Monday, March 24, 2014

Casual Sex???

Casual sex.  The connection of these two words drives me slightly mad.  Casual, meaning not formal, with no commitment or long term concern.  Sex?  Well if you are not certain what that is, please close this post...quickly!

Here is the practical aspect of this idea.  I go on a date (still really, really weird to even consider after being married to the man that I love for 27 years), and we have a lovely dinner, speak about our various likes and dislikes, and then we go to one of our homes and get naked?  REALLY??  First of all, NOBODY in my lifetime will ever be frightened by the sight of my naked verging on elderly body.  But more importantly, to me this action is far too intimate to share with a partial stranger.

Oh I know some wonderful young people might read my blog and say, "It's not like that for us.  You're only young once.  It doesn't hurt anyone as long as it's consensual.  This lady is just an old prude." 

Let's examine the possibilities that sex brings.  Creation?  Does anyone stop and think that this activity has the possibility of creating NEW LIFE?  In my life there has been nothing more powerful, connecting, and magical than the loving action between my husband and I as we created our beloved daughters.  They are grown now I still look at them and think of the love that created them.

My sweetie used to say, "I will NEVER create another human being to come to the world with less than perfect circumstances.  Any children that I create will come to a family filled with love."

I'm stunned and appalled when I watch all the television shows that the sobbing women are there to determine the paternity of their children.  They don't know for certain who the Father is, because they had sex with multiple partners during that time.

It does seem practical to me to say, "If you're going to risk creating a child...make CERTAIN who the Papa is!  There is a way to do that you know.  Monogamy may be considered old fashioned in today's world.  So let's look at the physical consequences of multiple sexual partners, not my ideas about morality.

Sexually transmitted diseases are a threat that have multiple heads.  It rather reminds me of a Greek myth where there was a creature that when you cut off it's head it would grow two back.  There are so many dangers out there.  Aids?  Herpes (which can lead to cancer), Unwanted pregnancy, and ever so many more. 

I have been told ad nauseum that it is simply impossible to save sexual experiences for after marriage, or at the very least until you are in a committed relationship.  I have a very old fashioned word to say to that idea...BOLOGNA!  We are sentient creatures with opposable thumbs.  We ARE CAPABLE of reason and intelligence.  We do not HAVE TO be dictated to by our hormones.

Now there is a group that says, "Sex is a very healthy activity."  They have forgotten the most important part of that comment, "Sex is a very healthy activity, when it is engaged in with a committed, connected partner!"  When you participate in sex with multiple partners you are literally playing Russian Roulette, not knowing when a random bullet will catch you with a deadly consequence.

Repression?  For nearly 60 years I have heard over, and over, and over again that remaining celibate makes you repressed, unable to fully experience life.  I would say again with force, BOLOGNA!  I still enjoy listening to pop music in America.  I enjoy most types of music.  On the other hand some of the lyrics make me extremely cross.  "Let's go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love?"  Or here is a goody,  It begins, "Tonight, we are young, so let's set the world on fire..So tonight, when the bar closes and you feel like falling down, I'll carry you home my love."  He carries her home because she's too sloppy drunk to return home on her own power.  Loving isn't it? 

How many times will the young be sucked in to the idea, you are only young once.  So you need to experience sex, drugs, drinking, cigarettes, anywhere that your hormones, and desires lead you.  The fallacy of this is obvious, because that attitude may insure that not only are you only young once, you probably will never GROW OLD!

There is an enormous difference between love and lust!!  LUST is the drive, the throb of your hormones telling you, do whatever you want to.  Have sex with anyone.  How many times have we all heard the line, "If you loved me you would...?"  So to prove your love your partner expects you to compromise your values?  That is lust. is what makes you pull together as a couple after 21 years of marriage, and 22, and 23, and 50 and 60 etc.  Love is the power that gives vitality and support to this life. Last night I visited the Care Center where my 95 year old Mama lives.  My girls and I took her for a spin in her wheelchair.  There was a lovely couple in the hall and we began to chat.  She was in a wheelchair.  He was pushing the wheelchair, even though he was 89 years of age.  He told us, "I've been married to this lady for 60 years.  I love her more now than I did on our wedding day."  NOW THAT, is love!

Lust?  Lust is a very cheap shoddy imitation of love.  Lust drives otherwise intelligent human beings into all sorts of compromises.  Lust is as old as the earth.  This idea is well illustrated by the story of King David in the Bible.  He had EVERYTHING!  He was ridiculously wealthy, he commanded a kingdom.  He had countless wives and concubines.  Yet on one, "I'm bored," kind of nights he strolled on the roof of his palace.  (It was much cooler up there in the night breezes than it was in his enormous palace.

Across the street was a very large home.  There on that roof, where he could see, was his neighbor Uriah's wife taking a bath.  (Seems like it's lacking privacy to me, but again cooler up there.)  Good old fashioned lust hit him with a vengeance.  He lusted after his neighbor's wife, even though he had HUNDREDS of women already committed to him!

His neighbor had only ONE wife.  David had his neighbor, an officer in his army (and a good one according to the narration), put at the front of the action so that he was killed.  Then he proceeded to marry Bathsheba.  Does this seem like a recipe for LOVE?  Or a result of LUST?  He never forgave himself for killing a neighbor, a friend, to take his one wife.  So he spends the rest of his life miserable, even though he is married to Bathsheba.

I give this example to show that this situation is NOT NEW!  It is as old as the world.  If I could just reach one person...young or old, and prevent them from facing unnecessary consequences due to giving in to lust instead of practicing love, it would make me ever so happy!

I wish that I could shout in a voice loud enough to be heard all across the world, "Lust is NOT love.  There are ALWAYS consequences when sex is considered casual."  Lacking that power, I will write a post in my blog hoping that someone, somewhere will read it and change their lives. 

I have not even started on the emotional, spiritual consequences of casual, nothing really matters.  , types of sex.  I will write about that another time.  Please friends in the world, WAKE UP!  Making love is a beautiful, connecting action, one that can create family.  Do not EVER take it lightly.  Remember it as an incredible gift that must be used ever so carefully!

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