Sitting quietly in the dark I almost missed my Mama as my eyes swept across her neat room. The room is filled with memories, photos, gifts made by grandchildren now grown with children of their own, and gifts made by great-grandchildren. She lived long enough to see her very own GREAT-GREAT GRAND daughter.
Mama was always action in a body. She could NOT sit still for 2 minutes unless she was mending clothes, folding clothes, doing some action. She often quoted to me, "Idle hands are the Devil's workshop." If that didn't seem to catch fire within us she would quote, "Never sit still and do nothing." I used to hate that I simply can NOT sit still and do nothing. I must be knitting, folding clothes, mending, etc. etc.
Now I have come to the realization that I have created over 100 afghans that I made stitch by stitch while I watched TV or chatted with family or friends. Even though sitting still is problematic for me, I am grateful for her example of filling life, each moment of it to capacity with activity.
Being with Mama now is so very different. I will talk to her, actually often it's more as though I talk AT her. I see in her eyes that her attention has slid away to some place that she can't take me. Sometimes I sit quietly, and we share a companionable silence...and then I find her sleeping in her recliner.
We all change and rearrange as we move through life. It's been a blessing to me that Mama, at this stage in her life, is much more serene. Oh she still has "Worry parties." My Mama takes worry to a new level. It's a masterful skill in her world.
She can't remember what she was worried about most of the time now. This lack of memory calms her, soothes her sometimes...other times it drives her frantic. Yet the quiet times together with my Mom have enriched my life, and helped me with MY restless, need-to-move-NOW spirit.
There are blessings in life...but sometimes we have to look harder to find them. Today I give thanks for the blessing of a beloved Mama who I have gotten to keep for 57 years! I love you Mama!