Thursday, January 19, 2012

Death in a Positive Context??

Much has happened in the last week of my life. My beloved, my sweetheart, my soulmate passed from this life into the next. My faith that life does NOT end when death occurs is helping me to move forward with tiny baby steps.

We spent twenty-six years together, filled with joys, sorrows, pain, celebration, and every size and piece of emotion life can bring. The wonderful thing that happens for most of us in this life is that when we look backward from the present the sorrows and problems become diminshed, and the joys and blessings seem to stand out with clarity.

I sometimes feel like I will simply break into a million tiny bits of me. That I will be such small sizes that it will take a broom and dustbin to collect me.

I'm trying to understand the process of grieving. There are ever so many books written on the subject. They do give helpful suggestions on ideas for coping with this raggedy edged pain.

If there is a problem with these books it comes when they suggest a "One size fits all mentality towards coping with grief." There are certain steps in the process that seem to be universal. Yet each idea, each suggestion can be helpful as long as you don't use them to compare yourself to others in the way they cope.

It has been a week of the darkest sorrows, and the greatest joys. We have been surrounded with loving, supportive friends. We had not a funeral but a Life Celebration. There was spirit, humor, Shakespeare, music, and excerpts from Nyle's book were read. It was touching to think that Nyle was speaking to us through his writing.

I want to thank everyone that has reached out to us. Hours were passed in the hospital waiting for Nyle to pass. The hard edged struggle was softened by family and friends.

If anyone has lost a brother, sister, friend, parent, spouse, I know they will understand what I am speaking about. I would be grateful for ideas, stories or input by others who have faced this.


  1. My heart is breaking. When I found out Nyle had passed, I burst into tears. I can't imagine what you're going through. This was a beautiful post and I was glad to hear how you're doing. I wish I had some advice for you, but I've never had anyone I love die before. It's new to me too.
    I'm sending healing wishes your way. You're all in my prayers. I wish I could have gone to the life celebration.

  2. I know I told Ardis this, but attending Nyle's Celebration of Life made me REALLY want to know him. I also told her I'm sure the Smith family 'mansion' is going to be where the party is all the time!(Ardis said she'd introduce us and arrange the party later...) I'm sorry you're experiencing the difficulty of the quiet after the funeral... I know that the week after James died we were literally carried by angels, seen and unseen, and then after... that's been the hard part. It's helped to know that however I feel/grieve is 'normal' a new normal, and a strange one, but 'normal'. As for what helps... you know... getting out, exercise, I yell/cry when I drive, I call home, I write (which really helps), I cry some more (shower crying is my favorite)... and I pray. Small almost constant prayers, sent to a loving Father who watched His son die once, so he understands.

  3. Such grace and beauty under fire...sigh. Thank you dear red-headed C, for dancing in the rain even when it feels like a hailstorm made of acid. When it gets too hard, stop dancing, run in from the rain, wrap up in a warm blanket, and drink hot chocolate and toast every reason you can think of to be grateful. I'm there with you in spirit, toasting and drinking/eating...slurping? snorting? chocolate. If you can't have any, I'll try to graciously accept your share while we talk about the next dance in the rain (I will bring an umbrella). Love you. M