I'm ANGRY! Not lower case angry but upper case, bold, angry! Some of God's brightest, funniest of humans are giving up on life! Robin Williams had one of the shiniest, rawest, brightest of talents. Using these gifts he brightened up the world that we live in. So why am I angry? He didn't HAVE TO DIE! I realize that in stating this it sounds like I'm judging him. No, I'm speaking from an entirely selfish point of view. I want him to still be here on this planet with us.
I want to stand on a tall arch somewhere and have the capability to scream to the world, "DON'T KILL YOURSELF!" I am the survivor of a few things. The worst, the very soul shakiing worst was Clinical Depresion. I reached a point where the color had been sucked out of the world, leaving only gray...not even black and white. I couldn't even get out of my bed to go to the bathroom for hours and hours. Finally, desperate for that relief, I would force myself up...and walk step by grueling step into the bathroom. (It was about 6 or 7 feet away from my bed.)
I do NOT wish to display the hubris of saying that I understand what anyone else's personal voyage into Hell is like. I do know a few things...DEPRESSION LIES! It says, "The world would be better off without me. It also says, "I'M A BURDEN TO MY FAMILY AND EVERYONE THAT I KNOW."
I wish that my beloved nephew who killed himself at 28 could have first seen how desperately we all miss him. I wish he could have known how sad that he would be watching his wife and 1 year old daughter, from Heaven, struggle and fight to make their way through life WITHOUT HIM!
My nephew was brilliant, a genius. Perfection was not a goal, it was a driving need. How I wish that I could have said, "Honey, life is MESSY, but it's important!" I wish he had shared his desperation so that we, his family could have surrounded him with loving support as he battled back through the battlefield that is mental health challenge.
I want to give a perspective. I know anyone that reads my blog may be very, very tired of hearing me use myself and my sweetheart as examples. We were and are ever so far from perfect. I found my honey very inspirational, but he once said, "I would like to inspire somebody, not for my multiple health issues, but for my talents, and my abilities." I feel the same. I use our example because it is what I know, and feel comfortable sharing.
I was deathly ill as a child. I was born with almost no immune system, allergic to pretty much every substance on the planet. I literally heard doctors whisper around my bedside, "She's not going to live very long." When I thought of growing up, I had the traditional wish to be a Wife and Mommy. Actually my greatest wish was simply TO GROW UP!
As odd as it sounds I'm very grateful for the perspective that I gained as I lay in that bed fighting just to breathe. I learned how very, very precious life is, EVEN IN THE WORST OF CIRCUMSTANCE.
I once went to a production of "Spoon River Anthology." One quote has stayed with me for the some 30 years since then. The play is about people who have lived and died in a tiny town. They come out of their graves (Not Zombie's, come on who thought that?) and share a condensed life sketch. The one that has blessed my life ever since was a woman who gave birth to eight children, and worked beside her beloved husband on a rough farm that yielded more heart ache than plant life. To make things more complicated she was born with a heart defect. She faced death every time she gave birth, and many times just going about living. I'm paraphrasing this part. When my heart started tremoring so hard that I couldn't work in the field I would lie down on God's earth. I would feel the pulse of that earth beating into my heart. Soon I would feel stronger and able to help my husband. (Here comes my quote.) "Degenerate sons and daughters, LIVE IS TOO STRONG FOR YOU!"
When does life lose its worth? When we are deathly ill, when the worst in life has happened to us, (maybe what we PERCEIVE as the worst), does that completely remove the worth of life?
Nyle and I decided that we wanted a third child. He was very ill, bed bound at this point. A doctor saw on Nyle's chart that we were doing things to help us conceive. He said, "Mr. Smith, with your medical history and current list of medical struggles do you really think that you should be creating a child?"
Nyle became his strongest Lawyer self. He said, "Doctor are you saying that because of my health problems, MY LIFE HAS NO VALUE?"
The Doctor was quiet for a moment and then he said, "Mr. Smith I believe that I spoke incorrectly. I apologize."
When does life lose worth? When I was a desperately ill child, did my life have value? When I struggled just to breathe, was that experience worthless?
In my grayest days of depression I finally reached a point where I realized that it was up to me to find a way out of my gray. I did NOT kill myself. After my early life experience I realized that life is precious EVEN IN THE WORST OF SITUATIONS! I knew that my life had too much worth for suicide. I did private research with any and all things that I could access. I went to the doctor (she had been trying to convince me to use pharmaceuticals for four years). I finally went to her and humbly said, "HELP!" She did. She explained that the medication would take 4 to 6 weeks to take effect.
TWO DAYS LATER, I woke up to a whole new world. I looked across my room and saw a picture on the wall. It was so colorful, so bright. I thought, "I'm going to get up and wash my dishes." Then I thought, "Wait, what? I HATE washing dishes." Somehow the impossible to do seemed not only possible, but satisfying. I felt JOYOUS about my possibilities for the day.
My first thought was, "Wait is this medicine making me high? High to me refers to the drug induced mania that was prominent in the 1960s and 1970s. Then I realized, "No, I'M back!."
I felt like my soul fit in my skin again. I'm certain that most people thought I had lost my mind because I kept telling everyone, "I'm back. I feel like ME again." Mental health can strip away the essence of who you are. In fact it usually does.
Now I'm going to ask the million dollar question, "You have a debilitating illness or two, now top that dynamic with a layer of mental health issues. Of course you lose your interest in living! That does NOT mean however, that life has become less precious. Hang on with me in that thought for a moment. Can life be precious when you are faced with a seemingly endless parade of struggle?
Of course, this is an extremely personal decision. I don't wish to categorically say, "My way is right, yours is wrong!" I just wish with all of my heart to shed some light into very dark places. Life is ever so precious. From my childhood, just being able to breathe freely is a precious gift.
Please, please, please, before you make that all too permanent decision to end your life, try medication, visit a counselor, clergyperson, or find a support group. If you done all these steps and nothing has helped, do NOT give up. Sometimes it takes time to find answers. It took me four stubborn years to fight my way through the gray. Volunteer, volunteer....for special Olympics, a homeless shelter, a free clinic, on, on and on. It is virtually impossible to give to others without gaining benefit for yourself.
OK...my initial anger has dissipated. The problem is that like an ocean wave crashing on the beach as it has drawn away, it has left the debris of sorrow. Sorrow that I feel for the families left behind, for all those who face the emptiness of living without. When my husband was bedbound for almost three years he once said to me, "I'm just a drain on all of you my family. You would all be better without me."
I tried to be calm as I said, "Honey you are the heartbeat of our home, our family! I don't want you to suffer and be miserable, but just by BEING HERE, you bless all of us." It was no stretch of the imagination. He WAS a blessing always to his daughters and to me.
Please, oh please, our planet needs all of us! If you are fighting depression DON'T GIVE UP! REACH OUT INSTEAD! If someone you know or love is battling this crippling illness, REACH OUT! WE ALL NEED YOU!
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass....it's about learning to dance in the rain!
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Monday, August 18, 2014
Our First Favorite Child
Five year old Ardis Kay held the syringe carefully between two young hands. She eased the insulin up from the bottle. Then ever so carefully she injected the medicine into her Father's arm. Finished she would be pulled into his loving arms. She also would be praised for learning to do a necessary task.
Ardis Kay didn't feel sorry for herself. Giving her Papa a shot was just something that she did because she loved him. She knew that if he did not treat his diabetes it would escalate making him very ill. Emergency need for food also was a fact of her household. Sometimes with no reason her Father's blood sugars would plummet towards unconsciousness and death. Then she would run to pour a bowl of cereal and put lots of sugar on it.
She also learned how to help her Mama when she battled her migraine headaches. Ardis was quick to run and get an ice pack to help relieve Mama.
Ardis witnessed that her Father earned an undergraduate degree in his late 20's and early 30's. He then went on to gain a Juris Doctorate, or Doctorate of Law. He graduated with the special honor of receiving the "Cornelius Honor Award." He achieved this goal and then worked, first in a Family Law office then as Associate Dean of Career Services, at Lewis and Clark, Northwestern School of Law. He did all of this while he battled with diabetes, degenerative spinal disease, a malignant tumor in his right eye, and the need for knee joint replacement.
Ardis had never known a different life. Content and secure in the love of her parents Ardis Kay also had a charmed life. Education was a priority in her family. At the tender age of two she was taught how to use a computer. Her Papa set her up with educational games to play. She played them voraciously.
When other children her age were attending first grade Ardis tested at two levels higher than her peers. She was tested because her birth date fell eighteen days past the deadline. Public education in America sets a deadline. In Oregon at that time if you were born one day past September 1st you had to take a test. Ardis Kay did not know that she was required to test two years ahead to attend first grade instead of repeating kindergarten. (She had attended a private kindergarten which the public school system did not recognize.) She took the test for several hours. When she finished she bounced out of the testing center giggling and said, "That was fun. Mama, Papa, may I take the test again tomorrow?"
At that moment her Papa and I knew that Ardis was going to spend her life devouring knowledge as though it was dripping with chocolate. In a parent teacher conference her teacher said that she had given an assignment to the class. She told them three different ways they could choose to approach the task. Ardis came to her and said, "May I do this all three ways?" Ardis' love of gaining education made her a teacher's dream.
The person in public education responsible for the decision of what grade to place the child in, based on a child's test scores, called me. In a cool and dispassionate manner she explained to me that she had decided that Ardis Kay would NOT be admitted to first grade. Continuing she said, "I have no doubt that Ardis would do just fine until fifth grade. At that point the other children will surpass her socially. This will cause her great difficulty throughout Junior High School and especially in High School."
I said, "Ardis is only eighteen days younger than some of her classmates. How is it possible that she can test two years ahead of all her peers in every subject but one, (she merely tested a year and one half ahead in that topic) and you think that moving forward will socially damage her? My husband and I believe that stifling her intelligence by making her repeat kindergarten would be far more damaging to her!"
The woman would simply not budge. She waxed on and on with pedantic drivel. Nyle and I decided to place Ardis in a kindergarten/first grade split level class, again in a private school, but this time it was state certified. Ardis tested at a third grade level at the end of that school year.
Ardis graduated from private school at the fifth grade level. She then attended middle school in a public magnetic school of the arts. When it was time for High School she shocked us by wanting to attend a school that had a specialty math and science program. In addition this High School was the only one that taught Latin in Portland. It's easy to see by her successful shift from the arts to math and science that Ardis is incredibly well rounded.
Ardis would attend this High School for most of the day. At the end of her school day she was bused to a special dance program. She danced five times a week for an hour and 45 minutes. For one of the years she attended High School she also attended an after school Latin class.
Ardis was never socially awkward. She made friends easily and enjoyed friendships, many of which survive to this day.
After graduating from Brigham Young University as the Valedictorian of the History Department, Ardis continued her education. She earned her Master's Degree at Cambridge University, in Cambridge England which is frequently counted as the number one University in the world.
Ardis is a well balanced woman. She is brilliant but she is also very adept at working with people. Her background of helping with both of her parents physical challenges gives her a unique quality of empathy. She embodies well a quote that comes from the musical Oklahoma. The line is sung by the character, Aunt Eller. "I may not be no better than anybody else, but I'll be damned if I ain't just as good."
After Ardis beloved Dad died at the age of fifty-four, she again stepped up to the challenge. When Nyle died, I was left with very little income, and lots and lots of medical needs and bills. She moved from her beloved downtown, urban apartment on the 7th floor, into a small town, so that her disabled Mom with very little income could live with her.
Not only does she work hard to help support me, but she will often put a random amount of money in my bank account and then call and say, "Mom go out to lunch with one of your friends. Or, Mom, go get a hair cut, and a treat of some type. This is money that SHE could be using for her own needs and wishes.
Ardis is deeply spiritual. When she was in middle school I passed her room one day and saw her kneeling by her bed pouring out her heart in prayer. Many times I found her reading her scriptures. She inspired me to spend more time praying, and studying the words of God.
She doesn't just respect our religion but she sees the light and goodness of other faiths as well. Ardis was named for her Paternal Grandma. I know that if Grandma Ardis is watching her from Heaven she is really, REALLY proud of her namesake!
Ardis Kay didn't feel sorry for herself. Giving her Papa a shot was just something that she did because she loved him. She knew that if he did not treat his diabetes it would escalate making him very ill. Emergency need for food also was a fact of her household. Sometimes with no reason her Father's blood sugars would plummet towards unconsciousness and death. Then she would run to pour a bowl of cereal and put lots of sugar on it.
She also learned how to help her Mama when she battled her migraine headaches. Ardis was quick to run and get an ice pack to help relieve Mama.
Ardis witnessed that her Father earned an undergraduate degree in his late 20's and early 30's. He then went on to gain a Juris Doctorate, or Doctorate of Law. He graduated with the special honor of receiving the "Cornelius Honor Award." He achieved this goal and then worked, first in a Family Law office then as Associate Dean of Career Services, at Lewis and Clark, Northwestern School of Law. He did all of this while he battled with diabetes, degenerative spinal disease, a malignant tumor in his right eye, and the need for knee joint replacement.
Ardis had never known a different life. Content and secure in the love of her parents Ardis Kay also had a charmed life. Education was a priority in her family. At the tender age of two she was taught how to use a computer. Her Papa set her up with educational games to play. She played them voraciously.
When other children her age were attending first grade Ardis tested at two levels higher than her peers. She was tested because her birth date fell eighteen days past the deadline. Public education in America sets a deadline. In Oregon at that time if you were born one day past September 1st you had to take a test. Ardis Kay did not know that she was required to test two years ahead to attend first grade instead of repeating kindergarten. (She had attended a private kindergarten which the public school system did not recognize.) She took the test for several hours. When she finished she bounced out of the testing center giggling and said, "That was fun. Mama, Papa, may I take the test again tomorrow?"
At that moment her Papa and I knew that Ardis was going to spend her life devouring knowledge as though it was dripping with chocolate. In a parent teacher conference her teacher said that she had given an assignment to the class. She told them three different ways they could choose to approach the task. Ardis came to her and said, "May I do this all three ways?" Ardis' love of gaining education made her a teacher's dream.
The person in public education responsible for the decision of what grade to place the child in, based on a child's test scores, called me. In a cool and dispassionate manner she explained to me that she had decided that Ardis Kay would NOT be admitted to first grade. Continuing she said, "I have no doubt that Ardis would do just fine until fifth grade. At that point the other children will surpass her socially. This will cause her great difficulty throughout Junior High School and especially in High School."
I said, "Ardis is only eighteen days younger than some of her classmates. How is it possible that she can test two years ahead of all her peers in every subject but one, (she merely tested a year and one half ahead in that topic) and you think that moving forward will socially damage her? My husband and I believe that stifling her intelligence by making her repeat kindergarten would be far more damaging to her!"
The woman would simply not budge. She waxed on and on with pedantic drivel. Nyle and I decided to place Ardis in a kindergarten/first grade split level class, again in a private school, but this time it was state certified. Ardis tested at a third grade level at the end of that school year.
Ardis graduated from private school at the fifth grade level. She then attended middle school in a public magnetic school of the arts. When it was time for High School she shocked us by wanting to attend a school that had a specialty math and science program. In addition this High School was the only one that taught Latin in Portland. It's easy to see by her successful shift from the arts to math and science that Ardis is incredibly well rounded.
Ardis would attend this High School for most of the day. At the end of her school day she was bused to a special dance program. She danced five times a week for an hour and 45 minutes. For one of the years she attended High School she also attended an after school Latin class.
Ardis was never socially awkward. She made friends easily and enjoyed friendships, many of which survive to this day.
After graduating from Brigham Young University as the Valedictorian of the History Department, Ardis continued her education. She earned her Master's Degree at Cambridge University, in Cambridge England which is frequently counted as the number one University in the world.
Ardis is a well balanced woman. She is brilliant but she is also very adept at working with people. Her background of helping with both of her parents physical challenges gives her a unique quality of empathy. She embodies well a quote that comes from the musical Oklahoma. The line is sung by the character, Aunt Eller. "I may not be no better than anybody else, but I'll be damned if I ain't just as good."
After Ardis beloved Dad died at the age of fifty-four, she again stepped up to the challenge. When Nyle died, I was left with very little income, and lots and lots of medical needs and bills. She moved from her beloved downtown, urban apartment on the 7th floor, into a small town, so that her disabled Mom with very little income could live with her.
Not only does she work hard to help support me, but she will often put a random amount of money in my bank account and then call and say, "Mom go out to lunch with one of your friends. Or, Mom, go get a hair cut, and a treat of some type. This is money that SHE could be using for her own needs and wishes.
Ardis is deeply spiritual. When she was in middle school I passed her room one day and saw her kneeling by her bed pouring out her heart in prayer. Many times I found her reading her scriptures. She inspired me to spend more time praying, and studying the words of God.
She doesn't just respect our religion but she sees the light and goodness of other faiths as well. Ardis was named for her Paternal Grandma. I know that if Grandma Ardis is watching her from Heaven she is really, REALLY proud of her namesake!
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
What Do YOU Stand For?
Katie Perry is a singer/songwriter of the Pop genre here in the United States. She has done a couple of songs that I very much enjoy. One is called Fireworks. We all have the capacity to be like fireworks and light the sky with our life choices.
Another one is called "Eye of the Tiger." There is a line is this song that has just been stuck in my head for the last two days. "I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything." This song is about facing hard things and fighting our way out.
I personally relate to this lyric. I have done lots of fighting throughout my lifetime. I was born a severe asthmatic with virtually no immune system. I was allergic to about every earth substance including most foods. My parents were told that I would not survive past two years of age.
There have been many, MANY trials and challenges in my life. There has also been an enormous multiplicity of blessings. I was born to loving, fighting, strong parents. My brother and sister adored me. My church group was always supportive of me. Recognizing my blessings even while fighting my battles has helped me to fight to the age of fifty-eight. Take that doctors who said I wouldn't make it!
Turning back from me to you, "What do YOU stand for?" I don't necessarily mean literally. There are things that I stand for in a literal sense. My Papa fought in World War II. He taught me that the flag of our country represents our ideals, our strengths, and our hopes for the future. I stand when a flag is brought in to any type of community gathering, or when it is marched down the street in a parade.
Now to think of figurative ways of standing. My husband and I were blessed with two amazing children. We worked hard to instill positive values in them. I'm speaking of values such as, respect for God, themselves, and humanity.
Respect is the forerunner of another positive value, gratitude. Sometimes it's very difficult to see that there are things to be grateful for. These are the times when we must look harder. Counting your blessings helps you to see those blessings in your life. I speak of blessings even as small as the darkness of night to give our bodies renewal. There are ALWAYS blessings to count.
We taught our girls many, many values. Trying to teach these values by example pressed us, their parents, to do better, and to be better. We did our best to teach them to "Stand for SOMETHING.'
Again the lyric in Katie's song says, "I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything."
Can we fall for everything even when we're doing our best to stand for something? It's a fact that we will fall many times in life. Yes, even when we are doing our level best to stand for something! It is ever so much better to fall when we are reaching for the heights of healthy values then it is to never even attempt to stand for positive purpose. The quote that I appreciate is, "It is better to reach for the stars and miss than to reach for the gutter and hit."
I've used a lot of words to express my feelings about this subject. I hope that today the part of my words that you remember is to STAND UP! Meditate and discover what values, dynamics, goals, and dreams that you feel are worth standing for...and then STAND!
Another one is called "Eye of the Tiger." There is a line is this song that has just been stuck in my head for the last two days. "I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything." This song is about facing hard things and fighting our way out.
I personally relate to this lyric. I have done lots of fighting throughout my lifetime. I was born a severe asthmatic with virtually no immune system. I was allergic to about every earth substance including most foods. My parents were told that I would not survive past two years of age.
There have been many, MANY trials and challenges in my life. There has also been an enormous multiplicity of blessings. I was born to loving, fighting, strong parents. My brother and sister adored me. My church group was always supportive of me. Recognizing my blessings even while fighting my battles has helped me to fight to the age of fifty-eight. Take that doctors who said I wouldn't make it!
Turning back from me to you, "What do YOU stand for?" I don't necessarily mean literally. There are things that I stand for in a literal sense. My Papa fought in World War II. He taught me that the flag of our country represents our ideals, our strengths, and our hopes for the future. I stand when a flag is brought in to any type of community gathering, or when it is marched down the street in a parade.
Now to think of figurative ways of standing. My husband and I were blessed with two amazing children. We worked hard to instill positive values in them. I'm speaking of values such as, respect for God, themselves, and humanity.
Respect is the forerunner of another positive value, gratitude. Sometimes it's very difficult to see that there are things to be grateful for. These are the times when we must look harder. Counting your blessings helps you to see those blessings in your life. I speak of blessings even as small as the darkness of night to give our bodies renewal. There are ALWAYS blessings to count.
We taught our girls many, many values. Trying to teach these values by example pressed us, their parents, to do better, and to be better. We did our best to teach them to "Stand for SOMETHING.'
Again the lyric in Katie's song says, "I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything."
Can we fall for everything even when we're doing our best to stand for something? It's a fact that we will fall many times in life. Yes, even when we are doing our level best to stand for something! It is ever so much better to fall when we are reaching for the heights of healthy values then it is to never even attempt to stand for positive purpose. The quote that I appreciate is, "It is better to reach for the stars and miss than to reach for the gutter and hit."
I've used a lot of words to express my feelings about this subject. I hope that today the part of my words that you remember is to STAND UP! Meditate and discover what values, dynamics, goals, and dreams that you feel are worth standing for...and then STAND!
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
A Birthday Miracle
It is just past midnight and that makes it officially July 31. I turn 58 years old today. For the first time in my life my beloved Mother is not here to tell me my birth story. I think everyone else in my family got tired of hearing the story, over, over, and over some more. I NEVER got tired of hearing my story. In the telling of my story Mama reminded me that my life has a purpose, and that I have value.
I will remind myself of my "Miracle Story," this year. I have a fabulous imagination. I'm very grateful for this gift. It helps keep those that I love alive although they have finished their mortal journey.
Mama would start my story, "I wasn't able to get pregnant. My kidneys didn't work properly so I could not carry a baby to term without significant risk to myself and the child. My uterus was tissue paper thin, which meant that it could rupture, causing massive hemorhaging, killing the baby and myself."
"When the doctor told me that I was pregnant he said, 'Mrs. Cheney in cases of severe danger to a Mother or Child such as your pregnancy, most doctor's would recommend aborting the fetus to save the Mother's life. I'm a staunch Catholic and you are a staunch Mormon. We do not believe in abortion. We both will have to exercise our faith.'"
In addition to Mother's other health challenges, she was 38 years old. That is rather old to be pregnant and delivering a baby. It was even more dangerous in 1956 when I was born. There was no mechanized baby monitoring. There was no ultrasound for diagnostic purposes.
Along the way there were many complications. Mama had to spend some time in bed to avoid toxemia, which can be stress irritated, and when you don't have two strong functioning kidneys can be quite lethal.
Toward the end of the pregnancy the doctor discovered that I was turned in breach position. This is very dangerous. Especially in a high-risk pregnancy like Mother's. Mama gathered my Father and her Father together and they gave her a special blessing. As the blessing progressed Mama felt me turn inside. She was not surprised at her next doctor visit to discover that indeed, now I was in the proper position for birth.
Mother was in labor for an entire month. She would have some pretty severe contractions, and quite close together, but then they would stop. On July 31, 1956, she had been quite miserable all day. Her Mother was visiting, my Grandma Howard. Grandma wanted to visit with family that lived in California before she returned to Utah.
Mama took her to a couple of family homes. As the day progressed Mother became more and more uncomfortable. She had gone through 7 pregnancies by this time in her life. Only two of them had resulted in full-term live births.
Grandma and Mom returned home. They prepared dinner and gathered the family to kneel in front of their chairs to say a blessing over the food. As the prayer was being said, Mama felt a pop, and then suddenly she was very wet.
She didn't wait for the prayer to end. Dashing into the restroom she verified her suspicions. Her water had broken. Immediately her rather half hazard labor became quite earnest. Grandma stayed with my 10 year old brother and my 6 year old sister. Father drove Mother to the hospital.
One of the neighbors commented later, "I suspected that Wendell was taking Sarah to the hospital. He seemed in rather a larger hurry than usual." My Dad was an incredibly cautious driver so the rapidity of his driving was quite different from his normal habits.
The very minute that they stepped into the hospital Mama was whisked away to labor and delivery. A quick exam showed them that not only was she fully dilated but I was trying to push right down the birthing canal...immediately!
Twenty minutes after Mother and Father entered the hospital, Mama was delivered of a strong, apparently healthy 8 pound baby girl. Her doctor couldn't make it to the hospital in time to deliver me. He was stuck in Los Angeles Traffic. (We were living in Pomona, California at the time).
He arrived when two staff doctor's were finishing all the detail work on Mama. He stood in the back of the labor and delivery room saying, "You need to understand that ALL birth is a miracle. This birth, however, is even more of a miracle than usual. 1. Mrs. Cheney could no longer get pregnant due to a traumatic still-birth 4 years earlier. 2. Mrs. Cheney has significant kidney problems making pregnancy life threatening. 3. Mrs. Cheney has a tissue thin uterus so carrying a child to term could very easily be deadly for both her and the baby. 4. Her baby had been breach position which Mrs. Cheney could not deliver. Somehow it turned before labor began. 5. The baby is full-term and eight pounds?
I was a five reason miracle...and my Mother never liked me to forget that. It has helped me all of my life, especially when life's circumstances are heavy, to remember that I have a purpose, a value to my life.
Mama's physical self is not on the earth anymore, but her spirit remains with all of us that love her so much (And loving her was ever so easy!) She would never want me to forget that I am FIVE TYPES OF MIRACLES! So Mama, I hope I did the story justice. Thanks for always making me feel like a miracle, a blessing, to you!
One of the miracles in MY life is that I got to have a loving, amazing Mother for 57 years of my life. Mama you will always be in my life. I will hear your laughter when your namesake (our youngest daughter) laughs. I will see your beauty in so many of your grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great great grandchildren! I will hear your sense of humor, and your brilliant mind expressed through all your descendants.
I will keep you close to my heart and give thanks for the rest of my life for the gift of such a Mother. A beloved Mother who told me that I was FIVE TYPES OF MIRACLES!
I sent Mama flowers every year on my birthday. Now, I will change the tradition. I will take the flowers to her graveside. In my mind I will hear the gratitude that she always expressed. I will enjoy the childlike wonder that she always showed towards the earth's beauty. Most especially I will remember until we are together again, I LOVE YOU Mother! Thank you for being so patient, and loving me all of my life!
I will remind myself of my "Miracle Story," this year. I have a fabulous imagination. I'm very grateful for this gift. It helps keep those that I love alive although they have finished their mortal journey.
Mama would start my story, "I wasn't able to get pregnant. My kidneys didn't work properly so I could not carry a baby to term without significant risk to myself and the child. My uterus was tissue paper thin, which meant that it could rupture, causing massive hemorhaging, killing the baby and myself."
"When the doctor told me that I was pregnant he said, 'Mrs. Cheney in cases of severe danger to a Mother or Child such as your pregnancy, most doctor's would recommend aborting the fetus to save the Mother's life. I'm a staunch Catholic and you are a staunch Mormon. We do not believe in abortion. We both will have to exercise our faith.'"
In addition to Mother's other health challenges, she was 38 years old. That is rather old to be pregnant and delivering a baby. It was even more dangerous in 1956 when I was born. There was no mechanized baby monitoring. There was no ultrasound for diagnostic purposes.
Along the way there were many complications. Mama had to spend some time in bed to avoid toxemia, which can be stress irritated, and when you don't have two strong functioning kidneys can be quite lethal.
Toward the end of the pregnancy the doctor discovered that I was turned in breach position. This is very dangerous. Especially in a high-risk pregnancy like Mother's. Mama gathered my Father and her Father together and they gave her a special blessing. As the blessing progressed Mama felt me turn inside. She was not surprised at her next doctor visit to discover that indeed, now I was in the proper position for birth.
Mother was in labor for an entire month. She would have some pretty severe contractions, and quite close together, but then they would stop. On July 31, 1956, she had been quite miserable all day. Her Mother was visiting, my Grandma Howard. Grandma wanted to visit with family that lived in California before she returned to Utah.
Mama took her to a couple of family homes. As the day progressed Mother became more and more uncomfortable. She had gone through 7 pregnancies by this time in her life. Only two of them had resulted in full-term live births.
Grandma and Mom returned home. They prepared dinner and gathered the family to kneel in front of their chairs to say a blessing over the food. As the prayer was being said, Mama felt a pop, and then suddenly she was very wet.
She didn't wait for the prayer to end. Dashing into the restroom she verified her suspicions. Her water had broken. Immediately her rather half hazard labor became quite earnest. Grandma stayed with my 10 year old brother and my 6 year old sister. Father drove Mother to the hospital.
One of the neighbors commented later, "I suspected that Wendell was taking Sarah to the hospital. He seemed in rather a larger hurry than usual." My Dad was an incredibly cautious driver so the rapidity of his driving was quite different from his normal habits.
The very minute that they stepped into the hospital Mama was whisked away to labor and delivery. A quick exam showed them that not only was she fully dilated but I was trying to push right down the birthing canal...immediately!
Twenty minutes after Mother and Father entered the hospital, Mama was delivered of a strong, apparently healthy 8 pound baby girl. Her doctor couldn't make it to the hospital in time to deliver me. He was stuck in Los Angeles Traffic. (We were living in Pomona, California at the time).
He arrived when two staff doctor's were finishing all the detail work on Mama. He stood in the back of the labor and delivery room saying, "You need to understand that ALL birth is a miracle. This birth, however, is even more of a miracle than usual. 1. Mrs. Cheney could no longer get pregnant due to a traumatic still-birth 4 years earlier. 2. Mrs. Cheney has significant kidney problems making pregnancy life threatening. 3. Mrs. Cheney has a tissue thin uterus so carrying a child to term could very easily be deadly for both her and the baby. 4. Her baby had been breach position which Mrs. Cheney could not deliver. Somehow it turned before labor began. 5. The baby is full-term and eight pounds?
I was a five reason miracle...and my Mother never liked me to forget that. It has helped me all of my life, especially when life's circumstances are heavy, to remember that I have a purpose, a value to my life.
Mama's physical self is not on the earth anymore, but her spirit remains with all of us that love her so much (And loving her was ever so easy!) She would never want me to forget that I am FIVE TYPES OF MIRACLES! So Mama, I hope I did the story justice. Thanks for always making me feel like a miracle, a blessing, to you!
One of the miracles in MY life is that I got to have a loving, amazing Mother for 57 years of my life. Mama you will always be in my life. I will hear your laughter when your namesake (our youngest daughter) laughs. I will see your beauty in so many of your grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great great grandchildren! I will hear your sense of humor, and your brilliant mind expressed through all your descendants.
I will keep you close to my heart and give thanks for the rest of my life for the gift of such a Mother. A beloved Mother who told me that I was FIVE TYPES OF MIRACLES!
I sent Mama flowers every year on my birthday. Now, I will change the tradition. I will take the flowers to her graveside. In my mind I will hear the gratitude that she always expressed. I will enjoy the childlike wonder that she always showed towards the earth's beauty. Most especially I will remember until we are together again, I LOVE YOU Mother! Thank you for being so patient, and loving me all of my life!
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
The Jetson's Reality is Here?
Have you ever noticed that science fiction seems to precede science fact? One example is the cartoon program from my childhood, "The Jetson's." This futuristic cartoon had people driving flying vehicles, the entire function of the house was controlled by one switch, and when you spoke on the telephone you could see them and they could see you. Their doggy walked on a treadmill in the house. They seemed to live above planet terra firma, so the poor doggy couldn't be walked outdoors.
Then came the television program Star Trek, and the multiple series of movies Star Wars. Each of these produced a futuristic altered version of reality. At the time it seemed far removed from the reality that I experienced daily. I was riding in a vehicle firmly attached to the earth. I listened to my music on the radio, or with a scratchy portable radio. My home was NOT connected to any sort of technology device, well their was a doorbell, which was sort of a technology thing, right?
Then came the computer. It didn't change things over night. It took a few decades for somebody to say, "Hey, let's make this thing smaller than an entire room! Even longer still was the quantificational explosion of "Smart phones." Imagine, the same ginormous roomful of computer equipment is now in a small box that can be smaller than my very small hands.
So did our genius inventors follow the movie and television possibilities? I suppose this could easily turn into a "Which came first, chicken or egg," discussion but that is not so much the purpose of my post. OK, possibly a little bit of the discussion of my post.
I mean, really, come on, does anybody else who was born in the 20th century ever marvel at the wonders of the twenty FIRST century? We began the 20th century in horse and carriage, and ended it in airplanes. That is quite the technological advance, without even discussing the mind blowingly amazing computer advances.
Ooops, I forgot to mention that long before the Jetson's and Star Wars and Star Trek was Flash Gordon. That movie was made long before I was born but made popular again by the singing group Queen. So maybe we can also give Queen the credit for the modern age that we live in.
A challenge for you today. Stop and think about the marvels of technology that we now take for granted. As a child I thought the telephone was a wonderful item to stay connected to friends near and far. Now I can visit with dear friends from all over the world in seconds by computer.
In the medical world, we can transplant living organs into living bodies with dying organs. There is a little computer that diabetics can wear that tracks blood sugars and even gives the injection of a number of insulin you program. To cope with the pain of severe spinal damage, there is a tiny computer that is placed under the skin of your body. It has catheters that go into your spine to deliver pain medication more effectively than taking a pain pill. There are pacemakers to keep your heart beating regularly, there are prosthesis for amputees that can work through your thoughts. The advances of medical science are exciting to witness.
Still in one of the Star movies (can't remember Star Wars or Star Trek) there was surgery performed with a machine that mended bones or operated on organs without opening the body. I'm waiting anxiously for that advancement.
I would also like the "Beam me up Scotty," development. Just think of how much time we would save and how much money we'd save by beaming in minutes!
What technological wonder would you like to see developed in our all too real world?
Then came the television program Star Trek, and the multiple series of movies Star Wars. Each of these produced a futuristic altered version of reality. At the time it seemed far removed from the reality that I experienced daily. I was riding in a vehicle firmly attached to the earth. I listened to my music on the radio, or with a scratchy portable radio. My home was NOT connected to any sort of technology device, well their was a doorbell, which was sort of a technology thing, right?
Then came the computer. It didn't change things over night. It took a few decades for somebody to say, "Hey, let's make this thing smaller than an entire room! Even longer still was the quantificational explosion of "Smart phones." Imagine, the same ginormous roomful of computer equipment is now in a small box that can be smaller than my very small hands.
So did our genius inventors follow the movie and television possibilities? I suppose this could easily turn into a "Which came first, chicken or egg," discussion but that is not so much the purpose of my post. OK, possibly a little bit of the discussion of my post.
I mean, really, come on, does anybody else who was born in the 20th century ever marvel at the wonders of the twenty FIRST century? We began the 20th century in horse and carriage, and ended it in airplanes. That is quite the technological advance, without even discussing the mind blowingly amazing computer advances.
Ooops, I forgot to mention that long before the Jetson's and Star Wars and Star Trek was Flash Gordon. That movie was made long before I was born but made popular again by the singing group Queen. So maybe we can also give Queen the credit for the modern age that we live in.
A challenge for you today. Stop and think about the marvels of technology that we now take for granted. As a child I thought the telephone was a wonderful item to stay connected to friends near and far. Now I can visit with dear friends from all over the world in seconds by computer.
In the medical world, we can transplant living organs into living bodies with dying organs. There is a little computer that diabetics can wear that tracks blood sugars and even gives the injection of a number of insulin you program. To cope with the pain of severe spinal damage, there is a tiny computer that is placed under the skin of your body. It has catheters that go into your spine to deliver pain medication more effectively than taking a pain pill. There are pacemakers to keep your heart beating regularly, there are prosthesis for amputees that can work through your thoughts. The advances of medical science are exciting to witness.
Still in one of the Star movies (can't remember Star Wars or Star Trek) there was surgery performed with a machine that mended bones or operated on organs without opening the body. I'm waiting anxiously for that advancement.
I would also like the "Beam me up Scotty," development. Just think of how much time we would save and how much money we'd save by beaming in minutes!
What technological wonder would you like to see developed in our all too real world?
Thursday, July 17, 2014
A Rose by any other Name??
It was a teeny tiny white dress.
It had ribboned embellishments and a silky underdress. Grandma
Howard was excited by the beauty of it. She picked up the tiny
dress and walked to the counter to pay.
As Grandma waited in line she noticed
more tiny details. There was a Peter Pan collar. Pure and
lovely white was the fabric. Then Grandma noticed the small tag
that was sewn into the back of the pretty dress. It boldly
proclaimed in script "A
Carol Joy Creation."
She knew that Papa and Mama had chosen
a name for their new baby. It was a name to honor both Grandma's.
The name that proudly proclaimed the babies name on the hospital
certificate was Georgia Leal Cheney. One Grandmother was Lillian
Georgina, and the other was Alice Leal. Neither Grandmother liked
the name Georgia Leal.
Grandma Cheney had written a long
letter to her son Wendell. She explained that there was a distant
cousin named George Cheney that had spent most of his life in a
mental institution. He was insane. She never wanted her beautiful
new Granddaughter to be confused with this poor man.
Grandma Howard presented the tiny
present to her daughter and son-in law with the comment, “Look at
the name on the tag. Isn't Carol Joy a lovely name? It's much
prettier than Georgia Leal, don't you think?
In their faith, The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints, sometimes nicknamed the “Mormon
Church,” infant baptism is not practiced. Instead when a baby is
born she is brought before the Congregation and given a name and
blessing by her Father.
When that most important Sunday came
the family was anxious. Would Wendell name the baby George Leal, or
would he name her Carol Joy? As the meeting worked toward the time
of blessing Grandma Howard was on pins and needles. The babes Mom
chewed impatiently at her fingernails. Her brother Howard fidgeted
in his seat. (He wasn't particularly anxious. He just hated sitting
still in church for two hours. Especially during August in Southern
California. The temperature was probably around 108 degrees,
wouldn't YOU fidget?) Carla-Rae blissfully played with her dolly,
unaware of any of the drama going on around her.
A collective sigh of relief was exhaled
when Wendell stood with a group of men and gave their baby a name and
blessing. He named the babe Carol Joy. I don't think he realized
that the name he was giving was a large name for his baby to live up
to. Carol means “Song of Joy.” So Caroljoy meant “Song of
Joy, Joy.”
As the babe grew into a young child she
was often reminded, “You are not living up to your name!”
Another more positive comment was, “You were given such a lovely
name. It fits you so well.” As a young girl Carol Joy was
surrounded by music. Her parents sang together, and played lots of
records. The radio was almost always playing.
On Monday evenings the entire family
would often travel to a music store. There were small vinyl records
that were called 33's. The family discovered that there were ten
cent vinyls. These were records that were pressed but didn't catch
on with the public. With great excitement the erstwhile family would
take home their find. Howard and Carla would choreograph a musical
song and dance number. They would then teach it to their growing
youngest sister. This started when she was two. Howard and Carla
were convinced that she was the next Shirley Temple.
Howard played the piano well. He would
play and the entire family would sing. This was one of their
favorite activities. When friends or family came to visit, Wendell
would say, “Sarah, please cook for our guests. Howard, please play
the piano for Carla-Rae and Carol-Joy to sing. The guests were a
captive audience so the family could practice their skills.
Amazingly guests CAME BACK?
Back to Carol-Joy's name and that
Shakespearean quote referring to “A rose by any other name would
still smell as sweet...” I really have a hard time imagining
anyone appreciating the thorn stemmed loveliness if it were named
rutabaga, or blestiospk. Rose is such a charming four letter name.
It rolls off the tongue as smoothly as its petals. There is no hint
of those thorns in the name rose.
A popular song from the 1990's says, “I
know you really think that you don't stink but look a little closer
baby, roses really smell like pooh, pooh, pooh.” I find this line
uninspiring but thought provoking. The young lady thinks she's all
that AND a bag of chips. The young man is trying to explain to her
that a self-absorbed life is unhealthy. Apparently in this instance
I'm quoting the words where the lyric says, “Roses really smell
like POOH, POOH, POOH.” Unless the lyricist was referring to
Winnie the _______ this is an extremely unpleasant comparison.
I wonder, has there ever been
a single movie about Winnie the Pooh when he takes off that little
shirt and washes it? Or an indication that this little bear ever
showers? Actually if he's stuffed he's hugged by a little boy in all
stages of dishabille. Little boys are well known for their stench.
“Rats, and snails, and puppy dog tails, that's what little boys are
made of...”
I remember when Frank Zappa was a rock
icon. His two unfortunate children were given the names of Moon Unit
and Dweezil. Dweezil, really? I think that even if we ARE given
unfortunate names, for example, my Mother grew up with Ima June
Bug...not kidding. Even if she just used her first name Ima Bug?
I'm certain that her parents thought the name was cute and funny. I
hope that she agreed with their assessment.
To summarize this post, names are
important. Before you name a child Dweezil, or Ima June Bug, stop
and think, “This is the name that this human being will face for
all of their life, unless they pay money and change it legally.
Actually I'm going to dither off the
path again. When I did data entry way back in the 1970's there was a
woman who had a relatively normal name that escapes me now. She
opted to change her last name to “Obiewankenobi.” Just as the
name is in “Star Wars.” To this moment I don't understand why
you would CHOOSE such a difficult name. I'm certain that she had to
spell it to every single human being that she ever met. Maybe she
liked the attention?
Names are important. Be loving and
kind when and if you have children and name them. Remember that in
this era many people live to be one hundred years old. How would you
like to live through 100 years as Ima June Bug? Kids can be cruel in
school. Don't give them ammunition to use against your child! Give
them a strong, loving, name, one that they can strive to live up to.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Joel Stein Makes me Laugh
Once before I wrote a commentary on the columnist Joel Stein. I just can't seem to get enough of his writing. He is witty, articulate, dry, and sometimes seriously sarcastic. Is that an oxymoron? Seriously sarcastic?
His article was cleverly labeled, "Love Me Tinder." The heading made me think of a paper that my husband wrote in law school. Nyle's title was "Love me tender, love me true, but don't steal my pictures, music, or likeness or I'll sue." Wordy but you get the point! lol
Joel and his wife facetiously used the Tinder dating app to help them decide who would wish to date them if they got a divorce? Joel did not fare well in the applications of interest that he received. His wife on the other hand had many, many young attractive men that were interested.
A serious note for just a moment in my article about an article. I do remember that Joel's article was humorous. I would like to interject my personal views on the only reasons for divorce.
1. ABUSE of any type, especially of your children. 2. Control that is out of control. 3. You find that you are married to a person who NEVER makes mistakes. (OK, they do, sometimes lots of mistakes, but the blame involved is ALWAYS ascribed to somebody else). If they are addicted to sexual actions with prostitutes, it's the prostitutes fault for dressing that way and being on the street to tempt men. REALLY? REALLY? These three reasons are absolutely, positively, grounds for getting a divorce...now, RIGHT NOW!
Joel and his wife decided to use the application to see what their dating lives would be after they divorced. Poor Joel really got the short end of that stick. He seemed to get lots of old women interested in him. Old women that were, well let's kindly say a little wacky!
His wife on the other hand, attracted the interest of so many handsome, virile young men that she was loathe to end the app.
Joel and his bride are very young...only in their 40's. This is the decade that I have heard called, "The old age of youth."
I am in my late 50's. My honey is dead. Died two years ago. I could start dating again. WHY? I had a friend once in my age group explain that men her age (and she wasn't much older than me) either were looking for a nurse, or a purse.
I must admit that it would be interesting to see what type of human being I would attract now that I'm approaching the tender, definitive age of 60! My lovely adult daughters loyally tell me that I'm an approaching old age, "Hottie."
I recall when my Mama was widowed at 73 years of age. In a short period of time two elderly gentlemen asked her out on a date. She turned them both down.
I said, "Mama, a free meal with an interesting person. What could be wrong with that?"
Her frank reply? "I know what those old goats want, and it's more than company for a meal!"
After I was able to breathe again (I was laughing that hard) I told her that I thought it would be good for her to date, and find companionship. That was NOT an acceptable idea for Mama. She lived to be 95 and was completely, and utterly, dateless.
I currently plan on following in Mama's footsteps, even though I was widowed at 55...almost 20 years before she was. I'm not certain if I want to live to be 95, without my beloved husband of 27 years. Yet, I hope to fill those years with positive actions.
So...who knows, maybe at some point I will follow Joel and his wife's actions. It might be interesting to see what male persons would find me attractive? NOT!!
His article was cleverly labeled, "Love Me Tinder." The heading made me think of a paper that my husband wrote in law school. Nyle's title was "Love me tender, love me true, but don't steal my pictures, music, or likeness or I'll sue." Wordy but you get the point! lol
Joel and his wife facetiously used the Tinder dating app to help them decide who would wish to date them if they got a divorce? Joel did not fare well in the applications of interest that he received. His wife on the other hand had many, many young attractive men that were interested.
A serious note for just a moment in my article about an article. I do remember that Joel's article was humorous. I would like to interject my personal views on the only reasons for divorce.
1. ABUSE of any type, especially of your children. 2. Control that is out of control. 3. You find that you are married to a person who NEVER makes mistakes. (OK, they do, sometimes lots of mistakes, but the blame involved is ALWAYS ascribed to somebody else). If they are addicted to sexual actions with prostitutes, it's the prostitutes fault for dressing that way and being on the street to tempt men. REALLY? REALLY? These three reasons are absolutely, positively, grounds for getting a divorce...now, RIGHT NOW!
Joel and his wife decided to use the application to see what their dating lives would be after they divorced. Poor Joel really got the short end of that stick. He seemed to get lots of old women interested in him. Old women that were, well let's kindly say a little wacky!
His wife on the other hand, attracted the interest of so many handsome, virile young men that she was loathe to end the app.
Joel and his bride are very young...only in their 40's. This is the decade that I have heard called, "The old age of youth."
I am in my late 50's. My honey is dead. Died two years ago. I could start dating again. WHY? I had a friend once in my age group explain that men her age (and she wasn't much older than me) either were looking for a nurse, or a purse.
I must admit that it would be interesting to see what type of human being I would attract now that I'm approaching the tender, definitive age of 60! My lovely adult daughters loyally tell me that I'm an approaching old age, "Hottie."
I recall when my Mama was widowed at 73 years of age. In a short period of time two elderly gentlemen asked her out on a date. She turned them both down.
I said, "Mama, a free meal with an interesting person. What could be wrong with that?"
Her frank reply? "I know what those old goats want, and it's more than company for a meal!"
After I was able to breathe again (I was laughing that hard) I told her that I thought it would be good for her to date, and find companionship. That was NOT an acceptable idea for Mama. She lived to be 95 and was completely, and utterly, dateless.
I currently plan on following in Mama's footsteps, even though I was widowed at 55...almost 20 years before she was. I'm not certain if I want to live to be 95, without my beloved husband of 27 years. Yet, I hope to fill those years with positive actions.
So...who knows, maybe at some point I will follow Joel and his wife's actions. It might be interesting to see what male persons would find me attractive? NOT!!
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