My Other Mother

I have been blessed in my life by the mothering influence of many, many women.  Some have been the age of my mother, some have been my age, and some have been younger than me.  To me, mother energy defies age.  It is the powerful gift of loving beyond your own selfish wishes.

My mom-in law was one of the best examples of powerful love, and nurturing.  She raised five tremendous sons.  She did this even after a painful divorce, and having to return to the work force after twenty-five years as a stay at home mother.  At first she cooked delicious foodstuffs and had her sons sell them in the neighborhood.  When this failed to adequately support her family, she went to work as a secretary/receptionist.  She barely earned enough to pay the rent.  My husband remembers times when he slept in the kitchen because they could only afford a one bedroom apartment.

Within a few years she went from a secretary/receptionist to the first woman detective for consumer fraud in the state where she lived.  She was brilliant.  Unfortunately, she was never paid as much as her mail peers.  The reason she was told is, "They had families to support."  I've often wondered at the hubris of someone telling her this when it was common knowledge that she was the sole breadwinner in her family of five sons.  Her retirement was lessened substantially by this foolishness.

She raised five strong boys to become five strong men.  She did this while working to support them.  One of my favorite stories about her creativity was the traveling circus that she would develop.  She wanted the boys to receive an allowance.  She could not afford to give them an allowance.  A circus would have games to be played (all for a small fee, of course), hot dogs and lemonade to be eaten (again at a small fee) and my husband's personal favorite was fishing.  He would receive a small prize if he managed to hook one of the fishes.

Penny poker was a game played close to allowance day.  She mindfully cheated, but was never caught, and never confessed.  By the end of the circus, or after the poker game, she would have won back the allowance.  The boys never felt cheated.  She gave them their money's worth.
When she would visit us, my husband would tease her that he expected her to pay for her supper.  He also offered to let her play fish to see if she could snag any prizes.  She graciously laughed away his teasing.

When I married her baby boy she opened her arms and heart to me.  She never had a daughter.  That didn't stop her from being a loving gracious mother to me, and to my sisters in law.  We had lots of fun together.  She could make me laugh on a regular basis.

Having lived through the great depression, World War II (her husband was stationed on the Isle of Tinian.  He saw the plane leave that dropped an atomic bomb on Japan).  She had mastered the art of being happy even when the world was not a happy place.  I always rejoiced in her visits.  I loved and respected her with all of my heart.

I loved her so much that I honored her by naming my daughter after her.  My daughter reminds me a lot of her namesake's combination of caring people skills, and brilliance of brain.

Thank you my beloved mom! 

Choosing happiness

My dear Mama lived to be ninety-five.  She lived through the Great Depression of America, and was engaged to my Papa for three years as he fought in World War II.  She knew far too well that happiness was a conscious choice.  It's was not a matter of denying that hard things happen. It was the realization that it is always possible to find joy. Sometimes you had to look really hard.

For example, Mama loved to learn.  She once attended a seminar where they told the participants to buy a pair of those glasses with the fake nose and mustache.  He then told everybody to use them to provide a much needed humor break for themselves and others.  She used that principle well.  She would put them on randomly.  Sometimes when she was riding in a car.  Often I would see a car with everyone laughing.  I would glance over and surprise, Mama had her fake glasses on.  My sister-in law once found her sitting in front of her tv with her fake nose on.  Needless to say, my sister-in law had a good laugh!

Mama said that she didn't just put that fake nose on to make others laugh.  It worked just as well for her in lifting her own spirits.

My mother fostered an amazing 20 children.  Some were official, others were not.  She had wanted a large family.  She had eight pregnancies and only three of us survived.  She often repeated to me, "You don't have to give birth to be a mother.  Being a mother is about nurturing, and loving."  She was a vivid example of this principle.

Once again it's Mother's Day.  The other night I could feel her close by me in the night.  As an asthmatic child when the only treatment was oxygen and prayers we spent many a long night together.  I would be in the recliner gasping for air, mama would be on the couch next to me.  When I am sick and miserable in the night I can feel her loving angel presence comforting me and cheering me on.

Who knows, maybe I'll be blessed enough to see her haunt me sometime.  Of course, she'll have on her fake glasses, complete with nose and mustache!