenge. Sometimes you have to shop around to find the right "fit," for this clinician. For example, one therapist actually said to me in a time of huge crisis, "I don't have anything to help you. You are welcome to come and cry if that helps." REALLY? REALLY? I'm going to pay money to come and feel worse when I leave? Wrong fit.
3. FAMILY/FRIENDS are usually wonderful sources of love and support. They can't read your mind so call them when you need them!
4. Read only uplifting material. Watch only uplifting material on the TV or computer. It's no secret that connecting with upbeat positive ideas can lift your soul...ESPECIALLY in the hardest times of life.
5. At least daily but more if needed do powerful visualizations. Example? Imagine an enormous sink. Now go through your problems one at a time. Take each problem, one by one, and put it in the enormous sink. Now you will turn on the water and watch all those problems, those struggles wash down, down, down, the sink and disappear down the drain.
6. Throw a potluck party. Invite all your family/friends to come. It can be a theme party where everyone comes dressed like their favorite movie/book character. Parties are excellent ways of connecting and celebrating the best in life when the worst in life is walking with you.
6. Serve others! There are as many ways of reaching out to others as there are people. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, non-profit organization, your church, a foodbank...the list goes on and on. It's amazing how your problems seem lighter when serving others.
As usual my post has helped ME tremendously. I hope that it can help someone, somewhere out in the blogosphere. Remember, none of us needs to be alone! One of the best things to understand in this life is, troubles come, but they also go! Cling to the reality of this idea. Problems will come but you can do more than just survive them. You can thrive in spite of them!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)