Sunday, October 26, 2014

Question me a Question

Are you aware that there is a choice of questions to ask in life?  Let me back up.  Life happens.  All of us will face tragedy at some point in our existence.  It is ever so natural in the face of tragedy to ask two questions.

1.  IF?  If my loved one recovers, if my child decides to quit taking drugs, if my spouse will quit cheating.  I will do this IF.
It is ever so natural to frame life in an IF framework.  After all if you put an IF question into the context of your crisis you won't be disappointed when your loved one does die, or your husband does leave you, right?
WRONG!  The question IF gives no room for hope.  Hope is an energy, a power.  ESPECIALLY IN CRISIS you need hope.  Ask WHEN instead.

2.  WHY?  Why did this happen?  Why didn't the drunk stay home instead of killing my two friends in his car.  Why didn't my child stick to the rehab program.  Why did my husband quit loving me and run into the arms of another woman?  Why did God allow this to happen?
Why?  This is an incredibly natural response.  On the other hand, "Why NOT?"  Do you have some colossal power within yourself that makes you immune to the trials and stresses of this life?  In case you haven't noticed by now, LIFE IS NOT FAIR!  Awful things do happen to wonderful people.  Sometimes the bad guy seems to thrive while the good guy gets hit over, and over, and over again by challenge.  Spending your life trying to make sense of that dynamic can drive you absolutely crazy, and will make everyone that knows you miserable!  Quit asking why!
Trust me, in my lifetime I have asked these two questions many, many times.  What I found out as I asked them was that they were questions that created negative energy!  They created negative energy when I needed positive energy desperately!

Let's investigate the possibility of asking two other questions instead.  These two simple questions can generate a powerful positive energy.
1.  WHEN instead of IF.  When my loved one recovers, when my spouse comes home, when my child begins to make healthier life choices, do you see how that is a powerful choice?
WHEN generates the idea that the end result WILL BE positive.  It is NOT more realistic to ask IF.  We create our own reality.  Everyday we are faced with choices.  Is it more realistic to choose the negative choice over the positive one?  Both are present before you why wouldn't you wish to choose positive?
2.  HOW instead of WHY.  How promotes a powerful positive energy as well.  It forces you to elaborate in your mind the steps that you will take to keep moving forward in life.  

In my church group one Sunday I heard a very powerful talk.  The young lady explained that her husband had abandoned her and their three small children.  He did not see a need to continue to help support their family.  That meant that the burden fell on her shoulders to support the family.  This was a very large problem because she had no job skills.

She explained as she continued this talk that for long anguishing hours she sobbed, "Why, why?  Why do I have to face this task.  Why?"

Then came her epiphany.  The WHY question pushed her further and further down into discouragement.  So she decided to quit asking THAT question.

Instead she changed the question to HOW.  With HOW in mind she planned, prayed, meditated, and found positive steps to help her and her children to heal from this tragedy.  She went back to school and found a suitable job skill.  The career that she chose gave her some flexibility of schedule as she raised her children.

She enlisted the love and support of her church group, family, and friends to aid her in this process.  Wise enough to realize that we are not intended to face all things alone in life she reached out to others.  At some point in our lives we will all need support.

Giving back to the community was very important to her.  She found ways to reach through service and to teach empathy and service to her children.

Right now, at this very moment, let's do some imagery.  You are going to take the IF and WHY questions and put them in a water proof bag with an enormous weight in the bottom.  (Those questions hold their very own pulling downwards weights).  You will watch those burdens sink, sink, sink, down to the very bottom of the ocean.

Now you will imagine yourself lightened.  The heavy load you've been carrying of IF and WHEN have been lifted from your shoulders.  Next let's imagine that when the questions of IF and WHEN try to invade your space again, you will simply return to your imagery, over, over, and over again as needed.  Example, "Why did I have to be born with Cerebral Palsy?"  There is NO answer to that question. There are all kinds of answers to the question HOW!  HOW do I face the challenge I've been given in life?  How do I get the assistance I need?  How do I live a positive energy filled life?

Another image.  Climb into your mind and take this ride with me.  You stand in the most beautiful place that you know.  I would be either at the ocean, or in the mountains.  I love both equally. In your hands are hundreds of helium balloons.  Each balloon says WHEN and HOW!  You are going to float up, up, up, up into the mystical magic of clouds.  These questions are going to lift you higher into a more positive way of living.  Again this image can be used over, and over, and over again as you need it.

This is NOT denial.  We are all firmly aware that there is negativity in this world.  There is also powerful positive energy.  It's mainly a matter of CHOOSING to focus on the positive and letting the negative slide away.  In other words you will choose how to use the WHEN and HOW questions to improve your life.

While you are gliding high, high, higher, highest attached solidly to your helium balloons you can feel joy filling you, surrounding you.  Enthusiasm for change will follow closely to this image.  A better way of living will lead you to understand that you are capable of changing.  Use this sorrow to create joy.  YES IT IS POSSIBLE!  Change those questions of IF and WHY to WHEN and HOW!

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