Everything was set. After forty-six years I was going back to college. I was so excited! I had a snazzy little red car. I was looking for an apartment. My registration (which involved the folks at the college going into the archives and brushing off almost fifty years of dust) had taken so very long. The new adventure was calling me forward....AND THEN.
Why is is that in life curves are allowed to appear when the road before you seems straight and exciting? Breast cancer was back! This was my second bout. I had faced it before when I was thirty-four. If I had known then that it would return to haunt me and steal away my long delayed dreams I would have had it removed then! Alas, none of us know what the future holds. I was young and the cancer was very early. So I opted for two lumpectomies and radiation.
I tried to reason that it wasn't going to take me very long to recover and then I would head off to college. My recovery triggered a bunch of complications. So like watching dominoes fall I witness my dreams crushed by other health issues.
I mourned, oh how I mourned! Tears wet my pillow at night, and I sobbed often to those that are my best support. I did NOT waste any time asking, "Why me?" or just "Why?" Life has taught me that those questions rarely have answers. In addition they rob me of the precious energy I need to face the reality of my everyday.
Another question came forward. "How? How can I navigate this blow? How can I move through the Valley of the Shadow of Death with hope and courage? This question helped me to look inward for strengths that I was not aware of. This question helped me to look at others and the way they navigated the hard and ruthless in life with grace and dignity.
It was NOT easy. It indeed has been one of the hardest challenges of my life. Yet there were gifts and lessons hidden in unlikely places as I traversed this curve in my life's road. I even discovered joy as I laughed with women who had walked this same path.
I had longed for a new/old challenge and adventure. I wanted to go to college, to gain a Bachelor's degree. I still believe in the power of education to unlock opportunities. I now remember that education is not limited to brick and mortar buildings. It is not only gained through hours and hours of classroom study. Education comes to those that are open to it, in the unexpected curves in life. Indeed, it is the very core of where the most important wisdom may be derived.
Now? Everyday is an adventure to find the best ways to walk through the curves. Sometimes fog that seems to hide any possibility can be blown away by the winds of lessons I've gained in this manner.
